Chapter 15
fifteen
. . .
Jordana
Seething, I fumed all the way to Gavin’s apartment. I barely noticed the brilliant moonlight, the smoke-scented chilly air, and the people jostling by on the sidewalk, gossiping about classes and parties. Jack-o’-lanterns glowed on porches, signaling that Halloween was coming.
Half-jogging, I punched out a text to Gavin. Should I wear anything special? Bring anything?
Just yourself, he wrote back.
As I got closer to Gavin’s place, the tension that wired my body heated and twisted, like metal melting in a furnace. By the time I knocked on his door, I didn’t know what shape my emotions held. I felt malleable, like the slightest push from Gavin could cast me in a mold.
He opened the door in a black T-shirt and jeans, his feet bare, his ink-dark hair falling over his forehead. His amber eyes glowed with anticipation.
I didn’t wait to find out how he’d mold me. I stretched up and kissed him. Wrapping an arm around my waist, he closed the door and pushed me against the hard wood.
But when I deepened the kiss, he pulled back. “Are you okay?”
I flushed, self-conscious. “I’m fine.”
I leaned in for another kiss, but he cupped my chin.
“You’re shaking.”
“Well, you do that to me.”
“Nice of you to say so, but I don’t think this is all about me.” His eyes softened to liquid amber. “What happened, Jordana?”
How could those three little words peel me apart?
Lifting my head, I took a deep breath. “You’ve heard enough about my life.”
His lips twitched. “I met you two nights ago. I definitely have not heard enough about your life — in my opinion. But if you don’t want to talk, that’s fine.”
“I ended things with Corey. For good.”
As I spoke, the shaking eased. I’d done it. I’d said no. Even if Corey didn’t take the breakup the way I’d wanted, I’d spoken the truth of my own convictions. I’d made myself as clear as I possibly could.
Relief lit up Gavin’s face. His eyes didn’t leave me. “How do you feel?”
The question made me sweat. I spent so much time running away from my feelings, diving into characters to avoid myself. I studied the faded writing on Gavin’s T-shirt that announced a music festival nine years ago.
“Proud. Among other things. We don’t need to go into details.”
“I understand.” Gavin’s mouth lifted in a crooked smile. “Let’s get you settled. I’ve got a very jumpy girl in my arms.”
The way he said it made me feel suddenly, deliciously small. He kissed my forehead and released me.
Trying to collect myself, I glanced around the living room. Since this morning, art had appeared on the walls. There were far fewer cardboard boxes, just two small ones in a corner.
“Wow,” I said. “You’re unpacking!”
“Take a look around.”
I examined each framed picture. A large black-and-white photograph hung by the bookshelf — a woman’s waist and hips striped with shadows. Another photo in the dining room featured a glistening tongue licking a lollipop.
I fanned myself. “Hot. These are your work?”
Gavin nodded. I paused by an abstract oil painting between the two tall windows that exploded with color.
“It’s by a friend of mine,” he explained. “I stayed with him in New York when I needed a place to live.”
After the divorce? I wanted to ask, but didn’t.
The final piece, by the front door, was a majestic photo of a hawk soaring over a mountain forest. A pencil scrawl at the bottom read George Lockwood.
“This is stunning.” I pointed to the signature. “Is that your grandfather, the wildlife photographer?”
“None other. Gavin means ‘white hawk,’ so he sent this photo when I was born.”
“Did you know him?”
Gavin crossed the room to join me. “I saw him a few times growing up. He seemed like a myth, jetting around the world, exploring the wild. When I was nine, he took me camping, and I watched while he took pictures. He didn’t let me touch anything, but he explained how the equipment worked.”
“So you were close?”
Gavin rapped his knuckle against the photo’s wood frame. “Hell, I was scared of him. I was a shy kid, and he was this gruff, leathery old man. But I drove him crazy with questions.”
“Like what?” We were standing so close, and I wanted Gavin to keep talking. I wanted to learn who he was.
He tapped my nose. “That’s for another time. We’ve got work to do.”
That telltale gleam deepened his amber eyes, hinting at mischief and lust. His voice dropped. “I’m going to push you hard tonight, kitten.”
Suddenly, I was burning up inside my coat, flustered and sweating.
“Okay,” I said, tugging it off my shoulders. I had to shed it before I combusted in front of Gavin.
In my haste, I dropped the tote bag hanging from my arm, and the contents spilled all over the floor.
“Shit, sorry!” I gasped.
“Don’t apologize.”
We both knelt, grabbing things a little too fast and shoving them into the bag. Lipstick, wallet, phone, tampons. Gavin’s fingers brushed my secret notebook.
“What’s this?” He studied the collaged cover. “It’s beautiful. Did you make it?”
