Chapter 11
Ronan
I don’t know how long I stand there staring at the door after Colton leaves, my eyes fixed on the space where he disappeared as though he might walk back through it if I wait long enough.
The apartment feels wrong without him in it, too quiet and too empty, stripped of Ollie’s babbling and Colton’s soft footsteps, and I can’t stop the uncomfortable feeling crawling beneath my skin.
I don’t understand what happened. Didn’t I tell him that I wanted them here?
That I could keep them safe? Why didn’t he believe me?
I rub at the center of my chest, trying to lessen the pain.
Colton didn’t choose me. Didn’t choose to stay.
I replay every interaction, every conversation, down to the sentence structure.
Every word spoken. He doesn’t trust my family or me.
The more I think about it, the more it hurts.
I take out my phone and text Mom. It’s after two in the morning, so I don’t expect a reply.
Me: They’re gone
I slide the phone back into my pocket and walk to the windows.
Have they made it to the hotel yet? A headache is forming behind my eyes.
I need some sleep, but I know it won’t come if I go to bed.
My skin has that too-tight feeling again.
My drug of choice has been ripped from my hands, and I hadn’t even gotten a true taste yet. I’m in withdrawal.
My phone dings. What is Mom doing up at this hour?
I pull it out. It’s not Mom. It’s Taylor.
He’s just reporting that Colton and Ollie have been dropped off.
I don’t want to read it, so I don’t open it to verify.
I toss the phone on the couch without opening it.
I need a plan to protect Colton and Ollie even if they’re not with me.
I log into my laptop to do just that. For the first time, my fingers tremble as I type.
The one thing that I have always found comfort in doing is causing even more heartache.
A knock at my door pulls me from my thoughts. I check the time. It’s 3 AM. Who the hell is it? I check the video monitor on the door. Colton stands there with Ollie asleep in his arms. I open the door so fast I’m surprised it stayed on its hinges.
“Hey,” he says.
“You came back,” I say. He came back to me. The tension that I had been holding since he left uncurled from my gut. The relief isn’t instant like I thought it would be. I need answers.
“Yeah, does your offer still stand? If you changed your mind…” He breaks eye contact with me, looking down. A throat clears, and that’s when I noticed Taylor standing behind him.
“Where do you want his bags?”
“I’ll take them.” I step back so Colton can come into the apartment and take the bags from Taylor. My hands are steady again.
“Let me know if you need anything.” He gestures toward Colton’s back. I nod. Taylor can be just as protective as the rest of us, but Colton and Ollie are mine. Mine to protect, just mine. I won’t let him leave me again. He made his choice; now I’ll hold him to it.
“Thank you for this,” Colton says, placing Ollie in the pack and play.
“You left me, why?” I ask.
“I’m scared, Ronan. I can’t lose Ollie. He has to be my priority.”
“Then why did you come back?” I had to know.
It made no sense to me why he left in the first place.
I don’t know what to do with fear, especially someone else’s.
But I know I never want to see it on his face again.
Even if he was scared, he should have known that this was where he belonged. Hadn’t I made that clear?
He moves to the windows and stares out for a moment before answering.
“Being on the run with him isn’t fair to him. My only concern when I left was to get him away from them. But for how long? I don’t want him to grow up like that.” He takes a deep breath before turning to face me. “I need to figure out how to stop them, not just hide from them.”
“Who are they?” In my research of his background, I found links to a cult in Oklahoma, but I wanted clarity. “Start from the beginning.”
He sits down heavily on the couch and buries his face in his hands.
“Right before my sixteenth birthday, my parents told me that we were moving. That they had decided to join this church. It was this whole lecture on the evils of the world and that our souls needed to be saved. I wasn’t an adult, so I had no choice.
” He looks up at me. “I knew right away that it was a cult. I thought I would just bide my time, and as soon as I turned eighteen, then I would leave.”
“You’re twenty-four. Ollie is only a year old. You stayed an extra five years?”
“Yeah, I did. At eighteen, I was told that the church would pay for my college. It was expected that I would work for them after graduation. I thought I could stay long enough to get my degree and then disappear. About a month before I finished school, Mother told me she was pregnant. I knew that if I left, I wouldn’t ever meet my sibling, so I stayed.
