Chapter 41
Colton
I watch Ollie play with the little kitchen set Mr. Franklin put together for him, moving the plastic food from one side of the counter to the other with complete seriousness.
Every few minutes, he picks something up and holds it out for me to see, and I force a smile onto my face and tell him how impressive his fake banana or frying pan is.
I try to stay focused on him. I try to stay here in the present with him.
But my thoughts keep pulling me under. I don’t know what to do with everything inside my head right now.
Because part of me knows what happened to our parents is what had to happen.
I know it. I know they would have kept hurting people.
I know they would have kept coming after us.
I know Ollie would never have been safe as long as they were alive.
But there’s still something ugly sitting in the back of my mind, whispering the same thing over and over. You orphaned him. The thought makes my stomach twist.
When Ollie is older, when he’s old enough to understand what happened, will he see it the way I do? Will he understand that I did what I had to do to keep him safe? Or will he look at me and see the person who took his parents away? I pray that it’s the former and not the latter.
I’m so wrapped up in my thoughts and still trying to pay attention to Ollie that I miss Ronan coming back into the room. Ollie doesn’t.
“Pa!” His excitement startles me for a second. Then I feel his hand on my hair, and I look up at him from my seat on the floor. His green eyes are on me, and I feel his stare deep in my bones. His mouth tilts in a grin.
Smack.
His grin turns to a frown as we both look at Ollie. Holding the frying pan and pulling his arm back to smack Ronan’s leg again.
“Ollie, no.” I reach for the toy but notice his bottom lip poking out. One arm reaching toward Ronan, his little fist making grabby hands.
“I’m not Liam,” Ronan says to him. Ollie drops the pan and is now doing both fists in a grabby hand motion. A giggle bubbles up.
“He’s mad that you aren’t paying him attention.”
Ronan kneels in front of Ollie. As soon as he’s on Ollie’s level, Ollie launches himself into his arms.
“Still doesn’t explain why he hit me.”
Ronan shifts Ollie higher against his chest.
“I think he’s jealous that you paid attention to me before him.”
I scoot closer and wrap an arm around Ronan’s shoulders before looking straight at Ollie.
“Mine.”
Ollie’s little face hardens instantly. He shoves at my arm with surprising force. I laugh.
“Yep. My baby brother is claiming my boyfriend.”
“We share Ollie,” I tell him, trying to reason with him. Ollie is not interested in reason. His bottom lip sticks out, and he stares at Ronan with complete betrayal, like I’m the villain in this situation.
“Pa,” he says in the saddest little voice imaginable.
Ronan looks at me, then back at Ollie.
“I’m not really sure how to handle this,” he admits. “Siri didn’t cover it.”
A laugh bursts out of me before I can stop it. My chest feels so light it almost hurts. I’m smiling so hard my face aches. Ronan may not fully understand what’s happening, but I do. Ollie is attached to him. And maybe I should be afraid of that.
Maybe I should want to pull him back before he can get too attached, before Ronan can hurt him if he ever changes his mind. But I can’t.
“You just need to pay attention to him and make him feel loved,” I tell him softly. “You’re already doing everything right.”
Ronan raises an eyebrow.
“If I had done everything right, I wouldn’t have a bruise forming on my shin.”
He rubs Ollie’s head gently, the same way he touched mine when I first walked into his office.
“I’ll just have to make sure he isn’t holding a weapon next time.”
Ollie immediately melts against him, laying his head on Ronan’s shoulder with a content little sigh. That’s all he wanted. To be seen. To be cared for. And God help me, Ronan gives him exactly that.
“He’s getting tired and so am I. Are we leaving soon?” I want to ask what his dad wanted, but that can wait. Right now I want to go home.
“We really need to stay here. I know that I promised you we could go to the apartment but they still haven’t found the others.”
Disappointment must show on my face.
“If you still would rather go, I’ll make that happen. I get some of the guards to go with us. The building is secure, but not as secure as it is here now. Dad and Mom are just worried. I’ll protect you either way. It’s up to you.”
I think about it for a minute. It really doesn’t matter where we are as long as we are together.
I wanted the solitude of the apartment with Ronan and Ollie.
I think it’s more of getting back to normalcy and thinking about everything.
Being here reminds me that we are still in danger.
It’s a fact that is true no matter where we are.
“Do you think it’s best to stay here?”
“Yes.”
“Then we stay. I wish I had some of my clothes. I don’t know what you guys were fed as kids, but I won’t fit into anything of yours.”
“I’d like you in my clothes,” Ronan says with a grin.
“I’m sure you would, but I’m not sure anyone would appreciate my ass on display when the pants fall off me.” I grin back.
“You’re right. While you get Ollie down, I’ll run and get your bags. Then, when I get back, you and I crawl into bed, and I will hold you all night.”
Just hearing him say it makes something inside me soften completely.
He remembered. Out of everything happening, out of all the chaos and danger and everything else pulling at his attention, he still remembered what I asked for.
The thought wraps around my chest and squeezes.
No one remembers things for me. No one pays attention like that. But Ronan does.
And standing here looking at him, I can’t stop the overwhelming thought that he’s exactly what I’ve always needed, even before I knew I was allowed to want it.