Chapter 22 Roxie
Roxie
I stared at Violet like she was speaking a foreign language. I understood every word she had said individually, but when put together they didn’t make any sense.
“You…”
“It’s not your traditional relationship, but then again, nothing about our lifestyle is traditional.” She paused to take another drag of her cigarette. “It’s not like we’re the first group to ever do that. Everyone in Fleetwood Mac were fucking.”
“No judgment here,” I quickly said. “I just wasn’t sure what you were implying. So you were…”
“I was straighter than a razor blade back then,” Violet chuckled. “Couldn’t get enough. Dana jokes that I front-loaded all the hetero sex in my life during that one tour with the three of them. I hope it’s not weird now that you know.”
“Why would it be weird?” I asked.
“Because you and Riot are…” She trailed off. “Sorry. I forgot you two were still trying to keep it a secret.”
A new fear cut through my body like a bolt of electricity. “Wait, what? I don’t know what you’re…”
Violet tossed down her cigarette and crushed it under a boot. “Oh, honey. Come on.”
My heart was racing. We’d been caught. We thought we were being sneaky, but apparently not enough.
“Sweetie, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Violet lunged forward and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Don’t be embarrassed.”
“How long have you known?”
“Since… Atlanta?” Violet furrowed her brow in concentration. “The night you disappeared after the show. When you both came back to the bus, you looked guiltier than a pair of kids that had shoplifted for the first time. That’s the moment we knew.”
“We?” I clarified. “As in…”
“What’re we talking about?” Milo and Cash came walking up behind us.
“We were talking about how you should play the drums shirtless every night.” Violet winked at me.
Milo threw his arm around my shoulder. “Oh yeah? You fine ladies were talking about little old me?”
“We weren’t,” Violet replied. “But I’m serious about the shirtless thing. You were rocking out extra hard last night. You’re fucking shredded bro.”
“Is this opinion shared by everyone?” Milo asked, his arm still draped over my shoulder.
I slid a hand around his waist and said, “You looked good. Nobody can deny it.”
“I can deny it,” Cash said dryly.
Milo flipped him off without looking. “Well if the fine ladies of the Cherry Midnight Tour Bus To Hell think so, then I’ll go shirtless again at our next stop. Detroit, right?”
“Right,” Cash said. “It’ll be nice to get that one over with and move on.”
He boarded the bus, and Violet followed. When they were gone, Milo removed his arm from my shoulder and said, “Detroit’s a sore subject. Might want to give him a wide berth until we’re past his hometown.”
We boarded the bus and then began driving back to the United States. But while the band discussed the setlist for Detroit, I retired to my bunk and closed the privacy curtain so I could be alone with my thoughts.
First and foremost, I was intensely embarrassed that everyone knew Riot and I were fucking. I didn’t really mind Violet knowing, because she seemed cool with everything overall, but Cash and Milo? What did they think about it? Had they been judging me this whole time behind my back?
That concern faded as I considered the other piece of information Violet had revealed.
They used to share her.
I’d heard the term polycule before, but I Googled it anyway. It was a combination of the words “polyamory” and “molecule,” to describe how multiple people could connect in a romantic relationship. I never thought it was a real thing, though.
Yet the four of them had done it for months.
It was impossible not to picture them together in a hotel room, clothes discarded and bodies glistening with sweat.
The images that bombarded me were intense and pornographic.
I didn’t even know if they were accurate; Violet had said they shared her, but that didn’t mean at the same time.
Maybe she took turns with them, sleeping with a different bandmate every night.
I shook my head. These people were my friends, now. Today was October 10, and I’d been touring with them for just over a month. I shouldn’t think of them like this.
But I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. When I left my bunk and rejoined everyone at the front of the bus while we sat in traffic, the four of them together was all I could think about. Even when I put headphones on and focused on my art, I kept staring off at nothing and thinking about it.
At one point, I caught Violet watching me. She smiled, then went back to scrolling on her phone.
She had acted like it was an accident, that she didn’t really mean to reveal that secret to me. But I began wondering if she had an ulterior motive.
Did she want me to… do what she had done? Was she planting the idea like a seed in the hopes that it would grow?
That was definitely the kind of thing a groupie did. Sleeping with the whole band. Well, maybe not the whole band—I definitely had no interest in Violet beyond friendship. That was a firm certainty.
But that only made me realize that Cash and Milo weren’t off the table.
I liked them both. They were very likable men, even putting aside the fact that they were sexy rock stars. Milo always made me laugh, and Cash and I had a deeper intellectual connection that went way beyond anything physical.
Did that mean I wanted to sleep with them?
I honestly wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Which was a crazy realization on its own.
Halfway to Detroit, we took a quick break at a rest stop. I grabbed a coffee from the convenience store just as Milo was walking out with a can of Pringles.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Eight inches,” he replied without hesitation. “Soft and hard. I’m a show-er, not a grow-er.”
I laughed at the unexpected joke, then said, “How long have you known?”
“Weird question. I guess I’ve known since I was old enough to get hard-ons.” He grinned at me and added, “Sorry. I know what you mean, I’m just avoiding answering. You’re asking how long have I known about you and Riot?”
With a grimace, I said, “Yeah.”
“One of the shows in the south. Can’t remember which one. You and Riot came back from the roof or whatever, and Riot had a big-ass smile on his face. It’s the post-sex smile. When you’ve been friends with a guy a long time, you learn to recognize it.”
And when you’ve shared a woman before. I didn’t say that out loud, though.
“Great. So we’ve been sneaking around all this time for nothing?”
“It’s been entertaining!” Milo said with a laugh. “You two are real cute. We didn’t want to say anything and ruin all the fun you were having.”
I pinched my nose and groaned. “Great. I feel like the biggest idiot in the world.”
“Aww, don’t say that!” Milo moved his can of Pringles from one hand to the other, then gently rubbed my back. “Who gives a fuck? You’re both adults. You can do whatever you want. We aren’t going to judge you.”
“So Cash knows, too?”
“He was the one who figured it out first. But that’s Cash for you. He’s super perceptive. Doesn’t miss a thing.” Milo removed his hand from my back. “Shit. I got crumbs on you.”
I let him brush them off my back, then we got back on the bus. His comments helped soothe my embarrassment a lot, but not completely.
And I hadn’t asked him about the topic that really interested me.
“She knows we know,” Milo announced when everyone was back on the bus. “Can we all stop sneaking around, now?”
“Did you really have to say that to the entire bus?” Cash asked.
“My thoughts exactly,” Riot said.
“I hate secrets,” Milo complained. “Everything’s better now that it’s out in the open. We can give the two lovebirds some alone time.”
Riot gave me an apologetic look. I grimaced back at him.
“So,” Violet said to change the subject, “everyone got their passports ready? I don’t want a repeat of the last border crossing.”
“I told you: my passport fell between the seats,” Milo whined. “It didn’t delay us very long.”
“They almost took you into custody!” Cash said from the driver’s seat.
“But they didn’t! Everything was fine!”
I was grateful for the change in subject… but deep down, I was terrified that the band dynamic had now permanently changed for the worse.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.