Chapter 11
Petey
Filming for the Welcome Ball was a triumph—which was a huge relief after the fiasco that bumbling aristocrat caused earlier in the afternoon.
The Great Hall looked spectacular, as did the contestants in their empire-line dresses, dapper waistcoats, and smart uniforms. But The Love Manor was a dating show, and the Regency conceit only went so far.
No one danced a quadrille. What we wanted was gossip and intrigue.
So Indira was thrilled when we got footage of the contestants sizing each other up, chatting shit about one another, and deciding who they wanted to shag and in what order.
Two hours later, they were all safely tucked up in their beds—and all I wanted was to have a shower and do the same. I was studying the map to work out where my allocated bathroom was when there was a knock at my door.
“You decent, Petey Boy?” They were the unmistakable tones of Jonty Boche.
I opened the door, annoyed by the interruption. “Yes, I’m decent.”
“First time for everything, I suppose.”
“Jonty, I’m asleep on my feet. You’re not meant to be here. What do you want? And where’s your microphone pack? You’re supposed to wear it at all times.”
“It’s old Dub-Dub.”
I yawned. “It’s what?”
“Dub-Dub,” he said, swinging into my room and plonking himself on the bed. “Winters Minor.”
“I’m too tired for this shit, Jonty.”
“I was hoping to see William.”
Dub-Dub? What a ridiculous nickname. But then, he was a ridiculous man. Hot. Stunning, in fact. But ridiculous.
“Is he about? I haven’t seen him in an absolute age. He never comes to London anymore. I’ve been up on secret dormouse-related business, of course, but… feeling a bit guilty about not making more of an effort.”
“Jonty, you’re not allowed contact with the outside world. It’s in your contract. Go back to bed.”
“Outside world? Petey, Dub-Dub is Lord Buckford. This is Buckford Hall. Dub-Dub’s not the outside world. This is quite literally his world. If anything, we’re the outsiders. If you think about it. We’re inside his world, if you see my meaning? How can he possibly constitute the outside world?”
Exhausted, I held the door open and pointed out into the hall. “Jonty, it’s been a really long day.”
“Right! Of course!” he said, jumping up. “But… is he here?” His eyebrow cocked, eyes squinted, as he studied my reaction. “Or is he… staying at the Dower House? Or… in town, perhaps?”
“I notice you’re not moving to the door.”
“Yes, I noticed that too.”
“Jonty.”
“If he’s still on the estate, nod, and I’ll promise I’ll leave you be.”
I gave him nothing. Jonty frowned.
“Is that you not nodding, meaning he’s not on the estate, or is that you not wanting to answer me because you’re a cuck who believes in obeying the kinds of silly rules that keep old chums from catching up?”
I groaned. Indira had been very clear about not letting the cast know the actual lord was living in the house. But Jonty obviously didn’t intend to leave until he got the information he wanted, and my body ached for my bed.
“Come on,” he said, wiggling his thick black eyebrows. “Be a sport!”
I sensed that he sensed my resolve was waning. But if I was going to risk the wrath of Indira Murray, I was going to get something for my trouble.
“I’ll make you a deal.”
“Anything. What do you need? Daniel Craig’s telephone number? Henry Cavill’s discarded underpants?”
“It’s William, actually,” I said.
“Oh, hello.” Jonty’s eyes sparkled. “You’re such a horndog, Petey Boy. Honestly, you’re insatiable.”
I sighed. “What’s his deal?”
“You mean, is he as bisexual as the papers say? No idea. Never even known him to go on a date, if I’m honest. I thought he was in a committed throuple with his rugby team and his library books. You could’ve blown me away with a pheasant when I saw the infamous photo in The Bulletin.”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Do you need a character reference?”
“Well, yes, actually. He seems really—”
“Hot?”
I shook my head.
“Sweet?”
“Out of his depth.”
Jonty cackled like a hen laying a Rubik’s Cube, which wasn’t an encouraging sign.
“I’ve got a lot riding on this show going well,” I hissed. “I need to know if he’s a liability. Because so far, all signs point to yes.”
