Chapter 26 If I be Waspish, Beware of my Sting #2
Mr Darcy released his hand on her arm to swing it towards the heavens.
“That is because she is of no significance, despite being brazen, cloying, uncouth, and mercenary.”
She should not relish Mr Darcy’s disparaging remarks about Miss Bingley, but she did. It fed her vanity and alleviated her feelings of inadequacy.
“After Lady Castlereagh’s ball, I was enjoying an enticing dream about bedding you, when your face transformed into that of Caroline Bingley.
I awoke in terror, dripping with sweat. I am terribly sorry if I importuned you.
It was unconsciously done and did not reflect my feelings.
It was my fault and so the remedy should rest with me.
If I had complimented you as you deserve, you would never have envied the likes of Miss Bingley.
You would have realised that I was asleep, and I give you leave to slap me out of such a tormenting dream if it should reoccur. ”
A gust of wind blew the fabric of her dress flat against her body. Involuntarily, her hands flew to her stomach to shield it from the elements.
Darcy stepped back and stared at her waist as if it were touched by a divine hand.
“Elizabeth,” Darcy whispered. He sounded resigned.
“I have no rage left in me. I am humbled, though not so much as to prevent me from begging your forgiveness. I understand how Judge Darcy’s words must have terrified you.
You fooled your maid into believing your courses had come so that I would not take you to a quacksalver for an abortion.
” He was staring fixedly at her still-flat stomach, but then his tortured eyes rose to meet hers.
“How can you think so ill of me? Have I treated you so abhorrently that you believe me devoid of every feeling? Because if it is so, you never knew me at all!”
Mr Darcy turned abruptly and strode towards the stables. Without thinking, Elizabeth ran after him and laid a firm hand on his elbow.
“No. Not truly, but you are much like a closed book. What resides within is sometimes a mystery to me. I dared not risk it and erred on the side of caution. If we were to be separated, at least I would have a child to remember you by.”
“Then I would be left with nothing but grief.”
Perhaps she was the idiot in this quagmire of confusion. Her heart whispered that he loved her, even though he did not say it. She was loved, but was love enough to sustain them? Mr Darcy certainly believed it.
“Let us not quarrel about circumstances that cannot be changed. I am sorry for all the trouble that I and my family have caused you. But do not suppose me ignorant of your increasing absence from my company. With each passing day, you spent more time away than at home. How you must regret marrying me!”
Mr Darcy was at her side in a flash. “You own me,” he admitted.
A ghostly finger ran down Elizabeth’s spine. Own? What could he mean? She must not have heard correctly and he had said owe, which would make much more sense under the circumstances.
“I am afraid I do not take your meaning, sir.” Elizabeth kept her tone soft and polite. It was best not to provoke the bear any further.
“From the first moment I laid eyes upon you, I was completely in your power. To do as you please, whether you want me or not. I was away because I spent countless hours investigating who was causing our downfall. I would never choose to spend a minute apart from you that was not strictly necessary.”
“Do not be ridiculous…”
“I speak nothing but the truth!”
“You could have told me what was occupying your time.”
“I did not want you to concern yourself unduly and tried to shield you from the unpleasantness.”
“Is that why you hid the newspapers?”
Mr Darcy nodded grimly.
“You must have regretted marrying me once you realised that your sphere would not accept me.”
“I always knew that your relations’ condition, so decidedly beneath my own, and the inferiority of your connections would make you undesirable in the eyes of society.
I was painfully aware of the objections of my family, who always opposed my inclinations.
I had hoped that people in general would have more sense, but I was not blind to the possibility that they too would reject you. ”
“Then whyever did you marry me?”
“Because I love you—most ardently. These scruples I harboured did not prevent me from forming serious designs on you. I was impelled by unalloyed inclination, enough to overcome the obstacles society might throw at me. By reason, by reflection, by everything else, I was confident that being your husband offered such extraordinary sources of happiness that I would never repine. Quite the contrary. It is your suffering my heart regrets. I am not blind to the pain and derision you have endured because of my selfish desire to mend the breach. You have borne the brunt of society’s disdain upon your shoulders, and with more poise than anyone else could have mustered.
