Eleven
ELEVEN
Trinidad
“E xcuse me, what?” I stared at Orlando, looking so fresh and clean in his outfit, his New York swag unmistakable. Anger should have been the primary emotion operating inside me, and it was initially. Still, within seconds, I started imagining what I could do for him to get me back to New York, and then I grew angry with myself.
Zero self-perseverance, just lust and a clitoris that hadn’t been appropriately touched save for self-touch in more than a year. That is what fueled my addled brain, images of Orlando settling himself between my legs to feast right on that sofa in his living room. Or me standing by the beautiful big window that faced the crystalline pool and palm trees in the backyard, getting pounded by a fully naked, ebony smooth, glistening trunk of a man. Orlando to be exact, in case there were any doubts.
There was no pride residing in me after these filthy thoughts. So without a word, I turned around and left that Airbnb of sin and temptation, not wanting even to consider what I would have said if I had stayed for a few more seconds.
I could have never expected this to be what he actually meant. A daughter? A five-year-old daughter? Bitter disappointment took over the anger and lust, leaving me empty and depleted.
What a day. What a week. And now the one man I thought had the type of fortitude and integrity to do the right thing by my sons was a philanderer who had a daughter. He didn’t even know the location of said child.
“Yeah, I… I need help.” Orlando shifted his stance, his shoulders drooping, his gaze pleading. Damn him and those pretty dark brown eyes. Why would God give him such pretty eyes? What a waste. Deserters of children should not have such lovely eyes. Reminded me of my good-for-nothing ex-husband.
You sure know how to pick them, girl.
Oh callate, como jodes.
Wonderful. I was now talking to myself. This day had reduced me to talking to my damn self.
“I’m not sure I can help ’cause I don’t condone child abandonment.” My voice crackled with the remaining anger from earlier, underlined by the hurt of knowing this man wasn’t what he presented.
“Abandon? Ms. V, with all due respect, I’m fucking offended. What about me makes you think I would abandon a child?”
Oh, now he was the one mad? Excuse me, I didn’t realize the tables had turned so quickly. Two seconds ago, he was looking all pitiful and in need of help. Now he stood tall and rigid, and my brain, the treacherous organ, tried to conjure more images of sexy, naked, glistening Orlando.
“Ohhh, you don’t get to be mad! I’m not the one with a five-year-old. God knows where.” I gestured wildly, my voice increasing in volume.
Behind us was a pretty blue house with white trimmings. The front window curtain fluttered, and a set of eyes appeared. Damn. I was making a scene.
“You have me in the middle of this quaint little street acting a damn fool. Those days are long past me!” I screamed. Well, I guess I wasn’t that concerned about making a scene.
“What, what do you mean those days? Never mind, listen. Why don’t we go back to the rental?”
Oh, he was now using the “this broad is mental” tone. All men had it, they started talking slightly slower, their inflections precise and modulated. Some even whispered. That shit didn’t work with me.
“No, say what you have to say right here. That will determine my next steps.”
“Aren’t you the one with no place to stay and stranded with no flights out?”
“This man-child didn’t just…” I paced on the concrete, the rollaway wheels struggling with the uneven little gravel.
“I can hear you, Ms. V.”
Now that was his “don’t play with me” tone, and there went my brain, ready to fantasize again. That little rumble when he said Ms. V…mmmmm.
“Then hear away!” I whirled around and threw my hands up. At this point, I felt out of options. My own flesh and blood had put me in this situation. Damn me for thinking gentle parenting was the way to go; those two needed less communication and more fear. Great, now I sounded like their father.
“Let’s go to the Airbnb,” Orlando said, his tone changing once more to conciliatory.
“No.” I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but at this moment, this man was paying for all that had gone wrong today. It wasn’t fair to him; this wasn’t like me. Well, the new me, but I had zero ability to regulate my thoughts and emotions right now. He was encountering a version of me I thought I’d left behind: passionate, impulsive, risky Trinidad. Hot Girl Trinidad. Sizzling Trinidad, like Miranda still called me. That Trinidad had a lot of fun, but she also got into a lot of trouble.
“I really don’t want to do this, but more neighbors are peeking out the windows now, and soon they’ll call the police on us.” Back to the rumbly warning. And what didn’t he want to—” Up you go.”
My body flew. That is the only way I can describe it. This lean baby man-child picked me up like a sack of rice and placed me comfortably on his shoulders.
Air deserted me.
I was dangling, face near his scrumptious ass, while my legs swayed in front of him. I should kick him in his most vulnerable place. I should press a kiss on his back. I should lie still and let him have his way with me.
Just as the last traitorous thought invaded my brain, the owner of the blue house came out, a cute little old Black lady with a concerned look.
“Are you alright, miss?” the lady asked.
Finally, it all clicked, and I calmed down enough to think things rationally.
“Oh yes, yes, this is my friend Orlando. We always play roughhouse. I’m sorry, but we are both on vacation brains and should be more mindful,” I explained, voice strained from the awkward position I was in.
Whoosh! Air sailed through my locs, and my eyes watered as Orlando swiveled to face the old lady.
“That’s right, so sorry, ma’am, we promise to act with more decorum moving forward. Thanks for your understanding.” Orlando was back to talking normally, but the heat of his lean body seared mine; I felt every syllable, every rumble. Everywhere. “We’ll leave you to it.”
