Chapter 21 #2
My throat squeezed painfully closed. He knew exactly how to shame me.
“And you keep playing this stupid game where you think it’s fun to say no to me.” He blocked my path, shoulders sagging. “Do I look like I’m having fun?”
“Corey—”
“How can you do this right before opening night? I’ve never met anyone as selfish as you.”
I took a breath, thought of Gavin, and looked straight into Corey’s eyes. “You don’t own me anymore. You can’t control me. You never really did.” My throat was opening, a smile flickering. “I have been on call for you for two years, Corey. I’m done.”
“Not yet.” He closed the space between us. “Don’t do this to us.”
“Us? There is no us.”
Corey’s blue eyes opened wide. He pointed to the notebook I still clutched. “What’re you holding?”
“My— My ideas, my thoughts—”
He snatched it, crumpling the top page in his fist.
“What are you doing? Corey, stop!”
Ripping out the page, he tore it to pieces. The scraps fell like snow.
I pulled the notebook away and held it to my chest. “What is wrong with you?”
“You and your ideas, your fucking ideas. Who do you think you are? I worked my ass off to get where I am. I earned this ticket. You got yours because of money! Not talent.” He gripped my shoulders.
“Get your hands off me,” I hissed.
Corey released me and staggered back, staring at the bits of torn paper on the grass.
“This is how I feel, Jorie.” He sounded broken all of a sudden. “This is what you’ve done to us.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’ve ripped us apart. Are you happy?”
“You can’t be serious.” I was so shocked, I started laughing. “I mean nothing to you.”
“Look at me. I’m not right without you.” His hands shook at his sides. “There’s a darkness in me. You’re the only one who understands. I need to be inside you to let it out.”
Corey was more naked than I’d ever seen him.
I swallowed hard, enunciating each word. “I don’t want the darkness anymore.”
His nostrils flared. “You don’t want it, or you don’t want mine?”
I shook my head, unsure how to answer.
“There’s someone else.” He said it like it was a missing piece.
I stared at him. The only sounds were the whisper of leaves and the snapping of twigs.
“It’s him, isn’t it.”
“What do you mean, him?”
“You know.” He stepped closer, too close. “Your new friend. The lighting designer. He’s using you, Jorie. I’ve seen the evidence.”
What did that mean? Was Corey talking about the picture on Gavin’s computer?
“You’re not making sense.”
Corey smiled at me, like we shared a secret. “There’s something just a little bit off about him. I’ve noticed the way he looks at you. He likes that you’re young. Needy. He can mold you however he wants.”
“You’re wrong.” But a tiny flame of doubt flickered inside me.
“I didn’t get to Hawthorne by being wrong about people, Jorie.”
“You got to Hawthorne because you’re a good actor. A faker,” I dared to spit out.
His head tipped to the side, summer-blue eyes moving over me.
“How do you think I got so good at acting? I observe people. I learn about them. All their little weaknesses, their fears, the pathetic things they scrabble for. I put my time in. You know how many films I studied, waiting to get my ass out of that prison of a town? How many real-life people I watched who were going fucking nowhere but gave me a masterclass in what people want and how they try to get it? Do you know that when I got here, I didn’t know what a masterclass was? ”
“Corey —”
His voice rose. “I didn’t have the training, the education, the goddamn privileges you’ve had. So you think I’m unworthy of you. But I understand a lot more than you think.”
I gaped at him. “You want to talk about being unworthy? I’ve always felt that way with you. Not once did I feel worth anything in your presence. Not once did you try to give me pleasure.”
“Because you never wanted it! You think I don’t understand you? You want to be treated like shit! I felt it, saw it, your body screamed it. And now you’re punishing me for giving you exactly what you wanted.”
I clutched my notebook, like it could protect me from the truth of my past. “I told you. I don’t want that anymore.”
“One more time, Jorie. For the show.”
I shook my head, my eyes stinging.
“Look at me. Look, here.” He knelt on the ground, grabbing the snowfall of paper and offering it up. “I’m sorry. Okay? I’m really sorry.”
My brain scrambled to process Corey on his knees in front of me, pleading and apologizing. My fingers closed around the torn paper, giving me purpose.
“I will never have sex with you again.”
“Please.” Corey’s voice was anguished. “I’ll do anything you want. Just let me be inside you, one more time.”
“Corey, no!”
My words bounced off his, like we were playing a twisted version of the No Game.
He got to his feet. “What do you want?” he gritted out. “You want me to tell you you’re beautiful? You’re beautiful. You want me to tell you I love you? I love you.”
“Stop! You don’t love me.”
Desperation creased his face. “Help me, Jorie. If these past two years have meant anything to you at all, help me.”
I stared into his too-bright blue eyes. “I can’t help you that way. Not with sex. We can talk, or—”
“Talk.” Corey let out a bitter laugh. “Who are you?”
“I need to go. You need to let me go.”
“Do you think you belong to him now? You owe me the truth.”
Heat pricked my eyelids. “I’ll work with you.
That’s all I owe you. We can be professional.
It doesn’t have to be this toxic thing between us.
There are plenty of actors who have fantastic chemistry without screwing each other.
Okay? The show will be fine. It’ll be great.
You should find someone to talk to. Max, or Rachel, or — or a counselor. We can do this.”
Corey gazed into my eyes, as I’d hoped he would for so long, but he didn’t seem to see me.
“He doesn’t have to know,” he said, low and rapid. “He’s going to use you and leave you. But I…I will never leave you. I can give you everything you want. I can fuck you while you lie there, not moving a muscle. You’ll be blameless. He’ll never know, Jorie.”
“I need to go,” I snapped.
An eerie smile played across his face, distorted by moonlight and shadows. “You’re nothing to him. He won’t stay in Hawthorne. He’ll leave, and then where will you be?”