Chapter 42
William
It was a Friday afternoon and Petey and I were in the folly, waiting for Sunny and Ludo to arrive.
Guests would be an essential distraction from shagging, which I had taken to with the zeal of a convert.
We’d had so much sex since Saturday night, we’d had to drive into the village twice to buy bedroom supplies, and Petey had been unable to bend over with confidence since about Tuesday.
I was hovering at the porthole window, waiting to see a taxi coming down the drive.
Petey was busy at his laptop, working on new show ideas to pitch to Indira.
What he didn’t know was, I had a surprise for him—and keeping it had almost sent me stark raving bonkers.
Not a little bit bonkers. I mean the-fifth-baron-plucking-his-own-fingernail-out-to-use-as-a-quill level of bonkers.
There were more guests in that taxi than Petey was anticipating.
“What about a show based on making cosplay costumes?” he said, apparently struck by inspiration. “I’ve just watched a video of a guy who made a fully transformable Transformers outfit. It’s incredible.”
Inspiration struck me then too. “What would it take to get you to dress up in a slutty little vest and a pair of Daisy Dukes, like Megan Fox in that movie?”
Petey’s eyes narrowed. “I feel like we’ve accidentally unlocked a core memory for teenage William there.”
I let my eyebrows bounce. “I’m not hearing a no.”
The taxi appeared on the horizon. I nearly burst out of my own skin.
“They’re here!”
Petey dashed out to greet them so fast his shadow was still on the stairs while his body was bounding across the carriage court. I raced to catch up to him and was bolting out the front door when I heard Petey shouting, “Gran! Gran!”
His arms were wrapped so tight around the old girl’s frail-looking frame, he might have snapped her.
“What are you doing here?”
Petey’s gran, Peggy, clasped her hands to her grandson’s face.
“Orright, my boy? Thought I’d better check in on you, didn’t I? Make sure you’re eating right. Maybe pocket a bit of posh silver to flog down the Portobello Road.”
Petey laughed. I did, too—rather more nervously.
But it brought untold joy to the old ticker to know how happy seeing his gran made Petey.
I introduced myself to Sunny—who didn’t even attempt to bow—and made myself useful by helping him get the cases out of the boot.
Jonty’s older brother, Ludo, paid the cabby, and we said our hellos and well-mets as the taxi drove off.
Then the three of us turned as one to look at the family reunion still underway in the carriage court.
Petey had tears streaming down his cheeks.
“Bugger me,” Sunny said. “That’s one of the signs of the apocalypse, isn’t it?”
“I can definitely hear frogs,” Ludo added. “We could be in real trouble here.”
I shook my head. “Where does he get this reputation from? He’s been blubbing every five minutes since he got here.”
Sunny and Ludo stared at me in apparent disbelief.
“Someone’s finally cracked him,” Sunny said.
“I doubt he’s still under warranty,” Ludo added.
Petey, realising he had an audience, finally released Peggy. Mentally, I was patting down all her bones, looking for fractures. At last, he introduced us. Peggy made to curtsy.
“No, don’t do that,” Petey and I said in unison. That made me grin.
Petey pointed to his gran’s knitting bag, sitting on top of the cases.
“Are you… staying?” he asked.
I put my hand on Petey’s shoulder. “Peggy has graciously agreed to be our guest for the next week. She’s going back with your folks in the Jag next Sunday.”
“You’re kidding?”
“Surprise!”
“Oh, William!” He threw his arms and legs around me, kissing me. Now I was the one risking snapped bones.
“For a fake engagement, things seem to be going remarkably well,” Ludo observed.
“Is he trying to suck out a filling?” Sunny added.
“Ain’t it bloomin’ marvellous?” Peggy said.
I liked her immediately.
Sunny and Ludo were here to check out the house, specifically the chapel, to see if it might work for their wedding.
So, after cups of tea all around, I launched into the tour I’d been mentally rehearsing all morning.
If this went well, it might herald Buckford’s future as a wedding venue for hire.
I was dressed in what Petey now called my uniform—a crisp white Oxford shirt, tan chinos, and the russet tie that I refused to get rid of, even though it bore heavy scars from two nights earlier, when Petey had tied me to a banister with it before whipping my nipples with a riding crop.
