Chapter 34
34
‘Wow, I was so impressed with the way you decorated those cakes, you were like a whirlwind and Joel was a master with that rolling pin. Just a pity he didn’t do it naked,’ Lynn commented when she had caught up with Kate in the green room.
‘You shouldn’t be in here. If Becky catches you, she’ll have you ejected,’ Kate told her, downing a rum and Coke.
‘What, me and my poor, disabled husband? She wouldn’t dare; you can’t be seen to be discriminating,’ Lynn remarked, smiling.
‘You’re helping yourself to the free booze; a disability doesn’t give you exemption from being caught pinching stuff.’
‘Is something wrong? You don’t seem quite right. I thought you would be made up, currently second on the leader board. And having an ex-model strutting his stuff down the catwalk will give you a definite advantage in Couples’ Catwalk, then there’s free booze and food. What more could a girl want from an evening?’ Lynn questioned.
‘He isn’t paying attention to the games; all he can do is gaze out into the audience at her ,’ Kate stated, looking over at Joel, who was chatting with Darren at the bar. Yes Marina was definitely a ‘her’ .
‘Who?’ Lynn asked stupidly.
‘Marina of course, bloody ex-girlfriend Marina. Marina with the perfect figure and the even more perfect face,’ Kate said, picking up her second drink and gulping from it.
‘Oh her , yeah, she’s a bitch, isn’t she? Probably got an eating disorder though, or takes cocaine. What do you think?’ Lynn asked.
‘I don’t know, I don’t care, but he does; he can’t focus on anything else,’ Kate said with a sigh.
‘Are you sure? I mean, he might not be looking at her all the time; those lights blind you, don’t they? Maybe he’s just looking out randomly to give his eyes a rest,’ Lynn spoke.
‘Thanks Lynn but I need to face the truth: I’ve lost him because I was too preoccupied with Matthew. What was I thinking of? Wasting all that time and not noticing the wonderful person under my nose.’
‘Well, if that’s how you really feel then why are you wasting time here with me? Go and tell him,’ Lynn urged.
‘No, I can’t tell him. He gave me a chance, more than one chance, and I turned him away every time. The way he’s looking out at Marina now is the way he used to look at me and I just ignored it because it was like Matthew all over again. I thought it couldn’t be genuine. I mean, how could someone like him fall for a single mother like me? I microwave every night for Christ’s sake and I have one good suit! Look at her when you’re back at the table, look at her in her tiny little designer dress! She’s won and she didn’t even have to try!’ Kate yelled.
‘She only rocked up on the scene five minutes ago. If he said he loved you, his head can’t have been turned that quickly,’ Lynn told her.
‘He deserves better than me. I was indecisive; I should have trusted how he made me feel, not buried my head in the sand and moped about Matthew. Another drink please: rum and Coke,’ Kate ordered from the barman.
‘I’m ringing Hermione; she’ll know what to do. We can’t have this depression ruining your chances of winning the contest. This is what you’ve worked for for the last couple of months; you can’t throw it away at the last second, not now you’re so close,’ Lynn spoke as she got out her mobile phone.
‘I don’t want to speak to Mione; she’ll say the same as you: that I need to talk to Joel but I can’t. I’d feel an idiot and?—’
‘But at least you wouldn’t feel like a lonely idiot.’
‘I would if he turned me down, which he will,’ Kate remarked.
‘ATTENTION! Couples’ Catwalk is about to start. Can I have Claudia and Gerry, Martin and Yvonne, and Mark and Gloria, please? Ten minutes and I’ll be back for the rest of you,’ Becky called loudly, holding her clipboard aloft.
‘Right then, ten minutes to get this sorted out. Come on, you’re going to speak to him,’ Lynn announced and she yanked Kate’s arm, dragging her over toward Darren and Joel.
‘Hello, you two. I hope you haven’t drunk too much of the complimentary drink, Darren; I’m not wheeling you back to the room in a luggage trolley again,’ Lynn joked, smiling at her husband.
‘She’s a laugh my missus, isn’t she? Nah, we’ve been having a deep and meaningful, haven’t we Joel?’ Darren said, slapping Joel on the back and letting out a hearty laugh.
‘Something like that,’ Joel replied, looking at Kate.
