Chapter 34
Ronan
Colton said he loves me. Is that what I feel for him, love?
I think about what I do feel, possessive, and protective.
I’m completely addicted to him, the way he smiles, the sound of his voice, his body’s reaction to mine.
I will never let him leave me. I would give up my life before that happens.
He’s sleeping curled up next to me, his head on my chest, an arm and leg slung over me.
I don’t like people in my personal space, but it’s different with him.
I want him to touch me, to be the one to reach out to me.
Picking up my phone from the nightstand, I begin my search.
How do you know when you love someone? Like with everything else that I don’t understand, I research it.
Several websites say the same thing. Constant thoughts about them, worrying about their well-being, and prioritizing their needs are among the common lists.
Another one that stands out is that they either make you a better person or make you want to be one.
Colton does this for me. For the first time in my life, I want to understand someone. I want to care about what he thinks.
Short answer: I’m in love with Colton. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I’ll find out.
I’ll also tell him. One of the websites said that it is an important step.
Setting my phone aside, I study Colton’s face again.
His features are relaxed, and he looks younger.
He’s twenty-three, but his life has been harder than most people’s.
That ends now. I brush over his soft hair.
The movement causes him to snuggle closer to me.
Slowly, he opens his eyes with a sleepy smile on his lips.
“Good morning.”
I kiss his forehead. “Good morning. I love you,” I say.
Colton props himself up on his elbow and stares down at me. “You don’t have to say it back.” His voice is shaky.
“Why not?”
“Because I know that you don’t experience things like emotions strongly. Your mom and Xavier explained it to me. I understand. You say more with your actions than words.”
“I do love you. I looked it up,” I explain. Does he not believe me?
“You looked it up?”
“Yes. I even took one of those questionnaires. I checked all of the boxes. So, I love you. Wait, no, I’m in love with you,” I clarify.
The smile that crosses Colton’s face is beautiful. I trace a finger around his dimple. The need to kiss him is too great to ignore. Soft lips greet mine. I’m just deepening the kiss when there is a loud knock on the door.
“Fuck whoever that is.” I grit out. Another knock followed by Liam’s voice fills the room.
“I know you are awake. We have information.”
I get up and, after sliding on my jeans, toss Colton a pair. I open the door and stop dead.
“What the fuck happened to you?” I ask my twin. He has a glob of something on his shirt and in his hair.
“Ollie happened.”
“What do you mean?” Colton asks as he comes to stand beside me.
“He’s downstairs in the kitchen eating breakfast. I said good morning, and he threw his oatmeal at me.” Liam frowned. “The kid has no manners. But at least he didn’t scream his head off this time.”
“Oh, my God. I’m so sorry, Liam,” Colton is covering his mouth with his hand as he says it.
I study his face. He doesn’t look sorry.
His apology face is more pensive. I’m confused until I shut the door and face him.
The giggles start even though he is trying to suppress them.
That is followed by a full-blown laughing fit.
Colton sits on the edge of the bed holding his stomach.
“How is it that he can tell you apart?” He falls into a laughing fit again. “I mean, I can, but it’s more about the way you act, not physically.”
“I think he doesn’t like that Liam shares my face.” That seems to set off Colton again. I could listen to him laugh all day, every day. “Come on, we need to get downstairs to see what’s going on.”
We dress quickly and head to the kitchen. Ollie’s in his high chair. He looks like a prince holding court. As soon as he sees us enter, he breaks into a smile that looks just like Colton’s.
“Da!” His chubby hands reach for Colton. His oatmeal, spit-covered hands. Colton leans down and kisses the top of his head, and manages to avoid the grabbing little fists. I decide the best point of attack is from the rear. I kiss his head and quickly step back. I head for the coffee.
“Thank you for taking care of him last night and this morning,” Colton tells Mom.
“It’s no problem at all. I enjoy my time with him.”
Colton’s response is cut short by a growl coming from Ollie. It’s surprisingly deep for such a little guy. I follow his line of sight and see Liam coming back in.
“Look, kid, I can’t change my face even for you. So you are just going to have to get over it. No more throwing shit at me.” Liam grabs a mug of coffee and sits as far away from the glaring baby as possible.
“What did I tell you about language in front of Ollie? It was just a little while ago, so I’m sure you haven’t forgotten already.” Mom gave Liam a pointed look.
“Sorry, Mom.”
“Ack asssss.” Ollie points at Liam and smiles.
“Ollie, that’s not nice.” Colton reprimands as he starts wiping the food from Ollie’s face and hands.
“Ack assss,” Ollie repeats. I try to figure out what Ollie is saying and why Colton didn’t like it.
“That one is not on me. That’s on Dad.” Liam defends.
It hits me then. Dad calls us jackasses when we do something he knows Mom isn’t going to like. I laugh.
“Ollie, no,” Colton says.
Then it happens. Ollie’s bottom lip pokes out and trembles. Tears shine in the corner of his eyes. He looks from Colton to me and then to Dad.
“Ki-Ki!” He screams and holds his arms out to my father, who has a smirk on his face.
“Ki-Ki,” Ollie yells again. Dad stands from his seat and holds out his hands for Ollie, who is more than willing to go to him.
Once he is seated on Dad’s hip, his pouting bottom lip is replaced with what I would only describe as a sinister grin.
He points at Liam, “Ack ass.” He looks back at my dad as if waiting for his agreement.
There is a slight but noticeable nod from Dad.
“Kieran, do not teach him that.” Mom says, “Colton, I’m so sorry. I swear, I do not know what has gotten into these guys. They’re supposed to set an example.”
There is a dreamy smile on Colton’s face, and he is looking at Dad. Fuck me. “Colton, why are you looking at Dad like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you do when he says shi… stuff in Irish.” I catch myself before I can get into trouble.
“I’m not looking at him any kind of way.” Colton wraps his arms around my waist. “Your dad is one of the most intimidating people I have ever met. My baby brother just called him Ki-Ki.” Colton tries and fails to muffle a giggle against my chest.
“He’s too young to say, Kieran. And Daideo, it comes out as Da. Since that’s what he calls you, we thought it would be best to go with something different. He’ll learn Irish, so Daideo will come.” Dad explains.
“Da,” Ollie points at Colton, “Ki-Ki, Mo, ack ass,” Ollie’s little finger points at me last. “Pa.”
Pa? Where did that come from? Last night, he was calling me Ro or Ro-Ro. I gesture to my chest. “Ronan,” I say slowly. Ollie shakes his head. “Pa.”
I start to correct him again, but I hear sniffing to my left. Mom is wiping her eyes with a napkin. Colton squeezes me tighter. “Ronan, he’s calling you papa. I tried to teach him to call me that so Father wouldn’t get upset, but he would not budge from Da.”
Ollie’s face is studying mine. “I’m papa?
” I ask him. He understands because when I ask the question, he nods, then reaches for me.
As I pull him into my arms and his arms goes around my neck, something in my chest constricts and then releases.
This is my family now. No one on this earth or beyond will ever take them from me. I will destroy anyone who tries.