“This is the Great Hall,” I announced, gesturing upward as we entered.
“The chandeliers were originally designed for Napoleon’s palace at Malmaison.
Supposedly, he had them based on Josephine’s breasts—which, I take it, must have been absolutely gigantic and reeked of tallow.
They were electrified in my grandfather’s day.
The chandeliers, that is, not Josephine’s breasts.
Although with Grandad’s reputation, that would have been advisable too. ”
I caught Petey trying not to laugh and felt my confidence grow.
“Is that a Gainsborough?” Ludo asked, pointing at the huge landscape above the fireplace.
I said it was, feeling rather pleased he’d noticed. I pointed to the lake. “It’s a hay cart crossing the River Buck. A couple of years before Capability Brown diverted it to create the Long Water.”
“Is it one of the works you’re selling?” Ludo was studying it with real appreciation.
A lead weight formed in my gut. “No. Yes. No. Well, only if things get desperate. Most of the artwork is dreadful, but that one feels like it belongs with the house.”
Petey’s hand slid into mine. It was enough to steady me.
As we moved through to the West Drawing Room, Peggy’s arm was hooked into Petey’s, and the way he kept glancing down at her, checking she was all right, made me want to kiss him all over again.
“This is the perfect breakout area for your guests when they’ve had enough of dancing,” I explained to Sunny and Ludo.
“There’s a door right out onto the sunken garden, which was originally designed for courting couples.
Or if you really want to put your back into it and properly ruin somebody, it’s only a short walk to the hedge maze. ”
“Very posh,” Peggy said. “We used to make do with an alleyway round the back of the boozer if we wanted a tumble.”
Everyone’s jaw hit the floor—and Peggy screeched with laughter.
The chapel was where I truly hoped the house would sell herself. It was on the ground floor, tucked near the stables, and the light through the stained glass always made it feel somehow both ancient and alive. Generations of Buckfords had been married here, but never anyone from outside the family.
“The chapel can seat eighty guests comfortably,” I said, walking Sunny and Ludo up to the business end while Peggy and Petey settled into a pew at the back.
“The altar is fourteenth century—salvaged from a monastery after the dissolution. The stained glass is all original.” I was pointing up to my ancestor, Richard de Valois, kneeling before the king—light shining gold through his crown—feeling like I was making excellent headway, when I felt something damp under my arm.
I was sweating like a hog in December who’d realised his calendar was remarkably clear in January. I clamped my arms to my sides.
“It’s gorgeous,” Ludo said, pointing to the window.
Sunny was squinting. “Why’s he giving the king a head job?”
Ludo whacked him.
“And the acoustics in here are incredible,” I said. “When my sister got married here a few years ago, she had a string quartet. Couldn’t have sounded more magnificent if your head was stuffed inside the cello.”
Sunny looked around the chapel, taking it all in—the carved pews, the stone columns, the pools of candy-coloured light drenching the floor. Then he glanced at Ludo, and something passed between them. One of those couple moments where an entire conversation happens in a flash of eyes.
Sunny turned back to me. “We’re sold.”
My heart almost stopped. “Really?”
“Really.” Sunny blushed, his face going almost as red as his hair. “Actually, we sort of assumed it would be perfect, and—”
Ludo chimed in. “We’ve already applied for the marriage licence, listing Buckford as the venue. All we needed was to confirm the date with your availability.”
“When are you thinking?” I asked, nervously. “Not to put too fine a point on it, it has to be this side of Halloween.”
“Six weeks from now,” Ludo said.
Relief flooded through me.
“Will you have us?” Sunny asked.
“Of course!” I threw my arms out to pull them into a hug, got a whiff of my “eau de Dub-Dub,” and clamped them back to my sides before I knocked anyone out. “We’d be honoured.”
We shook hands on it. Petey jumped up from his pew and hugged me.
Sunny and Ludo were wrapped in an embrace.
Even Peggy was clapping and cheering. I hoped, desperately, these boys would be the first of many public weddings at Buckford.
I’d been through the numbers with the estate’s new accountant.
With the venue hire, accommodation, and food packages we’d designed, the baseline profit after expenses and tax on each wedding would add ￡32,000 to the coffers.
Ten or twelve of those a year would be a huge boost to the Buckford economy.
If I got the chance. I had to save the estate first.