Chapter Thirty-Three
THIRTY-THREE
Aidan
I sit there, too shocked to move or speak.
It’s been years since I’ve seen my dad. And somehow we run into each other at this random pub just outside of the Gulch?
A familiar uneasiness settles in the pit of my stomach. The muscles in my shoulders tense. Even though it’s been a long time since we last spoke, my body remembers how to react to him.
He walks over to me. Now that he’s closer, I see just how much he’s aged since the last time I saw him. The wrinkles on his face are deeper. His hair is more gray than light brown now. When he blinks, the fatigue in his eyes is clear.
My dad doesn’t stand as tall as I remember him. We’ve always been the same height. Six foot two. But I see now that his shoulders are hunched and his back is slumped.
He flashes a tired smile. “It’s really good to see you.”
I’m taken aback by the genuine joy in his voice. I haven’t heard him speak like that to me in… I can’t even remember.
He never used to sound that way when we talked. When I was a kid playing hockey, he’d always lecture me on how I could train and play better. His tone was always so hard and cold.
But he sounds warm when he speaks now, and it’s throwing me off.
I nod at him. “Yeah. It’s been a while.” I almost flinch at how detached I sound.
My dad’s smile falters at what I’ve said. He glances over at Micah, who’s glancing between the two of us. The look in her eyes seems pained and pitying.
After a second, she smiles and sticks out her hand for him to shake. “I’m Micah. I work with Aidan.”
He shakes her hand and gives her a warm smile. “Lovely to meet you.”
He turns back to me. “I, uh, saw you at your brother’s game the other day.”
“You did?”
He nods. “I see you a lot. Almost every time I go to a game, I see you there too. But, uh, I don’t wanna bother you, so I don’t say anything. I know you’d hate that.” He flashes a sad smile. “How’s work going? Liam says you’re a professor at East Nashville University.”
I tense when he mentions my job. Inside I feel so jumbled, like my body can’t decide how to feel in this moment.
“Yeah, it’s good. I teach literature there.”
He grins wide. There’s a brightness in his eyes. He almost looks…proud of me.
“That’s really great, Aidan.” He pats my shoulder, but then he quickly pulls his hand away, almost like he didn’t mean to do that.
Another quiet moment passes. His smile turns sad as he looks between Micah and me.
“Sorry for interrupting.”
“It’s okay,” Micah says quickly, but my dad shakes his head.
“I don’t want to intrude more than I already have.” He looks at me. “It was good to see you, son.”
Sadness flashes in his blue eyes. My chest aches.
I nod without saying anything more. He walks off.
Micah touches her hand to my arm. I turn to her.
“Are you okay?” Concern and sadness flash in her deep brown eyes.
I let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know.”
* * *
I unlock the door to my place and let Micah in.
“Thanks for driving me home,” I say as I close the door behind her.
She grabs my hand in hers and squeezes tight. “Of course.”
After that run-in with my dad, I was so out of it that she insisted on driving me back to my place. I was quiet the whole ride here, but it didn’t seem to bother Micah. She didn’t pepper me with questions. She just seemed to understand that I needed a quiet moment to process what happened with my dad.
I glance up and see the sink full of dishes.
“Sorry it’s a little messy,” I say.
“Don’t apologize. Do you want to sit for a sec?”
I nod. She leads me over to the couch, and together we sit down.
I squeeze her hadn’t in mine. “I’m sorry things were so awkward at the pub with my dad.”
She shakes her head, a small smile pulling at her mouth. “Stop apologizing, okay? You don’t need to be sorry for anything.”
I scrub a hand along my scruffy jaw. “I just…it was weird running into my dad. I wasn’t expecting him to be so happy to see me.”
Micah looks surprised. “Really?”
“The last time we spoke to each other was years ago. He was so angry with me. But tonight…” He huffs out a breath. “My brain is kind of all over the place right now. Sor—”
She smiles when I stop myself. “It’s okay,” she says softly.
“Whenever I talk about my dad with anyone else, I always feel on edge. I always feel like they’re judging me. But with you, it’s different,” I say. “I feel comfortable with you. Like I can tell you anything.”
Her expression turns warm as she looks at me. “You can. Tell me anything you want. Or nothing. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
A warm feeling settles in my chest. I feel so much comfort being with Micah right now. She’s giving me the support I need after that jarring interaction with my dad—the support I’ve never gotten from anyone else whenever I talked to them about my strained relationship with him.
A pained look appears on Micah’s beautiful face. With her free hand, she cups my cheek. “I’m so sorry you’re having these feelings right now about your dad.”
I close my eyes, humming softly at her touch, how comforting it is.
“My brother still has a relationship with him, and every so often he tries to talk me into reconnecting with our dad, but I always shut him down. I just can’t get past the things he said to me. I’m too hurt, even now, even after all these years. But maybe he really has changed…”
Micah’s quiet as I trail off and work out the mess of thoughts in my brain.
“But even if he has, I don’t know if I can move past what happened. I don’t know if I want to have a relationship with him, even if he’s changed for the better now. That doesn’t erase the hurtful things he said and did before.”
She nods like she understands. “Of course.” She hesitates for a second. “Look, I don’t know your brother, obviously, but I’m sure he means well. It probably hurts him to see a rift between his brother and his dad. But even so, your feelings are valid, Aidan. It’s okay that you’re still hurt over what he did to you. And it’s okay that you need time to process your feelings. It’s okay that you need time to figure out what you want to do when it comes to your dad. Take all the time you need.”
I gaze at Micah, taking in the softness and sincerity in her eyes. Emotion surges through me like a tidal wave. In the past, when I’ve been in a relationship and my estrangement with my dad came up, my exes have always listened to me and said they understood, but I could tell they didn’t really get it. They didn’t really empathize with what I was going through. I couldn’t blame them. It’s complicated, this thing with my dad.
But this is the first time I’ve ever felt truly heard, truly understood. With Micah.
My heart thuds in my chest. There’s a strange ache that I don’t think I’ve felt before.
The longer I look at her, the more that ache intensifies, burrowing deeper in my chest.
Right now I don’t need anything or anyone except her.
I grab her face in my hands and pull her to my mouth, kissing her hard. When we break apart, we’re both panting. I rest my forehead against hers as I catch my breath.
“I need you in my bed. Now.”