Ms. V’s Hot Girl Summer

One

ONE

Trinidad

T he candle I left burning on my desk had never worked as hard as I asked it to today. The invocations had been plentiful and dramatic while I packed the picnic basket before I left home. Pleas to God, my ancestors, Tía Patricia, que en paz descanse, and the spirits were my only thoughts as I walked toward Williamsburg Park to meet Milton.

Lord, let this be the last time I have to date.

My prayers were very warranted, and no, I didn’t think I sounded desperate. Being a single mom and filing the thirty-five and above category in all documents quickly got old. My path to love had started early and had been tumultuous and eventful, leaving me with two fifteen-year-old children and a co-parent who usually got a C in the co part of parenting. As long as the ancestors, Tia Patricia, God, and the spirits forgot about the consequent wild years after my divorce, I should get my prayers answered today. Right?

“So I told Greg, listen, man, give me a couple of hours, and I promise you’ll also fall in love with golf. I think he’s gonna take my offer, so it’s me and one of the top executives having one-on-one time. I’m telling you, Trinidad, I can feel it. This is my year. This is my year.”

Milton, dear man, had given me a soliloquy of all the reasons why he was going to make partner this year in his accounting firm. It had been an hour-long picnic, and he barely paused for breath. Now we were strolling down the park, people-watching, holding hands. The pleasant breeze carried away the occasional sigh that escaped me.

During my wild years, I would have never entertained such a career-driven… steady individual, but now? I felt like I’d won the lottery. Not quite the Powerball, but the local scratch off at least. And that was good, Milton was good. A good man. A caring, respectable man. And I loved everything about those characteristics. It’s what I had envisioned and failed to get in my first marriage, no matter how hard I tried. But now this was my time. It was our time.

If only Milton could get with the program.

“Oh yeah, amor, I can see how that would really put you in the right place at the right time,” I mumbled. Would I have been better served using this Saturday without the kids to catch up on my latest reality love show? Or maybe I should have gotten acquainted with my newest toy… Demarquis the III. I’d been playing Goldilocks these past few months while testing a new spot in my dildo rotation. I might have become a staid sports mom, but that didn’t mean the wildness had completely left me behind. My weekends on my own could get pretty rowdy…just me and my collection having a good time.

“Right?! That’s exactly what I thought.” His face lit up with excitement, and he closed his eyes. And maybe, just maybe, this time with Milton was better than those single mom plans. The rays of the afternoon sun hit his mahogany skin, long eyelashes, and lush lips, and weak flutters grew in my stomach. My lips stretched on their own accord as I admired how handsome Milton was when he had his guard down.

Milton might be…composed, but standing at six feet, burly physique, deep brown skin, and a smile that could kill, I truly had lucked out. The one thing I’d change was his willingness to drag along this casual, no-strings-attached thing we had going on. Milton, coming out of a hard relationship, had decided he wanted to date casually and see other people. I’d known two dates in that we could build a life together. Ten months later, the candle and the prayers became an emergency solution.

My best friend hated the fact that I was still waiting. “Investment in the future” is what I told Miranda when she scoffed at Milton’s request to casually date after five outings and a few sleepovers when the twins were with their father.

“Girl, you don’t need to remarry! What you need is good dick and enjoy your life. Maybe someone that loves you and you love and wants to go with the flow with you. With this libido we have right now? You should be getting it in regularly and with enthusiasm. Forget chasing big goals and a family; you got that girl; we are in our ‘living in the moment era.’” That advice activated all my annoyance. Wanting to be in a stable marriage so that my boys and I could have the type of family we deserved wasn’t something to scoff at. There were things that Brandon and Brian needed that I couldn’t give them, no matter how much I portrayed the strong Black mother role.

The reality was that I was tired of doing it all by myself.

Exhausted.

The park faded back into my periphery, the greens morphing into beige, brown, and stone. Our surroundings transformed into brownstones, children and parents walking their dogs, and the bustle of the never-sleeping Brooklyn. Milton’s warm hand held mine, the safety and security as addictive as a bowl of popcorn during a good movie. If I could only get more of this… If only he had given me some type of signal to move things to the serious stage.

“So, I was wondering if you and the boys should have some type of outing—” My words trailed off as a gorgeous South Asian woman walked past us, her laughter loud enough to surpass the three kids screaming on the opposite sidewalk while playing with a Portuguese water puppy. Her white dress cape flapped in the breeze and, for a second, all time suspended.

