Chapter 13 Sai
Sai
I wake up to find the other side of the bed cold, the absence of Mavi on my sheets inciting a brief panic. But then I roll over, catching the weight of his scent drenched into every part of my bed, the sheets, the pillows, even along my skin.
Slowly, I drag my nose through the scent until it’s buried in the pillow Mavi used last night, his scent so strong I nearly fall apart right there.
My lids open to find the apartment exactly as still as it always is, the only evidence that last night happened at all is the disorder of the sheets twisted around my waist and the ache in muscles I have never used before.
Some part of me wonders if this was just a one time thing, a checklist for Mavi that he completed.
The shame floods through me at how easily I let go, at how easily I let someone see who I truly am.
A Hollis Alpha on his knees. On his back.
Told when to move and when to stay and when to come, and obeying every single time with desperate gratitude.
My gaze twists as I sit up, falling on a small piece of scrap paper on the nightstand. It’s sorely out of place, rough handwriting scribbled across it. My first instinct is to start worrying about the mess until I realize what it is.
Mavi’s phone number.
I’m next door. Come over when you’re ready. No rush.
I read it once, twice, and then a third time. Mavi didn’t leave me. He’s handed me an open invitation. I frantically search for my phone, my scent hardening with frustration when it doesn’t appear immediately. I slip out of bed and start rustling through my clothes to find it in my discarded pants.
It only takes a second to save his number and send a message, my fingers moving faster than my brain.
Good morning.
Thirty seconds later my phone vibrates.
There he is.
A stupid involuntary smile spreads across my face. I catch it in the mirror that sits across from the couch, the man looking back at me is someone I barely recognize. Same face. Same jaw, same eyes. But something has shifted. He looks less rigid, less like a photograph of a man and more like a man.
I find that I really, really like this version of myself.
By the afternoon, deep into editorial shoots for a fashion magazine, I find myself in a healthy rhythm. The concentration I’ve always found comforting has returned, my ability to focus only on the lens and my models perfect in absolution.
I’m focused in a way I haven’t been in weeks, present behind the lens with an attention that feels clean instead of compulsive.
Priya moves through the set beside me and doesn’t have to make a single decision on my behalf.
The lenses are in the right order. I packed the bag correctly this morning without checking twice.
By the time we wrap, the creative director is looking at the back of my camera with surprise, like she’s seeing something in the images that wasn’t there before.
“Wow, Sai, I’m impressed. I’m always impressed but this.
.. this is probably the best work you’ve ever done.
” She hums as she flips through several of the pictures before nodding.
“I have no notes. Nothing we can’t touch up after the affect.
I’ll be reaching out to see your availability because this. .. it’s perfect.”
I manage a nod before packing up, Priya appearing on my side. “She’s right, you know. This is the best work you’ve ever done. What changed?” Her nostrils flare a little. “Wait, did you meet up with Elias? Is that why you’ve got a little pep in your step?”
A frown takes over my face as I sniff at myself, grimacing at the honey still clinging to my skin. I’ll need to invest in descenter soap even if I don’t want to wash Mavi off of me. “No, it’s a new soap I’ve been trying. Excuse me.”
Not giving her a moment to dwell on the issue, I head to my car intent on going home to stuff my face back into my ruined sheets. Maybe Mavi will be next door and I can...
Ring. Ring. Ring.
“What happened to you?” Koda’s voice comes through the speaker when I answer the call.
Any of my other cousins would have asked questions about everything else before getting to the point.
Koda just skips through all of that. “And before you say nothing, you know how toxic everything is. Priya sent a message to your mother who in turn told, I think, I don’t fucking know. But yeah, it spread.”
My brows furrow as I pick up speed, eager to get to my safe space. “What do you mean? We just finished the shoot.”
“She’s been texting all day. The overall message was to your mom but... basically, you’re on fire, she’s not sure what’s changed, but that whatever it is, Sai has his spark back. Did you not check the chat?”
I grimace, mentally trying to keep my cool.
“No, I didn’t. I don’t care.” I totally care.
Has everything else I’ve done paled in comparison to today.
In some part, I thought Mavi was a distraction.
Even with how badly I crave him, he was messing with my control and focus.
But now... I’m wondering if it’s the opposite. “It’s nothing,” I add.
“Bullshit.” There’s no heat in it. “You sound like you slept for the first time in a month. You sound like an actual human being instead of a robot someone programmed to be sad.” A beat. “Who is she?”
I don’t correct it to ‘he’ because that would include revealing that there is a someone. “Nobody.”
“Right. Well, tell Nobody I said thank you because you’ve been an absolute nightmare to be around and whatever she did, it’s working.”
I almost laugh. The sound gets halfway up my throat before I catch it. We talk for another ten minutes, a bounce in my voice I can hear but can’t seem to regulate. An energy Koda has never heard before because it has never existed before.
Pulling into the parking lot, I hang up just as I receive another message.
Mavi:
He’s in his apartment, in an oversized paint-stained shirt, the fabric slipping off one shoulder.
A paintbrush is clutched in his right hand, a smear of yellow across on his cheekbone like a misplaced sunrise.
He’s looking directly at the camera with a half-smile that is not for the camera at all. It’s for me.
Mavi: Painting you. Sort of. Come see?
I stare at the photo for a few beats, one clear, warm point of focus drawing me forward. “You’re so gorgeous, Doll,” I mutter. “And you want me?”
Me: On my way.
The peace he gave me last night was a drug. Submission in its totality is the only thing I never realized how much I wanted. And for the first time in a while, I don’t feel like the choices in my life are constantly beating down on me.
The only choice is... Mavi.