Chapter 4
Four
DARCIE
It took me two days before I was ready to read the letter, and even then, it was more about making sure we had all the information to proceed, not that I was prepared to face whatever my father had to say.
I was pretty confident at this point that without Maddox, I would’ve taken my own life. I wasn’t as strong as he kept telling me. I’d smile and nod when he said beautiful words to me, but I felt anything but beautiful.
It was complete and utter agony.
Agonizer had been named aptly as he’d brought nothing but pain to my life.
I wanted to escape it. Dangerously dark thoughts circled my brain, and I contemplated what it would feel like to do them.
But then I’d see Maddox’s dark blue eyes, reminding me of the depths of the sea, and I’d calm, finding solace there.
I needed him so damn much, it terrified me.
We bounced around a few places and he’d come through with the pill. It had been uncomfortable riding around on the bike as my ovaries decided to turn themselves inside out. If sex led to that, I wasn’t sure if I wanted it. I never wished to be a virgin again so hard in my life.
Sitting on another motel bed, I held the thick envelope in my hand. The paper was heavy, and he’d used his nice fountain pen. A tiny smudge on the letter E was the only blemish against the stark whiteness.
“Are you sure? I could read it for you if you’d like?” Maddox asked. He was sitting in front of me, gently grasping my ankle. His thumb moved back and forth in a carefree gesture against my skin, sending tiny shivers through me. His face was solemn, and he watched me with an intensity I was still getting used to.
“I think I need to. Everything feels out of control, and nothing makes sense. I think I need to read it with my own eyes for it to sink in.”
“Okay. I’m here if you need me.” He squeezed my foot, relaxing the tension I had.
“Thanks, Maddox. I can never repay you for the kindness you’ve shown me.”
“You never have to; that’s the beauty of it.” He stopped, biting his tongue, and I wondered what else he wanted to say but held back. Dropping my eyes, I looked at the handwriting one last time before I flipped it over, opening the back.
Inside I found papers folded together, a picture, and a key. Setting the key and photo aside, I unfurled the papers, smoothing them out on the bed. Sucking in a deep breath, I picked it up and started reading.
Peanut,
Life doesn’t always make sense, and as I find myself writing this to you, it’s because of that statement.
I’ve failed you, and for that, I owe you an explanation.
I wasn’t always a good man, and some would say I’m still not one. But I tried to take the things I’d learned, the life I lived, and make it better for the next generation. As you know, the Mavericks haven’t always been what we are today. I hadn’t planned on running an MC, much less changing one overnight, but when I returned from my stint in the Marines, I knew I needed something.
Making the MCD program gave me a way to make us better and provide a purpose to vets returning home with nothing to hold them together. It’s why the initiation process is so long and thorough. I wanted to know the men in our ranks could handle the stress and be ready for the life we’d lead. Not everything in an MC is clean; even though I tried to get the despicable things that I knew would ruin a person far away, they’d sometimes slip through the cracks. A sweet butt would bring them to a new prospect thinking it was what we were about, or a visiting club would.
If we could’ve lived in a bubble and managed, I would’ve done it in a flash.
Part of the club business you don’t know about is that we often work with law enforcement. Again, not something an MC is known for, but since many of us were from a military background, it was an easy segue. Half of our members are undercover agents, CIs, and a few US Marshals. Not everyone, but Tiny, Red, Bullet, and Brick are a few you’re close with. It’s the perfect cover for anyone needing inside intel, but without having to go so dark where they lose themselves in the process. Again, it’s part of the weeding process the MCD program does. Everyone’s results are sent to my contacts in the alphabet agencies, and they review them, flagging the ones they think might be good candidates. You and Maddox were primed to be in their ranks, but I messed up.
I’m not thrilled to have to say this to you, but I’m not perfect. I know you’ll find that hard to believe, but it’s the truth.
I’ll give you a minute to laugh.
I’d been given a mission to get close to Stanley Driscoll years ago. It hadn’t been easy, but slowly, I’d been building a foundation with the scumbag. There were rumors he’d been dipping his toes in the sex trade business, more importantly, younger girls. Having a daughter myself, I couldn’t let it stand, so I’d eagerly agreed to the task.
But I went too far. In my zealousness to catch him, I started to step over my moral line in pursuit of victory. My contact with the FBI wanted to pull me, but I begged them to give me one more chance. I was so close to being invited into his inner circle. Stanley gave me a test, though, and I failed. I’ll spare you the details, but he didn’t trust my motives and pulled away because of that. During this time, I made a massive faux pas of my own. I fell in love with Stanley’s old lady.
