Chapter 10
CASSIDY
We’re all clustered around the bar waiting for our drinks.
We’re a sea of shiny black fabric and exposed legs.
The newest uniform in the rotation hugs every curve as if they were designed by a very horny fashion major.
They have the same cut as the pewter ones, but somehow the black feels more sophisticated. Sexier.
Brier’s paired her little black number with red-soled black Louboutin’s, because why wouldn’t she? She looks like she’s stepped out of a magazine, all sleek and elegant. Brier’s the kind of woman men orbit without even realizing they’re doing it.
I glance down at my own shoes. With the toe on the floor, I rotate the iridescent lavender stilettos back and forth under the strobe lights. They’re pretty. Fun. All of the things I wish I was.
From across the room, I can sense the familiar pull before looking over to confirm it.
That static electricity of being watched.
Glancing up, I catch Max’s eyes over the rim of his glass.
He doesn’t look away. He stares in my direction, bold and confident, never backing down.
My stomach does a crazy backflip. Well, until I realize Brier is leaning over the bar next to me, her perfect ass on full display.
Sheesh. So much for getting all excited.
To think, for a second there, I thought I had a hot tech CEO admirer.
Maybe the rich playboy has a thing for red soled shoes.
I wish. It has to be Brier’s ass he’s fixed on.
She’s glamorous, cultured, and self-assured.
While I look like a Saturday morning cartoon character who wandered onto the wrong set.
Still, his intense gaze stays focused in my direction.
I pretend not to notice. There’s no way I can allow myself to entertain the idea that this man could be interested in me.
I mean, is he curious how the other half lives?
Looking to leave his regimented Eddie Bauer cover model facade for a cocktail waitress dressed like a unicorn?
Meanwhile, Fern is still blabbering on with a story I’ve missed most of.
“So the barista calls out my name, and this guy looks up from his coffee like someone had just announced the winning lotto numbers. He comes over and says he’s been waiting to hear what my name was because I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. ”
Candice gasps. “Oh, my god, was he cute? Is he rich? Hell, who cares. I would’ve married him on the spot.”
Brier rolls her eyes, pretending not to listen as she waits for the bartender to slide her drinks her way.
“He brought me flowers, took me to dinner, and then we went to this cupcake place that was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
It was like something out of a romance novel.
” She clasps her hands together as she proceeds.
“There were all of these cute little cakes where the tops of them resembled real flowers, and the wrapper was made to look like a clay pot. And the whole place was decorated with classic books and teapots.”
“And you didn’t go home with him?” Candice asks.
Fern sighs dreamily. “No. I wanted to. But I’m trying this new thing where I make men prove they’re not garbage.”
Lala nods approvingly and gives Candice a pointed look. “Imagine that.”
Candice rolls her eyes. “For a date like that, I think I’m okay with garbage. Especially if the sex is hot. At least if he doesn’t call back, I had a full night of fun.”
I can’t help but snicker with them, but something in my chest aches. I can’t imagine letting my guard down like that. Not even for coffee with Lala, much less an over-the-top romantic date night. Heck, I don’t trust my own shadow. How would I trust a man I barely know?
My face falls. How did I go from being brave enough to wear a badge to being afraid to walk around a private, secure back yard without checking over my shoulder?
Oh yeah. PTSD. And the ever-present fear that the past isn’t done with me. I peer up again, in time to see Anthony waving me over from the far end of the bar.
Lala catches my eye and nods. “Go, go.”
I take two steps in his direction, my heart beating wildly against my sternum. Is someone here to see me? I try to calm my nerves.
Anthony is aware of my predicament. I’m certain he wouldn’t let someone get close unless he was sure they were safe. Yet, no one I know—
I nearly gasp. Holt! I don’t even think, just run, launching myself into his arms. “Wow. I can’t believe Gianni let you come in during business hours.”
He laughs. “Let me? I’m a member now.”
“Oh my god. Of course you are.” I laugh.
“Plus, I’m here all the time checking on you anyway.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I detect a stir near Max’s table. A low ripple of activity, Gianni laughing a little too loudly. I almost look. But instead decide to remain focused on my brother and this fantastic surprise.
Grinning up at Holt, I wiggle my pointer finger in his face. “Well, do me a favor and try to keep your playboy antics under control when you’re here. Signed NDAs or not, these girls talk amongst themselves. I really don’t need a play-by-play of all of your sexcapades.” I point upstairs.
He snorts. “Okay, okay. I’ll try. I get enough action outside of here anyway.”
“Eww.” I shake my head in disgust.
“Dr. Lee actually recommended I join,” he continues. “Between the opportunity to network with the high rollers here, the amenities, and you basically living here, it was a no-brainer. Plus, I can bring my buddies for events and stuff.”
“And stuff.” I smirk.
He winks.
Lord, help me.
“How long until you’re off work?” he asks.
“A few hours.”
“Want me to grab some dinner and bring it back to your room?”
“Sure. I’ll text you when I’m downstairs.”
He studies me for a second before pulling me back in for a hug, squeezing me tight. He drops his tone to barely a whisper, “You sure you’re okay, Mar? You looked kind of down when I got here.”
