Chapter 19
Rexus
"How's domestic life?" Kan-RI asks me as we patrol the perimeter of the village together.
He and I have worked together many years, and he is the closest thing I have to a friend.
The male is much shorter than me, but the black tipped yellow plumes on the top of his head give him the impression of height.
His beak and eyes are stark black against bright yellow feathers.
His hands tucked into his pockets, giving the impression of casual.
Though he is one of the most dangerous males I've ever met.
"Complicated," I tell him. I'm not certain I want to discuss my relationship with Rosie. It feels private, and I do not want to shame her. But I would also love to get another male's perspective.
"Inter-species relationships are always a little bit complicated." Kan-RI says sagely. He is in a long-term pleasure partnership with one of the gardeners in the village so he has an idea of it, I suppose. But I do not think it's quite the same.
At least his partner is stuck here. There isn't a clock ticking down the time until he's given a chance to leave. He doesn't have to be concerned he will be left behind again.
"She is only fulfilling the terms of our agreement." I say, trying not to taste the bitter words on my tongue. I'd wanted someone who did not wish to have a romantic relationship, someone who would be fine on their own. I'm the one unable to uphold our agreement.
"How do you mean?" Kan-RI asks, tilting his head as he looks up at me. "Oh, Rexus, what did you do?"
I'm silent as we continue our patrol, uncertain I want to tell him how stupid I'd been. How had I thought I would be able to feel absolutely nothing for someone who could take my rut so well? Then again, I hadn't known she would be so soft. So lovely. So perfect in my grip.
"This is about Seela, isn't it?" Kan-RI asks as we near the gatehouse. I want to deny it, but it would be a lie. "It's okay to miss her, friend."
Of course I missed Seela. We had been fuck friends for many years.
Her heat had perfectly matched my rut and we'd been able to give each other what we needed.
She'd been a fierce female and my partner for many years.
We'd come to Planet WLN269 together, worked together, fucked together.
But we were not in love. For us, it was never anything but friendship and physical release.
But I'd lost a part of myself when the worlds went silent and she did not return from a trip back home.
It was a relationship I did not know how to replace.
One I wasn't sure would be possible to have again.
I did not know if I was able to open myself up again, knowing that people can so easily be torn away.
I think about lying. I think about telling him she has nothing to do with it. But we'd all lost people when the worlds went silent. We'd all known that pain.
"She could leave me." I tell him. We stop outside of the gatehouse, just out of earshot of the guards inside. "It's only a matter of weeks until she is given the choice to go home. I do not know why she would stay."
I don't tell him how I hurt her. I do not tell him about my rut or my fear of touching her for causing her pain. My shame is too large and I do not want to discuss Rosie that way.
"What if she doesn't leave? What if you give her a reason to stay?" He pats me on my arm and takes off for the gatehouse, leaving me standing in the yard with my mind buzzing and my heart racing.
A thought I haven't allowed myself to consider since the moment I came out of my rut turns over and over.
What if she stays?