The woman extended her hand toward another woman, laughter coloring her aura in beautiful tones of happiness. The other woman wore a white suit with plunging cleavage. She was beautifully brown skinned with pink braids and her gaze told the story of a deep comfortable love. To have someone to love you so completely and unapologetically…the mere idea took my breath away. They both took my breath away.

The woman wearing the suit took the South Asian woman’s hand and kissed it. As they separated, the shine of a ring flashed, bringing things back to normal speed.

“Hey… I lost you there for a second. You good? What were you gonna ask?” Milton’s worried face appeared in front of me as the women’s giddy laughter faded away into the melee of the afternoon.

“I… I don’t even know what was on my mind.” I trailed off, incapable of hiding my wistfulness. The South Asian woman was now dancing on the street while her new wife gazed at her adoringly.

When was the last time I smiled like that? When was the last time I felt like dancing on the street because my joy was so damn filling I couldn’t but move my body?

There were so many ways that Milton made me feel content, but happiness ?

“They look so happy, don’t they? Good for them. Life is ethereal; you gotta take those risks,” Milton said, and all my nerves saluted in alertness. His eyes met mine, and I let it show—the interest for more—the yearning that had settled in the pit of my stomach and refused to depart.

“Yes, risk-taking…an important part of life, wouldn’t you think?” I asked. Damn right, my candles had worked. Gracias, Tía Patricia . I knew you had my back, girl. A quick sign of the cross wouldn’t hurt anyone right now either, so I did one, hoping to hide it from Milton.

“Yes…yes, I would think. Listen… I—I wasn’t planning to ask yet, but you’ve been so supportive of me, and our dates these past ten months have been the highlight of my romantic life, so…” Milton shifted from one foot to the other, his loafers and crisp jeans flexing with the movement. “I never thought I’d be courting again at forty-two, but here I am… I want to…formally court you if that would be okay with you… I want us to…take things more seriously, you and I. I mean, maybe not exclusive yet, I would have to end a couple of casual dating situations I have, but we can chat about that…”

Yeah, let’s chat about those right the fuck now. of his situationships had reached out to me via my business IG page, woman to woman. Miranda had been livid, ready to slay dragons for me via DM. I in turn recognized myself in the woman. She was also a divorcee, but with no children. She worked in finance in some lofty firm—Miranda had become better than Jarvis and found everything there was to know about that woman. Everything she put in her DM told me she thought she was the main one in Milton’s life, only agreeing to the polyamory lifestyle because she was already forty and thought this was her last chance.

This woman was me.

I explained to her that I had no control over Milton’s actions and that she should speak with him.

Two days later Milton called me assuring me that woman wouldn’t bother me again.

“She was a little confused about our arrangement, and to be honest, if I ever went monogamous again it wouldn’t be with her…” Milton had a way of dangling monogamy like the end prize. And he knew I wanted that prize bad.

Suddenly, that pretty smile of his loomed too close. I took a tentative step back from Milton, attempting to calm down the hairs on the back of my neck. Nothing around us should have caused the foreboding sensation that ran through me. I glanced around. Same kids, same families, nothing odd. Same pretty dog. Same summer green everywhere, same cars beeping and honking. Where could the threat be? Milton called my attention again.

“I should have waited. Sorry for asking this in the middle of the street. I’m just excited to ask because I’ve got this trip to the Poconos, and I want you to come with me for the holiday weekend.”

The hairs all calmed down as my mind focused away from whatever momentary threat was around us, and flashes of a romantic getaway captured my attention: tub and all. Milton and I had already been intimate enough for me to know all his special moves, but maybe with this weekend away, we could further align our desires and find that sweet spot for both of us. And maybe I should bring my toys in case we didn’t find that elusive sweet spot. Like any other damn time we had tried.

“We’ve never had a romantic trip yet…that would be so good.” I grabbed his hand, and again that solid, dependable quality hit me in my chest—until Milton grimaced, his thick lips pursing.

“Oh well, it won’t be fully romantic…it’s well, it’s a noncompulsory workretreat for couples. Only people in relationships get invited, but I thought if you and…well, you and I get along so well, it seems it was all destined to happen right now, you know, like it was meant to be?”

Oh…

“Oh…”

Oh…maybe playing Goldilocks would have been a better use of my time. But here I was, getting the question I hoped to get today, and giving a one-syllable answer back.

Story of my life.