I think about Fern and her dreamy story. About Max’s company. About all the things I want that seem so far out of reach.
“I’m fine. Just letting jealousy get the best of me. I’ll tell you all about it later.”
He nods. “Okay. I’m holding you to it. I’m going to take a quick tour of the place until you text me. Maybe see what’s on the menu for dinner.”
“Okay. I’m so glad you’re here.” Especially after receiving those unknown number calls.
I barely make it back to my room, hobbling on these painful stilettos. My feet are killing me. Looking over my shoulder to ensure I’m alone, I let myself into my room, lock the door, and kick my shoes off, affronted at their betrayal of me.
I take a quick shower before donning comfy flannel pajama pants and my favorite Criminal Minds T-shirt emblazoned with the words: Talk To Me, Baby Girl
Ah, much better. I’d sent a text to Holt, letting him know I was in the shower but to head down whenever he’s done for the night.
He knows it will be quick. Ever since that awful day two years ago, I don’t enjoy long hot showers like I once did.
I can’t relax when I’m staring at the locked bathroom door.
Holt shows up with food that smells like heaven. “Short ribs and polenta,” he announces. “And salads. But who are we kidding? I’m starting with the short ribs.”
Reaching into the bag with the takeout containers and silverware, I spread them on my small table and retrieve two bottles of water from the fridge. I barely get a bite in before Holt asks, “So. Are you unhappy here?”
“No,” I blurt around a mouthful of food. “Honestly? I expected to be miserable. But I feel safe here. Safer than I have anywhere else. And everyone’s been so kind.”
“Good. That’s what I wanted to hear. And this is temporary. Once you’re feeling strong enough, we can find a way to take the next steps to regain your life again.”
My face falls. “Really? Because as excited as I am to put the past behind me, I’m scared as hell to step foot outside the well-guarded doors of this club. Plus, I’ve been getting these odd phone calls from an unknown number.”
He stops eating. His face pales. “What do you mean?”
“Twice now, the phone rang and I thought it was you. When I answered there was no one there. It was registered to an unknown number.”
Holt puts his fork down. “Hand me your phone.”
I hop up from the table to retrieve it. “No one has this number but you and Gianni. I assumed it was probably a wrong number. But there was an odd clicking noise on the line. I think it’s doing a number on my head.”
Holt examines my phone briefly before sliding it into his pocket. “I’ll get you a new phone and drop it by here in the morning. I’m sure you’re right. Probably a wrong number. But they’re cheap enough. Let’s not risk it.”
We eat in silence for a few minutes until my nerves get the best of me. I put my fork down and run my shaky hands up and down my legs.
“You okay?”
I drop my head into my hands.
“It’s okay. I’m sure it’s nothing. We’re just being extra cautious, that’s all. You said you feel safe here, right?”
I thought I was hiding here at this club to be extra cautious. Now this.
I look up, my eyes filled with tears. “I do. I feel safe here. But even going out back to walk, or start Dad’s car and drive it around so I know it’ll still work if I need to make a break for it, causes me to bust out into a sweat. When does that go away, Holt?”
He frowns, looking at me like that question physically hurts. “Try not to think that way. Instead, look how far you’ve come.” He wipes the corner of his mouth with his napkin before reaching for my hand. His gaze is so earnest it makes my chest hurt.
“Marleigh,” he sighs, closing his eyes at the unusual slip of my name.
Even when it’s only the two of us, he’s managed to use only Cassidy.
Until now. “You’re the strongest woman I know.
You’ve already done so much more than any of the doctors predicted.
You were on a damn ventilator for fuck’s sake.
They weren’t sure you’d even wake up. Then they couldn’t promise you’d be able to speak. Or walk.”
He looks away and closes his eyes. I can only imagine how hard that time must’ve been for him. First seeing me like that. Then having to deal with Dad dying, all while I was unconscious.
“Now look at you. You were nearly beaten to death, and you still came back fighting,” his voice cracks. “You’re already a miracle, Mar.” His eyes glisten with unshed tears.
I stand and throw my arms around him. “You believed in me from day one. I couldn’t let you down.” I sniffle. “You were a huge part of my recovery.”
Holt pulls back. “I’m glad. But don’t discount how tenacious you are.
You were already a badass, deciding you were going to be a cop like Dad.
You got your bachelor’s degree in criminal justice and now you’re taking those online forensics courses.
” He shakes his head with undeniable pride.
This man is my rock. He always knows the right thing to say.
“When you’re ready, we’ll tackle the outside world. Sure, it’s going to be tough at first. Especially after those threats of retaliation came to light. But I think you’re more prepared than you think. You simply need to face your fear. Because there are big things waiting for you out there.”
I swallow hard, knowing he’s right.
“But there’s no need to rush it. You just need to take one day at a time.”
“You’re right.” And deep down, I can feel it too. One day I really could have it all. A life I’m proud of. A career that makes me excited to face each new day. Friends. Love. Maybe even someone who looks at me and doesn’t see how broken I am.
Just how far I’ve come.
And for the first time in a long time, that idea doesn’t feel terrifying. It feels possible.