Orlando ended his charming entreaty and finished it with a friendly swat on my ass. The feel of his palm against my sundress would be engraved in my memories forever. What was meant to be a quick swat became a full-blown exploration of my behind; he even massaged it a bit before letting it go.
First, I would teach this man-child about enthusiastic consent.
Second, no moan would escape my mouth.
The walk to the house was quick; after all, I had only passed three houses before stopping. Orlando refused to drop me off until we crossed his threshold. His eyes were leery on me as I fixed my hair and dress once I was back on firm ground.
“You should have—”
“That wasn’t right; I shouldn’t have swatted your…your posterior area. I meant to put the lady at ease and wasn’t thinking straight, but that is no excuse. You’ve never consented to my touch like that.”
Oh. No lesson needed, I guess.
“Yes, well…next time, just ask.”
What the hell? Next time, just ask? What, who? I was broken. That’s what was happening. I was broken. My twins, and Milton, and my ex and this man-child, they had all broken me.
“Oh…it’s like that, Ms. V?”
Oh, see, I hadn’t seen this Orlando, and I wasn’t ready for him. Confident, flirty Orlando was dangerous to my senses.
“Let’s stay on topic, please,” I grumbled. Annoyed, my nether parts wanted me to flirt back.
“This is the topic, Ms. V. Enlighten me. What will next time look like? I want to be prepared.” Orlando sat on one of the love seats. His toned thighs appeared slowly as he spread, finding a comfortable sitting position. The circumference of said thighs felt incongruent with the rest of his lean body, but somehow, it all worked. I was ashamed to admit I got a little giddy when he finally found his comfort. That leg spread looked promising. “Ms. V?” A thread of surprised amusement and simmering heat accompanied his words. De-escalation was required. STAT. I was not about to convert into Hot Girl Sizzling Trinidad with this man. Oh no.
“You need me to find your daughter whom you lost.” I plopped myself on the opposite couch, wanting to dissuade him from any other thoughts. His eyes seared me from top to bottom, then settled contently on my face. A girlish sigh escaped me, and we both froze.
“Are you…” Orlando leaned over, pressing his elbows on his legs. The predatory air surrounding me reminded me for a second that, no matter how much I wanted to think of Orlando as young, he was still a man. And I was reacting too much to this man while trying to get back to who I hoped to be MY man.
“I am fine. I am so sorry. This has been a very chaotic day. I just… I just want to go home. And I am the person who usually has the answers, and right now, I am running out of them.”
“I get that…truly, I do—it’s hard when you try to do everything right, and it still doesn’t work out your way, isn’t it?” He stayed in the same position, but now his gaze assessed me. Not sure what he saw, because I was a hot ass mess right now, but in his voice… I heard kinship. I recognized that long-ago pain of doing everything to be seen and loved and not getting what I needed in return.
“Yeah, it sucks. But you wake up the next day and you do it again. And as long as you are at peace and harmony with what you need for yourself, then the rest will fall in place.” I nodded to him, hoping to alleviate some of his concerns. Even now, knowing he wasn’t the man I thought, I still felt connected to him.
“I guess…listen. I did not abandon my kid. I…met this girl a few summers ago. She was the daughter of my old neighbor. And we chilled for the whole summer, every summer. We got to know each other, mostly as friends, but you know…”
“Well, yeah, there is a five-year-old out there, so I do know.”
“Yeah, well, we never had plans for long distance or anything like that; we were both clear with our expectations. We…probably did it a couple of times, and we used a condom all of them, so imagine my surprise…”
“Did the condom break?”
“Well, yeah, that one time, but I hadn’t finished yet! I changed it, and we were good money,” Orlando explained, looking scared and worried but oddly excited. That…that right there was the man I had seen with my boys.
“So, you really are out here just trying to reconnect with your girl and your kid?”
Orlando shook his head, stopping my train of thought.
“Nah, not reconnect with her. We were cool and all, but she kept me out in the dark. I have no beef with her, but I’m not looking to establish anything but a connection with my daughter. I cannot wait to be a father to her. That’s it. I had to find out from her grandmother.”
I nodded along, finally understanding the whole thing. He’d come early to search in private. His friends would probably not understand. He had a plan, and I was trying to derail it, and still, he was looking for ways to accommodate me.
“Listen, this what you are telling me is way more important than me getting back to New York to get to Milton.”
“Oh…your man is waiting for you?” Orlando’s disappointment could not be louder in this room full of sunshine and unspoken thoughts. And the reality was Milton didn’t even know what had happened. He hadn’t checked on me once; I didn’t feel like disclosing the boys did this. It would sour him even more to them. My boys were my boys. They did wrong, but damn if I let anybody speak on them who barely knew them.
“I…let’s say there are many reasons why I am looking to return early, but none of them are as important as you finding your child. Your deal is more than fair. I’ll help you out today. And hopefully I’ll find my solution along the way. Who knows, we might meet some people with more resources!” Somehow, the anger that had taken over earlier had dissipated in the salty sea air and the company of Orlando. Somehow, hearing his story, even though abbreviated, made me feel like we were partners in crime. Even if just for today, both searching for something/someone.
Both searching.