I am, and always will be, in awe of you. ”
Elizabeth, replenished with bravery and trust, dared to raise her eyes to look at her husband. His eyes were open and honest; his countenance wore an easy expression with a slight tug at the corner of his mouth. She grabbed his hands and lifted them, one by one, to her mouth and kissed them.
“Why did you not warn me about the adversity we would face?”
“I was anxious you might decide against marrying me if you were apprised of all the obstacles.”
“You should have trusted me and our love.”
Mr Darcy huffed. “You proved me right, weeks ago, when you left.”
“I had every intention of returning to you once Lydia was safe.”
“Lydia was safe the moment you left England. The newspapers connected your disappearance to Mr Wickham, but as the weeks flew by and the reprobate remained in London, they ran out of ideas. In the last article I read, the gossips had capitulated and concluded that his paramour was in fact Mrs Younge. But, to me, these have been inexpressibly painful weeks of tormenting doubts and reproofs of my conduct and manners. But most of all, I should have listened to your objections against Lydia marrying Wickham.”
“Yes, you should.”
“Lizzy?” Lady Louise called from the terrace. “Are you well? To whom are you talking?”
Elizabeth surmised that their raised voices must have alarmed her dear grandmother.
“I am well and shall be with you directly,” she called back. To Mr Darcy she directed a mischievous grin. “Come. It is time you met the rest of my family.”
Mr Darcy looked a bit apprehensive but accepted her outstretched hand.
Elizabeth laced their fingers before dragging him to be introduced to the no longer frail Count Reimarus. Then his son, and at last, her formidable grandmother.
“I am grateful for your hospitality, especially towards an uninvited and unsought guest. I shall not impose upon you further but shall take my wife home.”
“Not so hastily, if you please,” Lady Louise objected. “Why would we allow our dear Lizzy to leave the comfort of our home?”
Mr Darcy paced in front of the intimidating brother and sister, raking his hand through his hair. When he finally stopped and turned towards them, his face had returned to an unhealthy shade of red.
“Because I love her!” Mr Darcy spoke in angry, ragged gasps. “Because she is carrying my child, who should be born at home. That should be reason enough.”
“Your anger is misplaced,” Lady Louise retorted calmly. “Anger is a symptom of a deeper feeling. May I suggest that you examine that feeling and calm yourself.”
Mr Darcy took an incensed step closer. “I know perfectly well what feeling has unsettled me,” he said in a low and hoarse voice.
“It is my love for a wife who left me thinking she was lying dead at the bottom of the Serpentine. The fear of losing her has absconded with my civilities, but I shall endeavour to temper my determination.”
“That was not my fault,” Elizabeth objected, but Mr Darcy paid her no mind.
“The same lady who did not think it important to apprise me before she left that I am to become a father. She ripped the heart out of my chest and left my soul in this black abyss I have been living in for the last five weeks. My anger is perfectly reasonable and just.”
“But it is not productive if a reconciliation is what you seek,” Elizabeth remarked from behind his broad and unyielding back.
Mr Darcy’s shoulders slumped. “Then tell me what to do, because there is nothing I would not give to make amends for the errors I have made. Your letter was informative.” He reached into his pocket, retrieved the tattered sheet, and shoved it in her face.
“I have loathed every woman I met before you sauntered into my life, and you want me to marry someone else. You are deranged if you think I was ever going to look at another woman the way I regard you.”
“As I have understood it,” Lady Louise interrupted the bickering couple, “you do not want to divorce my granddaughter, Mr Darcy?”
“Never!”
“If so, explain exactly what Elizabeth overheard you speaking about in your conference with Judge Darcy.”
“My uncle has made this suggestion to me twice. My family objects to my marriage. I disagree with them.”
“And the discussion about aborting a possible child?”
“That preposterous notion was immediately denounced forcefully by me, as was the divorce. Judge Darcy is an excellent talker, but he rarely listens. I usually allow him to rant, then wait for one of the rare occasions he draws breath. I would have evicted him from my house if not for an important matter I wished to discuss with him. I am certain you are aware of all the troubles we have encountered since we wed.”
Lady Louise nodded.
“I have investigated the matter of additional purchases added to Mrs Darcy’s shopping excursion. When confronted with the evidence I had procured, the judge admitted that he was responsible for the additional items, and some of the modifications made to the ball gown.”
“Some?” Elizabeth enquired.