Chapter 40 Carter
It’s over. It’s all I can think as Marcus leads me to our car.
I lose track of where people are, and what everyone should be doing, which is how you get killed.
I know better than that, allowing myself to be so vulnerable out in the open…
It’s dangerous, but all of my training goes by the wayside as all I can think is: It’s over, it’s over, it’s over.
Marcus holds me once we’re in the safety of the car, and a sob rips through my chest, shaking my entire body so violently, I’m surprised it doesn’t tear me apart.
Everything in me hurts, down to my very soul.
Cristian… He was supposed to be my forever, the person I spent the rest of my life with. My reward for surviving.
Instead, he’s the monster that killed what’s left of me.
My throat aches and my eyes are swollen when the cryfest finally subsides. My friend’s arms are tight around me as he whispers into my ear how I’m okay, and he’s got me, and everything will be okay.
I don’t know if he’s saying it for me or him, because none of this is okay, and it never will be. Not when my soul is crushed, my heart is in tatters, and the life I fought so hard for is now nothing but ash.
Pulling out of Marcus’s embrace, I rub a hand over my face, swiping away the tears. It almost brings on another round when I don’t feel the cool metal of my ring against my hot face. Holding my hand in front of me, I stare at my empty ring finger.
I haven’t been without my ring since Cristian took it from me when everything about who I really was came out. When he tortured me for close to two weeks because he couldn’t kill me.
Now, all I can do is wonder why. After everything we’ve gone through together, if this is how we end up, why didn’t he kill me way back then?
It would have saved us a lot of heartache in the end.
I wouldn’t know what it feels like to be murdered by the person you love, while still being very much alive and having to live through the pain.
Marcus takes my hand in his, and I look at my friend, into his kind, compassionate eyes, and for a moment, I feel jealous that all he can offer me is friendship.
I don’t need a relationship right now. Hell, I’m not sure I can ever trust again.
But if I could…it’d be Marcus and Keegan.
Two strong, kind, and caring men who didn’t hesitate to take me into their fold.
It might have been for Cole’s sake at first, but the recent weeks of working side-by-side, of living together, of raising Cole…
It’s made us the family I always wanted, and thought I finally had with Cris and Roman. How wrong I was.
“Thank you,” I tell him, my voice thick and rough with emotion.
“We’re here for you, Carter. Always.”
Tears fill my eyes again and I nod, knowing I don’t deserve their friendship, but grabbing it with both hands anyway, because it’s all I can do in this maelstrom that is my life.
“You never have to do that again,” he says fiercely. “You never have to put yourself in front of him if you don’t want to.”
“He’s still the father of my son.”
“And he’s done a shitty job of that. He’s lucky he made it out of there alive. He doesn’t get to treat you like trash and expect anything from you.”
“We have to work with him, with both of them,” I remind him gently.
Marcus squeezes my hand. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean you do. You can send me or Keegan in your stead, it’s what we’re here for. I won’t allow him to hurt you ever again.”
“I’m the one that gave back my ring,” I whisper. “The one who shattered the last thread between us.”
We might still be legally married, but our marriage has always been more than a simple piece of paper.
It started, and ended, with the Christmas he proposed.
Now, whatever we’ve turned into, the way we twisted ourselves in order to be together after that fateful holiday…
it’s come to its final conclusion, and I’m the one that pulled the trigger.
“You’re stronger than he’s ever allowed you to believe,” Marcus says. “You are an amazing Boss, a wonderful father and grandfather, and someone I am proud to call family. No matter what, you’re not alone, but even if you were, you can stand on your own two feet. You’ve more than shown that.”
I give his hand a squeeze. “Thank you.”
I don’t believe a damn word, and the look on his face says he knows it, but before more can be said, the world explodes in a shower of breaking glass, metal crunching, and gunfire.
Marcus is quick to release my hand, undo his seatbelt, and pull out his gun. He gives me a quick once over, making sure I’m fine, before throwing open his door. “Stay there,” he orders, before leaving the vehicle.
Fuck that. I might be a mess emotionally, but at my heart, I am still a bodyguard, and Boss or not, I will never stay behind unless I have to.
It’s clear we’re outgunned. Thanks to Tennant’s careful planning, he managed to separate us, not only into three cars, but he gave us three different routes to take.
Considering we still don’t know who is after us, it was a sensible plan, and one that paid off for the other two cars, it seems—I refuse to think of a scenario in which they managed to find all three routes and ambush us all.
The secondary car with two more cars is quickly taken over, the men falling to the ground as they’re gunned down. My own weapon is heavy in my hands as I aim and fire, ignoring Marcus cursing at me as he moves back to cover me.
For the first time, I realize this is how Roman must feel, being put above those he cares about because his name and position holds more weight than anyone else.
Even as Cristian’s husband, I was given more agency over my own safety, because of my background, than my son ever was.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, knowing the man I’ve come to love will do everything to protect me.
“Fucking hell,” Marcus hisses. “You need to get to the other car and get out of here. Ours was hit, but aside from some bullets, that one seems to be intact.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
He spares me a glance, even as we both duck behind our car when another round is fired at us.
“I’ll cover you, but I’m quickly running out of ammunition, and backup is fuck knows how far out.”
“I can’t leave you.”
“And I can’t let you die!”
My heart clenches and a wave of nausea overtakes me at the thought of him dying in order to protect me. It’s wrong. All fucking wrong. I do the protecting, not the other way around.
I shake my head. “Marcus…”
“Move now,” he orders when there’s a lull in the gunfire.
Grabbing me by the arm, angling us so he’s between me and our enemy, he herds me towards the bullet-riddled car that our men died in front of.
We almost make it.
Marcus and I are both firing shots at our adversaries, the still running car just feet away, when instinct has me shoving Marcus away from me. I angle my body to shield his, taking God knows how many bullets as I’m fired upon.
The gunshots close to my head suggests my friend has taken out the shooter, and most likely their friends as well.
At least, that’s what my pain-addled brain and dimming vision tells me as I lay on my back on blood-soaked asphalt.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t dare to kneel beside me, so exposed to the world.
“Fucking hell, Carter,” he whisper, pulling at my suit jacket, making my body jerk. Though I don’t feel any pain, my senses are hazy.
“I…”
“Don’t talk,” he orders.
I’m distantly aware of pressure being applied to my chest and abdomen, but all I can do is stare up at Marcus’s worried face, and wonder why dying takes so fucking long.
“I love you…” I manage to say, or I think I do. “K—Keegan, too. Roman… C—Cole… Tell…”
“Tell them yourself, you fucking asshole.”
An aching, wheezy laugh is the only sound I can make, as my eyelids finally get too heavy to keep open, and everything fades away…