‘Well, we need to get back to our table before the Lady Dragon sells our seats or something. Come on Darren, there’ll be plenty of time for celebrating later,’ Lynn told her husband, pulling at his arm, keen for him to leave.
‘Oh, OK, you’re the boss. Good luck with the rest of the show, mate; we’ll be rooting for you,’ Darren called as Lynn manoeuvred him towards the door.
‘See you,’ Joel said, waving a hand at Darren.
Kate swallowed as she looked at Joel in his wedding suit. He turned to face her and she wrung her hands together nervously.
‘Are you feeling any better now?’ Joel wanted to know.
‘I’m just a bit nervous, that’s all. You know, this is it tonight: the culmination of, well – everything,’ Kate said.
‘Yeah, I know, it’s weird, isn’t it? It’s hard to imagine we’re never going to share the stage with Larry and the Love Dove after tonight. They’ve become such a big part of my life,’ Joel said with a smile.
‘I’ll be glad to see the back of the big bird,’ Kate admitted with a laugh.
‘I’ll be glad to say goodbye to Larry’s sequined jacket; it causes a nasty refraction from the spotlights.’
‘Frank offered me a job,’ Kate blurted out.
‘Wow! Doing what?’ Joel exclaimed excitedly.
‘Being his assistant, arranging his life and helping him oversee the business.’
‘That sounds fantastic,’ Joel said.
‘It’s seventy-five thousand per annum.’
‘Kate, that’s brilliant, I’m so pleased for you,’ Joel said, reaching out and touching her arm.
‘I didn’t say yes, not straight away. I mean, it sounds like it would be very involved. Frank’s business is worldwide; it isn’t Mrs Collins’ ten thousand in the bank and some premium bonds. I don’t know whether I’m adequately equipped for the job in all sorts of respects.’
‘Why do you think things are going to go wrong before you’ve even tried them? It doesn’t matter if you make mistakes, you know – try it. If it works out, fantastic. If it doesn’t then you try something else,’ Joel told her.
‘That isn’t how I do things. And I have Bethan to think about,’ Kate reminded.
‘Where’s the job based? In Highbridge?’ Joel asked.
‘He said I could work from home but it would involve some travel, accompanying him to meetings, going to his other offices and stuff,’ Kate explained.
‘Well it sounds perfect, I’m sure Hermione will be able to help out,’ Joel told her.
‘I know it sounds like a great opportunity and I know it would get me out of Randall’s and away from the Lady Dragon for good but when he was telling me about the job and the great salary and how he wanted me because he trusted me and he thought I was efficient, all I could think about was that I knew he had offices in France. And I started to wonder, in fact, all I could think about was if I could commute from our farmhouse in Marchette,’ Kate spoke, looking at Joel intently.
‘ Our farmhouse,’ Joel repeated.
‘Yeah, I know, stupid,’ Kate said unable to keep her eyes from him.
‘ATTENTION! Can I have the remaining couples, please! Time for Couples’ Catwalk!’ Becky shouted out.
‘That was a quick ten minutes. God, right, well, do I look OK? This bloody fascinator is itching my head. Is it straight?’ Kate asked, brushing down the front of her dress and then tweaking at the hairpiece.
‘It’s fine,’ Joel answered.
‘OK, good, right well let’s get on with the show,’ Kate spoke jovially and she headed off towards the pink-haired assistant.
‘Right, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce our next couple: Kate Baxter and Joel Brown. Give them a big welcome,’ Larry announced, lights bouncing off his sequined jacket.
Kate and Joel walked onto the stage accompanied by the Love Dove and stood on the mark opposite Larry. The catwalk, set up in the middle of the audience, tables either side, was now lit up like a Heathrow landing strip with red lights down each edge and spotlights focused on it. The Randall’s tables were on the left of the catwalk and Lynn seemed to be talking intently on her mobile phone while Darren was pouring large amounts of red wine into his glass. Miranda suddenly caught Kate’s eye. The Lady Dragon fixed her with an icy stare, a smug smile playing upon her lips. Kate looked away and then realised Larry had been talking and she hadn’t heard a thing he said.
‘So, are we all clear?’ Larry asked them both.
‘No, sorry, I’m not, I—’ Kate began.