I know it was wrong, and I regret it, but at the time, it felt right. But it had been a trap. She used me to get insider information of her own, taking a large portion of our club finances. Two strikes against me now, along with being on the verge of bankruptcy, I was desperate to change it all around.
Enter Agonizer and his deal. We combine our families—a union of our clubs. It would give us both more coverage, stabilize my finances, and guarantee the continuation of everything I’d built the Mavericks to be.
But when he said you had to marry his son and that he’d warm you up, I realized how far I’d fallen.
I’m so sorry, Peanut. I can never apologize enough for the mistakes I made. I got cocky and greedy, but none of that is your fault.
I decided I couldn’t go through with the deal, and I told Stanley this. He was infuriated and threatened to take you anyway and put you in his program. I knew then he’d never tell me anything, that he was only using you as leverage.
That’s why I’m writing this letter. I know I need to send you away. It’s the only way I can save you, but it means I’ll never see you again. You can’t return to Mississippi ever again, Darcie. If you do, then I worry he’ll swoop in and take you. I couldn’t live with myself knowing it was my fault. At least this way, you’ll have a chance at life, even if I never get to be part of it again.
I’m going to send Maddox with you. Not only is he a good man, but I know he cares about you and will keep you safe. When he was a teenager, he told me that he planned to woo you one day. I hope he still does. You both deserve happiness.
I’ve made many mistakes, but being your father was never one of them. Losing your mother changed me, and I miss her every day. I pray she wouldn’t hate the screwups I’ve made, but I worry she wouldn’t even know me. I hope this allows me to get back to the man that your mother loved. I want to be that version of myself again.
You are my light, Peanut, and I know wherever you go, whatever you do, it will be spectacular.
Trust no one else with your story. From this point forward, Darcie Callaway is a ghost. I’ve included some money, the name of my contact in the FBI if you ever find yourself in trouble, and the key to the safe deposit box that has all the information I’ve collected over the years on Driscoll. If anything ever happened to me, you have options. It’s located at Music City Row Bank in Nashville, TN. Somewhere far away from here, where no one knows who the Mavericks or Hank the Tank is. It’s a nice place. I think you’d like it there.
Love,
Your father
P.S. You’re going to miss your road naming ceremony, so I think it’s only fair to tell you what the club voted on. You were to be crowned Rosebud. Just thought you should know.
I blinked at the pages, so many secrets coming to light, and I didn’t know how to process any of them. I laid the letter down, picking up a polaroid picture of my father, mother, and me. I was probably about five in the photo, squished between the two of them. God, how I missed my mother. She’d know what to do; she’d know how to help me.
I didn’t know anything anymore. I didn’t know if I even knew my father. If I’d known him at all.
Looking over at Maddox, I caught him watching me closely. “Did you know?”
He shook his head. “No. I knew your father had been up to something, but not what it was. We had a meeting to discuss my future next week, but I guess I won’t be keeping that now.” He stared off, thinking over the information. At some point, he’d pulled me into his lap, my shaking too much for him, and he held me to him as I read. I hadn’t cared that he read over my shoulder. It was easier than having to repeat it.
“Where are we now?” I asked, needing to focus on something else.
“Outside of Memphis. Where do you want to go?”
“You know, you don’t have to stay with me. You’ve fulfilled your agreement to get me out of there. You can go on and live your life.” I said the words, but I didn’t mean them. But something in me needed to feel the hurt, to crack open my heart and watch it bleed out. Maddox leaving me would do that. He was all that stood in my way to surviving at the moment. I didn’t know if I should thank him or curse him for it.
My brain was messed up.
He tilted my chin, peering down into my eyes. “Princess, where you go, I go. You’re mine. Don’t you get it?”
I tensed, the words echoing around my skull. “No, I can’t be. I’m too damaged.” I shook my head, wanting them to leave me. I couldn’t un-hear Agonizer saying it.
“Darcie, it’s okay. I’ll wait.” Once again, he held his tongue, but this time, I was thankful. I think I knew what he wanted to say, and it would shatter me into a million pieces.
I wasn’t lovable, and the sooner he realized that, the better.
But for now, I would cling to him, using his heart to remind myself mine still beat.