Jonty took a deep breath, his face turning serious: something I don’t think I’d ever seen it do before. That wasn’t encouraging either.
“Look, he used to be a lot of fun. Dub-Dub never asked for any of this,” Jonty said, swirling a finger through the air.
“He’s doing his best with the cards he’s been dealt.
But I’ll tell you this for free. While I’ve known plenty of chaps with bigger brains than William, I’ve never known anyone with a bigger heart.
With Dub-Dub, everything comes from a good place. Always.”
Jonty’s blue eyes were bursting with sincerity. I was still taking in what he’d said when he transformed back into Ludo’s obnoxious brother.
“That was some top-shelf wingmanning on my part, I thought,” he said. “No round of applause, I notice. Shame. Still, did you get what you need?”
“I asked if he was a liability.”
“Oh, total liability. I’d keep a close eye on him. Don’t let him out of your sight. Best to stick to him like shit on your shoe.”
I rubbed my temples. This was pointless. I wanted my bed.
“So, is he about?” Jonty asked, eyebrows raised in hope. “Deal’s a deal, and all that.”
I nodded. “He’s lodging in the folly. No one is supposed to know. So if you get caught, you’re on your own. I am not losing my job over this.”
“You’re a prince!” Jonty grabbed me by both shoulders and planted a kiss on each of my cheeks. “I’ll put in a good word for you with His Lordship.”
“I don’t need your help, thank you very much,” I called after him. “And put your microphone pack back on when you’re done!”
I cracked the window to let some air into the stuffy little room.
As I scooped up my toiletries bag and my towel, I glanced again at the complicated map to check my route to my allocated bathroom.
I stepped out into the hall, turned the corner at the end of the corridor, and counted my way along to the third door, grabbing the handle and flinging it wide open, ready to greet whatever Victorian horrors a Buckford Hall bathroom had in store for me this time.
“Oh, hello there.”
“Lord Buckford!”
He was side on to me, one foot up on the edge of the bath, towelling himself down. I couldn’t breathe. My lungs scrambled for air.
“I mean, my lord. I mean… William. I mean… oh my God. I’m so sorry.”
I looked away, but he didn’t try to move or cover himself.
I looked back. The room was full of steam, and his skin was pink from the heat of the water.
His body was athletic, thick from years of rugby, but softened, I guessed, after several years away from the pitch.
My subconscious immediately imagined exactly how it would feel to have that weight bearing down on me.
Stop it, I told myself. No boys. I was here to work. Keep it professional.
“How’d it go out there today, Petey Boy?”
“You’re… completely naked.” I shielded my crotch with my toiletries bag, as if I wasn’t still wearing my boiler suit.
William put his foot on the ground, stood upright, and turned to face me—his soft, plump cock swinging there—like this was the most normal encounter in the world. I tried to focus on his face.
“Well, I’m in my bathroom,” he said, rubbing his towel through his hair. “And so are you, as it happens.”
I shook my head. “I counted the doors. This is my bathroom.”
William pointed past me to a door on the other side of the corridor.
“I think you’ll find that’s your bathroom. This one’s mine.” A cheeky grin lit up his face.
I looked over my shoulder, face burning with shame. Words failed me. I sucked my lips in between my teeth and made a popping sound. Then made it a few more times, as I slowly stepped backwards across the corridor. I pointed my thumb over my shoulder.
“I guess I’ll…”
William held up his hand and wiggled his fingers in a patronising little wave. I turned on my heel and opened the door to my bathroom, spun back around again to say thank you, then turned, disappeared into the correct bathroom, and slammed the door behind me.
“You’re welcome!” I heard William call out from across the hall.
I turned to face the bathroom door and let my forehead slump against it with a thud.
I stood there like an idiot, knowing I’d made a massive tit of myself in front of the most perfectly formed man I’d never been under.
Worse, I was allowing myself to get distracted not only by a boy but by the biggest liability I’d ever met.
From the other side of the door came the unmistakable sound of the liability chuckling.