‘They play music, one of us walks down the catwalk like a model, Larry’s at the other end, he asks us a question, we answer it, walk back up the catwalk, etc. etc. until we’ve answered two questions. Then the other one of us has to do the same and if we match answers, it’s more Kissing Gates on the board. Oh and there’s extra marks for good modelling style; there’s a judge,’ Joel recapped for Kate.
‘Thank you, Joel. Are you after my job, by any chance? OK now, Kate? Know what you’ve got to do?’ Larry asked her.
‘I think so,’ Kate replied.
‘OK, well, so you get a chance to see how it’s done, we’ll let Joel go first. So, here’s your headphones and Gareth – a stool for Kate, please? There you go, you can watch all the action but you won’t be able to hear Joel’s answers,’ Larry spoke.
Kate sat down on the stool and put the headphones over her ears .
‘OK, I’ll just get into position and – OK, cue the music!’ Larry exclaimed, heading down to the end of the catwalk.
It was a sexy, pulsating number and Joel began to work to the rhythm.
Kate watched as he confidently moved down the catwalk; she couldn’t see his face but what she could see was him removing his jacket. He threw it to one side and then began to unbutton his waistcoat. She could see Lynn, her mouth wide open, obviously screaming in appreciation and Miranda was clapping enthusiastically. Marina was smiling, watching his every move and Kate chewed her lip, wrinkling up her nose.
By the time Joel had got to the end of the catwalk, his shirt was unbuttoned and the crowd were roaring their approval.
‘Nice moves, Joel; have you done this before, by any chance?’ Larry questioned.
‘A long time ago. I’m a bit bruised and a bit rusty,’ Joel responded, indicating his battered torso.
The crowd shouted their disapproval at the statement and Joel smiled out at them.
‘Right, well, your first question about Kate is – Kate has fifty pounds to splash out on something. Does she buy a handbag, a pair of shoes or something else?’ Larry asked.
‘Something else,’ Joel replied confidently.
‘Something else, good. And do you have any idea what that something else might be?’
‘I think she would spend it on her daughter,’ Joel replied.
‘OK, good. Right, cue the music, off you go, although keep it clean, no full Monty’s please,’ Larry told him.
This time, as Joel performed his catwalk routine, Kate had the benefit of seeing a frontal view. He strutted down the runway towards her, removing his shirt as he went. Kate bit hard again on her lip as his eyes met hers. He smiled at her then turned and made his way back towards the host.
The audience were shouting ‘off, off, off’ and it was a few seconds before Larry and the floor manager were able to get them to quieten down.
‘OK, Joel, Kate’s been told she has to give up something for a month. Which of the following things would she be unable to give up? Chocolate, sex or alcohol?’
‘Alcohol, without a doubt. Probably Asda’s latest low-price, South African wine,’ Joel answered.
‘Or any other of the supermarkets own brand wines. Can’t favour a particular brand on this show Joel, I’m afraid. OK, that’s good, we have all your answers. Time to remove Kate’s headphones and see how your answers compare. Gareth, could you remove Kate’s headphones, please?’ Larry ordered.
Kate was hurriedly relieved of her ear coverings and was ushered down the catwalk to stand next to Joel and Larry.
‘OK, let’s have some hush please, ladies and gentlemen. Kate, I said to Joel – Kate has fifty pounds to splash out on something. Does she buy a handbag, a pair of shoes or something else?’ Larry questioned.
‘Oh, er, something else. I’d probably spend it on Bethan,’ Kate answered truthfully.
‘Who’s Bethan?’ Larry asked.
‘My little girl,’ Kate answered, a rush of love sweeping over her as she thought about her.
‘CORRECT! That’s exactly what Joel said. One Kissing Gate on the board! Well done!’ Larry announced excitedly.
Joel smiled at Kate and took hold of her hand.
‘OK, the second question we asked was – Kate’s been told she has to give up something for a month. Which of the following things would she be unable to give up? Chocolate, sex or alcohol?’
‘Oh, that’s hard, I don’t know,’ Kate responded, her mind whirring with thoughts of Dairy Milk, South African wine and mind-blowing sex with Joel.
‘It isn’t hard, think about it,’ Joel murmured quietly.
‘No conferring please. Kate, I’m going to have to push you for an answer,’ Larry said sternly.
‘Um, sex?’ Kate asked, not entirely sure it was right.
‘Oh no, I’m sorry Kate, Joel said own-brand, supermarket, South African wine,’ Larry announced.
