Chapter 5 #2
They ambled along an avenue of holly bushes, their sharp leaves a glossy green, their ripe berries a flaming red. He considered his next words carefully.
“I disagree,” he said. “It’s too soon to talk of love, but I believe you and I would suit quite well. I admit I’ve done little to persuade you of my good character. I hope you will give me that chance now, instead of banishing me from your life.”
“I wouldn’t wish you to act out of a sense of obligation. You owe me nothing.”
Darcy hardly knew what to say after that. “You confound me, Miss Bennet. I behaved carelessly yesterday—you were right to take offence. But I assure you, my intentions are honourable.”
“Honourable indeed! You would offer for my hand without trying to win my heart? I’ve spent more time choosing a bonnet than you seem to have put into choosing your life’s partner.”
His mouth set into a hard line. Was she right? Was he acting precipitously?
The sharp scent of chrysanthemums rose from the flowerbeds. “In the years since I left university,” Darcy said, “I’ve had dozens of eligible young women placed in my path. You’re the first one to make marriage seem like something less than a chore.”
“Less than a chore!” Elizabeth cried dramatically. “That’s high praise indeed.”
He inwardly cursed his poor choice of words. “I didn’t mean—”
“Mr. Darcy, forgive me,” she said coldly, stopping to look at him.
“You don’t stoop to dissembling. You meant what you said.
It’s not a strong enough reason to marry.
I would thank you for doing me the honour, if I believed there were any true honour in it.
You feel guilty over the kiss, and that’s unnecessary.
My conscience is at ease, and yours should be as well.
Let us move on as if it hadn’t happened. ”
From the boughs of a nearby oak, a squirrel chattered as they walked past. A sudden breeze tumbled the dry, brown leaves. “At least assure me, you don’t think me a rogue who preys on innocent young women.”
Her cheeks turned pink in the chill air, and wisps of hair escaped her bonnet. He couldn’t help admiring her windswept beauty.
“Fear not,” she said. “You’ve done your duty. Your good name is safe with me.”
He ought to be satisfied. She’d said the words he wanted to hear. But her tone was icy.
“Miss Bennet, yesterday you accused me of dallying with you. I’ve apologised and demonstrated my good intentions. Yet still, you’re angry.”
If he wanted fire from her, he got it. “You’ve shown no affection for me, no tenderness of feeling. Your motives have been lust and obligation. And for that, I’m to be grateful? I’m to be humbled by your attentions? Please forgive me that I’m not.”
He made no answer. The emotions brewing within him blocked rational thought. Finally, he said, “I believe you mistake my motives.”
“Perhaps. I’m no mind reader. I can only draw conclusions based on your actions.”
“Is it so hard to believe that I admire you?” He spoke in heated tones. “That I kissed you and offered to speak with your father for that reason alone?”
She stopped and stared at him. “You barely know me.”
“Then at least give me a chance to know you better.”
She looked away. “That seems unwise, considering what happened the last time we spoke.”
Anger rose in his breast, but he stayed silent until it had abated. Dappled sunlight spilled onto the ground, the gravel glinting in the scattered rays.
Finally, he offered an impassioned plea. “What happened last time proves that something rare exists between us. It was a good kiss. At least, I thought so. You seemed to as well, whilst it lasted.”
Her cheeks turned scarlet. “Attraction is not love.”
“Attraction can turn into love.”
“It can also turn into ruin.”
He bit his cheek. They walked without speaking. Bird cries rent the silence, perhaps warning of a marauding cat.
Reaching the house, they followed Jane and Bingley inside. Breakfast would be served soon. With a few parting words, Darcy went upstairs and called for a bath. The warm water soothed his muscles after the exertion of the ride, but couldn’t ease the turmoil in his mind.
Was he making a fool of himself? Why pursue a woman hostile towards him?
At the stroke of ten, he arrived in the breakfast room. The furniture was light and modern, the round table more intimate than in the formal dining room. A sense of optimism and sociability filled the space—far from the emotions weighing down Darcy’s spirits.
How could he get through to Elizabeth? Why was he so determined to try?
The Miss Bennets joined him, and his gut churned with anxiety. Jane’s face beamed with a subdued happiness, whilst Elizabeth was quiet and wary. He did his duty, making up plates for them, eggs and kippers and apple scones.
The Bingleys and the Hursts soon arrived, adding to the din. Elizabeth’s placid demeanour betrayed no hint of their wretched conversation earlier.
He watched her with a heaviness of heart. He’d done the honourable thing. What more could she want?
Then, he remembered. She’d told him exactly what she wanted. The only thing that will entice me to marry is an abiding love.
He couldn’t offer that—not yet. Pressing his suit wouldn’t win her respect. He must take the time to court her slowly. Only then would she trust that his feelings were real.
He could afford to be patient. Bingley planned to remain at Netherfield into December. That would give Darcy two months to secure her heart.
In the meantime, he must keep his physical desires in check. He couldn’t kiss her again. Not until she was his.