They were never loving, caring parents to me, but it was even worse for Ollie.
The day they brought him home from the hospital, he became mine.
I took care of him. He’s mine, Ronan. Do you understand that? ”
I may not know anything about feelings or love, but I do know about being possessive. I’m that way with my family. Now I’m that way with Colton.
“I understand.” He studies my face for a while before continuing.
“I couldn’t understand why my parents had a second child.
They had me when they were both nineteen.
I was told constantly how much of a burden I was.
” He blows out a breath. “About three months ago, I was looking for something, honestly, I couldn’t tell you what now.
But I was in Father’s office. I found paperwork for a guardian transfer agreement between my parents and Prophet Moses.
I didn’t understand. They were going to give Ollie to him on his first birthday.
I hacked into his computer. What I found made me physically sick.
The church is brokering private adoptions.
Members of the cult who can have kids are paid for it.
But it’s also part of their tithes. They had a buyer ready for Ollie.
The sicko wanted a one-year-old boy. The email said it was the best age to start training.
” He stands and starts pacing. Something cold settles in my chest. My hands curl into fists hard enough that my knuckles ache.
“I should have gone to the police. But I was scared. What if they didn’t believe me? What if they took him from me? So I ran.” His arms wrap around his waist. “Can you understand now?”
“I understand that they need to be stopped. Once Mom finds out, we will get it done.” I say without thinking. It’s true that it would happen.
“What do you mean?”
“We’ll talk about that later,” I say. He will find out soon enough what my family is capable of, but right now is not the time.
“I’ve been alone in this. Ronan, please tell me that I can trust you.” He pleads with me.
“You’re not alone anymore. You can trust my family and me to protect you.”
“I don’t understand why. Why put yourselves in this situation?”
I cock my head. He still doesn’t get it. I cross the room until I’m crowding his personal space. I grip the back of his neck. “I will never hurt you or Ollie. I’ll kill anyone who hurts you or tries to take you from me. You’re mine, Colton.”
“Ronan, it’s not…” he starts, but I cut him off when I move my hand to the nape of his neck. I gently tug on his hair so that he has to look up at me.
“Tell me that’s what you want.” I tug harder. His body arches into me. I wrap my arm around his waist and pull him tight against me. He doesn’t try to pull away.
“I do. I want that,” he whispers.
“You became mine the minute I saw you.”
The words leave me before I can stop them, and then I’m kissing him.
His body goes rigid beneath my hands for one sharp second, surprise locking every muscle tight, but I keep my mouth on his, moving slowly against him until that tension starts to melt away.
His fingers twitch against my sides, and then he’s leaning into me instead of away, giving me more.
I take his bottom lip gently between my teeth, and a rough sound leaves him.
For a second, he seems unsure what to do with me, with this, and then he kisses me back.
It’s not polished or practiced. It’s messy and real.
I don’t have enough experience to know if I’m good at this or not, but I know I want more of it. More of him.
He presses closer, softening against me until there’s nothing held back between us, and when I slide my tongue into his mouth, he moans. The sound goes straight through me. It settles somewhere deep in my chest, sharp and possessive and terrifying all at once.
Because in that moment, with his taste in my mouth and his body leaning into mine, I know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for him.
Nothing. He could ask me for anything, and I would hand it to him without hesitation.
Because he is mine. Not because I forced him.
Not because I took. Because he chose me too.
I break the kiss slowly and rest my forehead against his, trying to catch my breath while he does the same.
“Do you understand now?” I ask.
He doesn’t answer right away. He just nods. He hesitantly places a soft kiss on my lips.
“That was my first kiss,” he whispers against my lips. The possessive feeling gets even stronger inside of me. I’m his first and will be his only. No one will ever touch him.
“Good. Grab Ollie.”
He picks him up from the pack-and-play on autopilot and starts walking back toward the guest room.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to bed,” he says.
“You’re sleeping upstairs. Ollie can stay in the baby cage tonight.” I pick it up and start up the stairs.
“Afraid I’ll run again?”
“No, just putting you where you belong,” I say.