Chapter Twenty-Six
TWENTY-SIX
Micah
All I can do is stand there and stare at Aidan. My brain can’t process the reality. It’s too shocking, too humiliating…
The guy I’ve been chatting with and flirting with for the past few weeks is Aidan.
The guy I’ve been confiding in, the guy who set me at ease with his sweetness and humor, the guy who I have a crush on is Aidan.
It feels like my entire body is on fire with how exposed I feel. I may as well be standing naked in front of him.
I told him so many personal things. The guy who loathes me, who can’t stand the sight of me now knows my biggest insecurities. He knows about my biggest heartbreak. He knows about my failed dreams.
I wrote fanfic about our hookup. I never thought he’d see it. Ever.
But he read it.
Oh god…
It feels like a billion invisible needles are pricking into my skin.
Aidan stares back at me, his eyebrows wrinkled together, like he’s as shocked and horrified as I am.
He shakes his head, as if he’s trying to pull himself out of a daze. When he opens his mouth to speak, nothing comes out. He closes his eyes and falls forward, his elbows on his knees. He buries his face in his arms.
“No fucking way,” he mutters in a muffled voice. “It can’t be you.”
My breathing picks up. I tug at the collar of my blouse. It’s not even buttoned all the way, but I feel like I’m burning up and choking all at once.
“Of all the people in the world…” I let out a laugh that’s crazed and sad all at once.
When Aidan finally looks up at me, his cheeks are red and his eyes are shy. For a long moment, we just stay like that, him sitting and me standing while staring at each other. The air between us thick with the mutual awkwardness and shock we feel.
“I gotta be honest with you, Micah. I have no idea what to say or do right now.”
I nod. “Same.”
Aidan gestures to the chair on the other side of his desk. I plop down. He takes off his blazer, stands up, and steps over to Jason’s desk, yanks open one of the drawers, and pulls out a bottle of bourbon and two small shot glasses.
He holds up the bottle in his hand. “Drink?”
I nod. He sets the shot glasses at the end of his desk, sits back down in his chair, and pours a generous shot in both glasses.
We grab our shots and down them in silence. I wince at the hot burn in my throat. When I glance over at Aidan, I see that he does the same.
He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. His crystal-blue gaze cuts to me. “Another?”
I nod. He splashes more of the amber liquid into our glasses, and we knock them back.
When I set my glass back on his desk, he catches eyes with me. “Another?”
“You really think that’s a good idea? The two of us shitfaced in your office during a snowstorm after finding out we’ve been secret pen pals the past couple of weeks?”
He pauses. “You’re probably right.” He sets the bottle back on Jason’s desk.
Another quiet moment passes. I clear my throat. “We should probably talk about…this.”
He hunches over slightly and rubs the back of his neck. His gaze cuts to me. “This is really fucking weird.”
I let out an awkward laugh. “Yeah. It is. But we can’t just ignore it.”
Aidan’s broad shoulders rise and fall as he exhales. “You’re right. But god’s honest truth? I’m terrified of you, Micah.”
I lean back, stunned at his admission. “Why?”
He chuckles like he can’t believe I’m asking him this question. “Because you have the power to put me out of a job. And you’re also the woman I’ve been flirting with via chat for the past two weeks. And I’m honestly having a hard time reconciling those two parts of you.”
I’m quiet while I process what he’s said. I completely understand where he’s coming from.
“How about this? Can we, just for tonight, ignore our work relationship? Can we just talk to each other as Hermia and ShakespeareInLust?”
His brow lifts, like he’s intrigued at what I’ve proposed.
“For the rest of tonight, we’re not Aidan and Micah. We can talk about whatever we need to in order to clear the air between us. Nothing is off-limits. And neither of us will hold anything we say against the other later on.”
He nods and looks me in the eye. “Okay. I’m good with that.”
Nerves crackle in my stomach. I fiddle with the hem of my skirt, but I stop myself and fold my hands in my lap.
As nervous and anxious as I feel, I should be the first to start this conversation, since it was my idea.
I work up the nerve to hold Aidan’s gaze. “I like you. You’re really sweet. And funny. And really easy to talk to. I always look forward to our chats to help me get through a stressful day. And I’m a huge fan of your writing on Scribble Share. You’re really talented.”
For a long second, Aidan just looks at me, like he’s stunned at what I’ve said.
“Really?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“Thank you,” he says softly.
His throat works as he swallows. The hint of a smile dances across his lips. “I like you a lot too. And I feel the exact same way about you. Flirting and chatting with you is a blast. You make me feel really comfortable. I feel like I could talk to you about anything. I don’t feel that way with a lot of people.”
“You don’t?”
He shakes his head and taps his finger on the side of his empty shot glass. His eyes cut to me, the corner of his mouth lifted in an easy half smile. “You seem surprised by that.”
“You have a lot of friends in the English department. You’re always hanging out with Jason and Kendall. I guess I just assumed you’d feel comfortable talking to them about anything.”
“I do. But talking to you on the app was different. They don’t know that I write steamy fanfic in my spare time. No one does. You’re the only one.”