‘Oh bugger! I mean, oh gosh, sorry,’ Kate said, swallowing and looking at Joel apologetically.
‘Never mind, you can make amends now. Joel, please take yourself over to the stool and put on the headphones. It’s time for Kate to take to the catwalk,’ Larry announced.
Strains of ‘Lady Marmalade’ blasted out over the PA system and Kate attempted to remember some of the dodgy fashion shows she had watched on some even dodgier Sky channel late at night when she couldn’t sleep, after Matthew had left her, when she had spent nights alone crying into a glass of own-brand supermarket wine and cannelloni for one.
She had nothing on Kate Moss. She swaggered and staggered in her high heels down towards Larry, hearing Lynn and Darren yelling loudly and clapping their hands together.
‘Some nice moves there, Kate. OK, first question. Joel’s in a hot air balloon with you, the Queen and a small child. Balloon’s going down, Kate; someone has to be thrown out to save the rest. Who does Joel throw out?’ Larry wanted to know.
Kate looked over at Joel, who was sat on the stool, the spangled earphones covering his ears. He was everything she wanted. She knew that now, without a doubt.
‘Joel wouldn’t throw anyone out; he’d jump,’ Kate said positively.
‘Woo, ladies and gentlemen, did you hear that? He doesn’t just look good; it seems like Joel is also a real hero. OK, second catwalk. Perhaps loosening the top a little might earn you some favour with the audience,’ Larry suggested, licking his top lip.
Kate walked down the runway, looking at Joel, not interested in swaying her hips in time or flaunting half a calf to the audience. There was something much more important than winning the contest on her mind and it wasn’t even the job with Frank Peterson.
She smiled at Joel, turned around, posed briefly and made her way back to Larry.
‘OK, final question – if Joel could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? Would it be the Caribbean? Would it be Australia? Or somewhere else completely?’ Larry asked Kate.
‘France,’ Kate said quickly.
‘France? Is that your answer?’ Larry enquired.
‘Yes,’ Kate spoke.
‘Right, OK, Gareth, if Joel could remove his headphones please and come back down here to join us,’ Larry said.
Joel walked back down the catwalk and stood next to Kate.
‘OK, Joel, time is running away with us so I’ll get straight to it. We said to Kate, Joel’s in a hot air balloon with you, the Queen and a small child. The balloon is going down and weight needs to be lost so someone has to be thrown out to save the rest. Who would you throw out?’ Larry questioned.
‘That’s a tough question,’ Joel said, letting out a breath of air .
‘Kate was very certain about her answer,’ Larry told him.
‘Was she?’ Joel asked, looking at Kate.
‘Yes, she was, have to hurry you.’
‘OK, well, I couldn’t throw anyone out, so I’d jump,’ Joel replied.
‘CORRECT! A match and another Kissing Gate on the board!’
Kate smiled at Joel and took hold of his hand.
‘OK, OK, finally, we said to Kate, if Joel could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? Would it be the Caribbean? Would it be Australia? Or somewhere else completely?’ Larry asked.
‘France,’ Joel told the host.
‘France?’ Larry queried.
‘Yeah,’ Joel told him.
‘CORRECT! A match! Another Kissing Gate on the board! So that’s a total of three Kissing Gates to add to your score, well done!’ Larry enthused.
Kate smiled excitedly at Joel until she saw Marina, preened and puckering up her lips, smiling widely at him from the crowd.
‘HANG ON! Who is this?! Oh ladies and gentlemen, here comes the Love Dove! Let’s hear it for the Love Dove!’ Larry exclaimed loudly, holding an arm out as the bird bounded onto the stage.
‘Oh God, not the song, please!’ Kate remarked.
The Love Dove’s theme music began and he badly juggled with three golden eggs before bringing one over to Larry and putting a wing around Kate’s shoulders.
‘Kate and Joel, you’ve won a spot prize. Let’s open up Lovey’s golden egg and see what you’ve won – it is – first class Eurostar tickets to Paris. You said France and it looks like you’re destined to go there. Well done! Let’s hear it for Kate and Joel!’ Larry boomed into the microphone as the Love Dove pushed a voucher into Kate’s hand .
‘France,’ Kate spoke, running a finger over the word Paris .
‘France,’ Joel repeated, looking at Kate.