“It’s private,” I croaked, snatching it from him and plunging it into the bag.
He was peering at me like he wanted to crack me open, but he nodded and gave me a hand up. I put my tote bag safely against the wall.
“Something to drink?” he offered.
“Water, yes, that would be great,” I babbled.
Gavin hung up my coat and disappeared into the kitchen. I pressed my hands to my cheeks, relieved he hadn’t asked for details.
When he returned and handed me a glass of water, I gulped it in big swallows.
“So,” I said quickly, once I finished. “Our shoot. Your plan. Whatever you have in mind, I’m game.”
Gavin looked me up and down. “Are you? Because if you need more time to settle in—”
“I’m ready.”
He nodded, thinking. “I have an idea. Something I want us to play with. But this won’t be easy for you.”
I shook my hair back. “I love a challenge. Bring it on.”
Gavin paused maddeningly, his lips pressed together.
“Will it be like last night?” I prompted. “But more so? You’ll tie me up more, uh, intensively?”
“No, kitten.” The pet name made me squirm, as did his amused smile. “I’ll tie you up again, but last night was about exploration. Tonight’s shoot: jealousy.”
“Excuse me?” I stared at him.
“Jealousy,” Gavin repeated patiently. He leaned against the wall by the bookshelf, his golden eyes unconcerned, but his body was strung tight as a bow. “It belongs in the book.”
I folded my arms, feeling much too hot. “You say that like jealousy’s a good thing.”
“It burns, but it gives an edge that we need. If we didn't care about our lover being tempted, what power would they have?”
My stomach fluttered. “Is that a turn-on for you?”
“It's tonight’s theme. It’s how we met.”
Corey. He was jealous of Corey. My heart ached, embarrassed.
How was that even possible? Gavin was older, talented, considerate, incredible in bed. Corey could act, but as a man? He was Gavin’s inferior in every way.
Yet some instinct told me not to argue.
“Gavin, how are we going to take pictures of jealousy? Do you want me to, like…act out a scene? You come in and find me cheating?”
“No acting. This will be real.”
“I don’t understand.”
Gavin regarded me calmly. “I told you I’d push your buttons. This won’t be comfortable, and it’s not meant to be. If you don’t want to do this concept, let’s discuss.”
I fanned my shirt away from my body, drawing Gavin’s gaze to the white cloth. Before tonight’s dress rehearsal, I’d changed my clothes, swapping out my tight, cropped sweater for a loose white button-down shirt. Knowing I’d be near Corey, I’d had the urge to cover up.
“What do you have in mind?”
“You’re an innocent kitten who’s learning about her power. Yesterday, you explored your body and seduced me.” Gavin grinned. “But you’ve strayed. It excites you to make your lover jealous. Deep down, you want to be brought into line.”
My face burned. “You said no acting. But I don’t actually want to make you jealous. I’d have to pretend.”
“Are you sure?” His smile was so knowing. Closing the distance between us, he toyed with the collar of my shirt. “You knew exactly what to say to get me to touch you, after I swore not to. All you had to do was mention another man.”
“I said you’d be better than him.”
“Don’t play coy. You knew, Jordana.” His voice roughened with a hunger that made me shiver. “You knew.”
“I would never run around on you.” It was crazy to talk this way, forty-eight hours after we’d met, when I didn’t even know what we meant to each other.
“Of course not. But this shoot? I think you’ll like it.” He tugged my collar. “I think it’ll give you what you need.”
I lifted my chin. “Will you like it?”
Gavin grabbed my hand and molded it over the bulge in his black jeans. His face darkened. “You have no idea.”
“I think I do.” I caressed his erection, eager to tease now. “I’m up for everything you want.”
His cock jerked in my palm. But he stepped away and tipped his head toward the bedroom. As if pulled by a string, I followed him.
In the doorway, he bent suddenly to inhale my neck.
“You smell different.” His voice was affectionate, yet menacing. “You smell like sex.”
My heart beat faster. “Well, yeah…” I tried to laugh it off, but I felt genuinely nervous. “You turn me on.”
“It’s not that. Where have you been, little stray kitten? Who have you been with?”
“You. I’ve only been with you since we met. Which was a grand total of two days ago,” I sassed.
Strong arms wrapped around me from behind, pulling me close.
“No, sweetheart.” Lips ran down my neck to my collarbone. My knees went weak. “That’s where you should have been. But the night we met, I found you in another man’s arms when you should have been in mine.”
“He didn’t finish,” I whispered, like that would help. “We didn’t have sex.”
“Good.” He pulled me even closer, hunching his body over mine, until I felt soft and pliable in his arms. “Tell me what you did do.”
“What?”
“Don’t make me say it twice.”