Intensity flashes in his crystal-blue eyes as he holds my gaze. My stomach flips.
“Why haven’t you told anyone else about your writing?” I ask.
“Jason and Kendall would be cool about it if I told them, but it’s kind of nice to have something that I do just for me. I can just focus on writing what makes me happy without worrying about what people in my life would say about it.”
“Yeah, I understand that.”
“I also keep it to myself because people in my field can be really fucking pretentious and judgmental assholes when it comes to writing romance and erotica. And I don’t want to deal with their bullshit if I don’t have to.”
I think about my ex. “I definitely can’t blame you for that.”
When I look back at Aidan, he’s frowning. “I know I said this on the app, but your ex was a piece of shit for insulting your writing. And for cheating on you.”
He furrows his brow like he’s pissed on my behalf for being cheated on. I feel myself start to soften.
“Thanks for that,” I say to him. “It was his assistant. It had been going on for a while, I think.”
His expression turns to disgust. “This fucking guy. What a creep, to cheat with his own employee.”
“Yeah.” I let out a breath. “She really admired his work and would rave about him constantly. He was really into that. Obviously.”
Aidan’s looks to the side, shaking his head. He mutters a curse word before looking back at me. “You’re a talented writer, Micah. He was probably jealous that you were so good.”
“I don’t know about that. He was pretty full of himself and his writing.”
“What’s his name?”
“Ashton Rutherford.”
Aidan’s brow hits his hairline. “Seriously?”
I nod, my stomach sinking. He’s probably a huge fan of his.
A beat later, the shock on his face turns to a grimace. “I hate that guy. His writing sucks.”
I burst out laughing so hard, I almost fall out of my chair. A few seconds later, I hear Aidan laughing along with me.
“I’m not kidding,” he says. “His writing is so dense. Does the guy get off on purple prose?”
I clutch my stomach, laughing even harder.
“I’d rather read a thousand-page instruction manual than another one of his books,” Aidan says. “I couldn’t even finish reading the one and only book of his that I tried. I made it fifty pages, then I gave up.”
I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. It’s a minute before I’m able to talk again. I wipe my face and look at him.
“Which book was it?” I ask.
“ Primal Resurrection .”
I grimace. “Oh god, yeah. That one was rough. I only read it because we were dating at the time.”
“Even the title was terrible.” Aidan grimaces.
“I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was all bad. Not like it mattered. His publisher loved it. So did his superfans.”
I catch Aidan looking at me.
“You’re a way, way better writer than your ex.”
“You don’t have to butter me up.”
“I’m not. Micah, you’re an incredible writer. I love everything you’ve written. I’m not the only one either. Your posts are a hit with readers. They love them too.”
I take in the sincerity in his eyes, the seriousness of his tone. He’s being honest.
“Thank you,” I say softly.
“Your ex is a typical literary douchebag,” Aidan says. He shakes his head. “I should know. I’m kind of one too.” A heavy sigh falls from his lips. He aims a pained gaze at me. “I’m really sorry, Micah, for what I said to you when we met.”
I wave a hand. “You already apologized for making fun of my name when we were in the elevator—it’s fine.”
“No, that’s not the only thing I have to apologize for.” A hard swallow moves along the length of his throat. “I’m sorry for speaking to you so dismissively during that first staff meeting. That was really rude of me. It was just that…” He pauses to take a breath. “Some of the things you said brought up a really upsetting memory. I know you didn’t mean to do that, but my reaction was almost like a reflex. I automatically went into defensive mode when I spoke to you. And that was pretty messed up. You were just doing your job. I’m sorry for that.”
I blink at him, stunned at what he’s said.
“That means a lot. Thank you.” I pause. “I owe you an apology too. I came into this situation with a pretty harsh attitude. I was curt and short with you when we first spoke at that meeting. I’m sorry for that. I’ve done this job for so long that I’ve gotten used to disconnecting from it. Like, I know that at the end of the day, people’s jobs are at stake because of what I do. And that’s really shitty. I shouldn’t blame you or anyone else for being upset with me. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t be happy about it either.”
He nods like he understands and appreciates what I’ve said.
“And I’m sorry that the way I spoke to you triggered you,” I say.
“It’s really okay.”
I pause for a second before I work up to what I want to say.
“Do you want to talk about it? What upset you that day?” I ask.
He hesitates for a second.
“I spilled my guts to you about my ex. Just now and on Scribble Share. You can vent to me too.”
A small smile tugs at his lips. For a long moment, we’re quiet. The air between is us different now. The thickness is gone. Things feel lighter, more natural.
His gaze falls to the floor as he rubs the back of his neck. “It’s just…when you said that thing about how you’ll be able to figure out the exact value of me during your audit…” He clears his throat. “My dad said something similar to me years ago, right before we had a falling out.”
I still. “That’s awful. I’m so sorry.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not like it’s your fault that my brain made that association.”
“But still. I’m sorry you fell out with your dad. That must have been really painful.”
