Chapter 43 - Cash
Cash
I’d had anal sex before.
It wasn’t my favorite, but I enjoyed it occasionally. Variety was the spice of life, as poet William Cowper once said.
But doing it with Roxie?
I wasn’t sure why, but it was so much better than all the other times I’d experienced it. Maybe it was because Milo was the one who suggested it. No, not suggested—commanded, as part of our game.
Or maybe it was the fact that I got to be Roxie’s first.
We’d had sex enough times by now that I felt like I knew her.
What she liked and didn’t like, and all the little non-verbal communication that happened between two people when they coupled.
I could tell she was nervous. I could feel the way she tensed around me at the very beginning, her mind willing but her body resistant.
I didn’t think it would happen. A failed attempt, no big deal, maybe we would all try another time.
But then she relaxed and loved it.
As I replayed the whole thing in my head later that night, in the confines of my bunk, I realized that was it. Taking her anal virginity, seeing her slowly surrender to the forbidden pleasure, was hotter than anything I had ever done with a woman.
And when she gazed over her shoulder at me, eyes full of shock and surprise and lust? I came apart. Even just thinking about it now, several hours later, made me instantly hard.
A text message interrupted my reminiscing.
Milo: holy fucking shit dude that waz bonkers
Me: I was, quite literally, just thinking the same thing.
Milo: wasnt sure i should suggest it during the game. vi told me roxie’d never had anal b4 and that she seemd intrigued but i was terrified it wld be mistake
Me: I’m glad you suggested it. But I wish you would learn to text with proper punctuation and spelling.
In the other bunk, I heard Milo chuckling.
Milo: i didnt hv a phone til i waz older so i didnt lern to text like u
Milo: im glad she suggested the game it ws super hot. in a totally not-gay way.
Me: You don’t have to add any qualifiers. Nobody doubts your straightness.
Milo: jus making sure cuz my hand brushed ur balls when I reached down to rub her clit
Me: I could have gone my entire life without that information. Thanks for that.
Milo: ur welcom!
Me: I was being sarcastic. I didn’t want to know you fondled me by accident.
Milo: how am i suppose 2 detect sarcasm in a text message they should invent a sarcasm font
Me: I’m just excited she wants to do it again. Maybe with all three of us?
Milo: i thought u were smart enough to count there were 3 of us in the van 2day
Me: I very obviously meant the three of us: me, you, and Riot.
Milo: o
Milo: ok ya that wuld b sweet
Me: go 2 bed u loser
Milo: hey u texted lik me
Laughing to myself, I put my phone away and stared up at the bunk ceiling.
So many things about this tour had surprised me so far.
I’d had some mild anxiety about the whole thing.
We’d been on the road before, but never for longer than two weeks.
The six cities we’d done opening for Rainknife had been exhausting in a way I hadn’t expected.
I was a man who liked his regular routine, his bed, and his schedule.
Sleeping in a different city nearly every night wore me down.
That wasn’t very rock and roll of me, but that’s who I was at my core.
But this tour was great. We’d gotten into a nice groove. Drive, hang out, sound check, show. Repeat. The tour bus wasn’t huge, but it was big enough that we could all spread out and find some space if we needed it. And there was always the bunks to retreat to if we really needed solitude.
Beyond that, I knew Roxie’s presence helped. She had a calming effect on all of us. She meshed well with everyone. I knew Violet was grateful to have another woman on the bus, even if neither of them were girly-girls in the traditional sense.
And, of course, the sex with Roxie was incredible. Every single time.
“Milo told me about your fun game,” Violet told me the next day when the two of us were alone at breakfast. The other three members of the band had wanted to stay back and sleep in, but Violet and I were early risers.
“How much did he tell you?” I asked around a mouthful of eggs.
Violet held her coffee mug with both hands and smiled. “All of it. You know he can’t hold anything back. You’re welcome, by the way. I’m the one who put the idea in our muse’s head.”
“When are you going to stop meddling in our love lives?” I teased.
She flashed me a big, white smile. “When you tell me to. But I’ve never steered you wrong before.”
“True.”
“She’s been a great addition to the tour. She fit right in from the very start.”
“I was thinking about that last night.”
She tapped her temple and pointed at me. “You and I always were on the same wavelength.”
“We could invite Dana along for the next tour,” I suggested. “Her job is full-time remote. It would be easy. Especially if we’re big enough by then to afford hotel rooms the whole way.”
I thought I was throwing Violet a bone, but she immediately shook her head. “Dana would never go for that. She’s a germaphobe when it comes to hotels. She brings slippers when she goes out of town because she’s convinced there’s semen in the carpet.”
“She’s, uh, probably not wrong. But wouldn’t she tolerate it to be with her wife?”
Violet picked at her French toast a bit, then put down her fork. “I don’t think I would want her to join us.”
I gave a start. “Oh. Really? I thought you two were doing great…”
“We totally are!” she said defensively. “Better than ever. But we both enjoy our alone time. We miss each other, obviously, but we do well when we’re apart. We would get on each others’ nerves if we were stuck together in a cramped tour bus or semen-riddled hotel room twenty-four seven.”
“Ah.”
“Also, she gets weirdly jealous. The first time Milo smacks my ass, she would flip out.”
“He smacks all of our asses. It’s not sexual.”
“Dana wouldn’t care.” Violet waved it off. “Doesn’t matter. It’s a bad idea. Appreciate you suggesting it, though.” She kicked me under the table.
“Ow! You got me right on the shin!”
“Sorry. Physical violence is my love language. You gonna eat that piece of bacon?” She snatched it off my plate without waiting for an answer. “Another reason Dana shouldn’t come: I’d have to actually be vegan the whole time.”
I laughed at that, then thought about my relationship with Roxie—such that it was. Despite us being around each other almost every minute of the day, she hadn’t gotten on my nerves at all. And based on comments they’d made, I knew Milo and Riot felt the same way.
Maybe that was because this was still new and exciting. Or perhaps we had some deeper compatibility that would last beyond this tour. Something more long-term.
But that only brought me to the subject I’d been avoiding in my mind: the tour ending.
What would happen when we played our last show in Miami? Did I want something more with this woman we’d randomly seen in the front row of a show? Did Milo and Riot?
And most importantly: what did Roxie want?
I had no idea about any of it. I couldn’t figure out my own wants and needs, let alone hers. It was all a big unknown.
I was a planner. I scheduled my life days, weeks, and months ahead of time. That organization is what made me the right person to handle all of the band logistics. It’s what kept my life calm even when there was so much chaos around us, both on and off the stage.
But for the first time in my life, the future was unknown. I had no idea what was going to happen.
And that terrified me.