There’s a flash of rawness in his eyes. “It was.” He blinks and it’s gone. He’s gaze is focused again. “I was a pretty serious hockey player when I was a kid, all the way through college.”
“Oh.” My voice hitches up.
He smiles. “You sound surprised.”
“I just wasn’t expecting you to say that. But I guess it makes sense.”
My gaze trails down his torso. Even through that crisp white dress shirt and tie he’s wearing, I can picture his ripped torso perfectly. All those hard lines and cut muscles. It makes sense now why he’s in such good shape—he’s an athlete. In addition to being a sexy, nerdy professor who loves Shakespeare and secretly writes erotic fanfic.
God, he is unfairly hot.
I blink, snapping myself out of that daze and focus back on his face.
“Both my younger brother and I played hockey growing up, to our dad’s delight. He was a hockey superfan. I’m assuming he still is.”
There’s an ache in my chest at the way Aidan says that last sentence. He sounds so sad.
“For a lot of my life, he felt like more of a coach than a dad. Always talking about how well we played and what we could do to improve our skills. Every conversation was about hockey and training. I enjoyed playing, but I was never good enough to make it into a career. Unlike my brother.”
“How long did he play for?” I ask.
“He still plays. Professionally now, for the Nashville Wolves.”
“Oh, wow. That’s impressive.”
Aidan smiles, like he’s proud of his brother. “Yeah, he’s really good.” His smile fades. “I hit the end of my rope in college. I was tired of making hockey my whole life. I was sick of all the injuries, of feeling sore and beat up all the time. And I was starting to get really into my English and literature classes at that point. I quit the team and started researching grad schools so I could study literature and eventually become a professor. When I told my dad, he was pissed.”
Aidan winces like he’s in pain before he continues. “He said, ‘You think that because you got A’s in all your English classes, you’re a genius? You suddenly think your value is in your brain instead of your body now? Pathetic.’”
My jaw falls open. What kind of parent would say that to their own child?
My chest aches as I imagine college-aged Aidan listening to those words from his own dad.
His head droops and his shoulders slump, like just reliving that memory is throttling him.
Before I can stop myself, I reach over and touch my hand to his forearm. He closes his eyes, like he’s savoring my touch, like it gives him comfort.
My palm tingles against his warm skin.
“He shouldn’t have said that to you,” I say in a soft voice.
Aidan nods. A second later he lifts his head and glances off to the side. “We haven’t spoken much since then. Things have been pretty strained between us. I don’t really want to see him.”
“I understand.” I’m quiet for a moment. “You’re a great teacher, Aidan. That first class of yours that I observed was really enjoyable. You’re passionate about literature, and you care about your students. And I thought the way you had your students compare Romeo and Juliet’s love to their own feelings about their first relationships was honestly brilliant.”
His brow lifts in surprise. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“That means a lot coming from you. Thank you.” He flashes a smile. His eyes are soft and warm.
Then he quirks an eyebrow, his expression amused. “We broke the rules.”
“What do you mean?”
“We were supposed to just be ShakespeareInLust and Hermia. We weren’t supposed to talk about anything else.”
I chuckle, but then I start to second-guess myself. “But it was okay though, right? I just mean, I hope you don’t regret telling me anything…”
He shakes his head. “It was more than okay. Thank you for listening to me. And for understanding.”
Warmth pools in my chest at the sincerity in Aidan’s eyes, at the softness in his voice.
“Of course. Thank you for trashing my ex with me. That was fun.”
His head falls back as he laughs. And then he glances down at my hand on his arm. And then he smiles.
That smile.
It’s different from all the ones I’ve seen from him so far. This one is gorgeous. It reaches his eyes. They’re practically sparkling. It’s easy and relaxed, and it makes my heart do funny things.
I just now realize that I’ve been touching him for a while. I pull my hand away but accidentally smack my elbow against his thermos. It topples over, splashing all over Aidan’s lap and stomach.
“Crap!” I jump up from my chair. “I’m so sorry!”
He lets out an embarrassed laugh. “It’s okay. Really.”
I shake my head, feeling like an awkward idiot. “I can’t believe I did that. God, I’m so clumsy.”
I swipe the tissue box from the other desk, grab a few tissues, and step over to where Aidan’s sitting, but then I trip over a loose piece of carpet.
I yelp, and my ass falls into his lap. He lets out an “Oof!” I grip his shoulders to steady myself. He rests his hands on my waist.
And that’s when I realize that we’re nose to nose, our mouths barely a few inches apart.
I gaze at those crystal-blue eyes wide with surprise. His lips are parted. The hot breath he lets out dusts my lips. My mouth tingles, aching to kiss him.
I flex my hands, savoring the hard feel of his muscled shoulders. Between my legs, my clit is throbbing.
Suddenly the air in the room is thick and buzzing. I let out a shaky breath.
The urge to kiss Aidan pulses through me like an electrical current. But I don’t want to do it unless I get a clear sign from him that he wants to too.
Just then I have an idea.
I bite my bottom lip.
I watch as his pupils dilate and the corner of his mouth kicks up. I start to smile too.
A half second later, his mouth is on mine.