Chapter 43
Colton
Ollie is finally asleep. Bath time, pajamas, story time, through all of it, the only word he said was “Pa.” Over and over again.
At first, every time he said it, something warm and possessive twisted inside me.
Then it turned into something softer. I remember how jealous I felt when the entire Murphy family had his attention, how strange it was to realize I wasn’t enough for him anymore, at least not all by myself.
But this is different. Because Ollie isn’t just attached to Ronan. He’s claiming him. The same way Ronan claimed us. And somehow, instead of making me feel threatened, it makes my stomach flutter. Because Ollie wants him and needs him. And the terrifying thing is, I do too.
There’s a soft knock on the door. I glance back at Ollie sleeping peacefully in his crib before I cross the room and pull it open. Kieran is standing there.
“I need to speak to Ronan.”
“He went to get our things from the apartment,” I say. “He left about thirty minutes ago.”
The second the words leave my mouth, something cold settles in my stomach. Because up until now, I hadn’t been worried. Ronan always feels untouchable somehow, strong and capable. Like nothing bad could happen to him.
“Do you know if he took anyone with him?” Kieran asks as he pulls his phone from his pocket.
“I don’t know.” My mouth feels dry. “I had Ollie in the bath when he left. He didn’t say anything.”
The pit in my stomach deepens. Moses wouldn’t be stupid enough to go after Ronan. Would he?
Kieran calls him. I hear Ronan’s voicemail pick up. Something in Kieran’s expression changes. He becomes focused on what to do. While I am starting to panic inside. He hangs up and immediately dials another number.
“Liam, get to Ronan’s apartment building now. I’m calling Conor and Finn.”
He disconnects and dials again. My heart is beating so hard it hurts. Because suddenly all I can think is that Ronan left to get our things. And now he’s not answering his phone.
Kieran turns to leave, and panic makes me reach for him before I can stop myself. My fingers close around his arm. He looks back at me, and I drop my hand immediately.
“Sorry,” I say, my voice shaking. “What can I do?”
It’s a stupid question. I know it is, but I have to do something.
“Stay here,” he says. “Stay in the house and stay close to Ollie. I’ll let you know when I have more information.”
Then he’s gone, striding quickly down the hall without another word.
The room feels too quiet the second he disappears.
I take a step back until my shoulders hit the wall behind me.
Until my knees finally give out and I slide down to the floor.
Tears hit before I can stop them. If Ronan gets hurt, it’s because of me.
Because he went to get our things. Because he went for us.
I did this. I’m the reason he’s in danger.
I feel someone kneel in front of me before I can make out who it is through the tears. Then I smell Alessia’s perfume. It’s soft and sweet and comforting in a way that reminds me of her. Now it turns my stomach, because she’s going to hate me after this. How could she not?
All the kindness she showed me and Ollie, all the warmth and love and attention, it’s going to disappear the second something happens to Ronan. And I won’t blame her. She’ll lose her son because of me. Because I wanted clothes that fit. How could I have been so stupid?
“Colton, let’s get you up.” She reaches for my hand, but I pull away.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for anything to happen to him. I’m sorry.” I sob.
“We don’t know if anything has happened. You’re borrowing trouble that you don’t need to. Now, come on and get up. Let’s go to the sitting room next door so we don’t wake Ollie.
“Kieran said for me to stay with him,” I say weakly. I try to stand, but my legs give out halfway there. Alessia catches me before I can fall. She’s smaller than me, but somehow she still manages to steady me, one hand firm around my arm as she helps me the rest of the way up.
“Taylor will stay by the door,” she says softly.
She guides me into the sitting room and lowers me onto the couch. The second I sit down, I break apart all over again. She wraps an arm around my shoulders and rocks me gently, the way a mother would comfort a child after a nightmare. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve any of this kindness.
My breathing starts coming too fast, each inhale sharper than the last, until I feel dizzy and sick.
“Colton,” she says gently but firmly. “You need to calm down. Ronan will be fine.” I shake my head, but she keeps talking.
“And none of this is your fault. If you make yourself pass out, he’s going to be furious when he finds out.” One of her hands settles against the center of my chest.
“Slow your breathing, love.”
She guides me through it, her hand rising and falling with each breath until the dizziness finally starts to fade.
“There you go. Kieran will call soon. I know waiting is hard, but it’s what we’ve got.”
I don’t know how long we’ve been sitting here. She alternates from rubbing my back to petting my hair. I can’t help but lean into the touch. After what seems like an eternity, her phone rings. It’s Kieran. She answers it on the first ring, putting it on speaker.
“Ronan is on the way back to the house. Doctor Wright is meeting him there.”
I don’t hear the rest of what he’s saying. The second I realize Ronan is coming back, I’m on my feet and moving. I run through the house and throw open the front door so hard it bangs against the wall. The driveway stretches out in front of me, long and dark beneath the night sky.
I pace across the front steps because standing still somehow feels impossible.
Every second feels too long. Then headlights appear in the distance.
First one set, then another. Two cars. My stomach twists painfully because if he needs a doctor, something has happened. And I don’t know how bad it is.
I run toward the first car, hope rising so fast it almost hurts. Then the door opens, and it’s the doctor who helped Kenji. My stomach drops.
I turn toward the second car just as the passenger door opens.
Ronan steps out slowly, or tries to. Liam is half holding him up, one arm wrapped around his waist, while Ronan leans heavily against him.
There’s blood all over his side. So much blood.
For a second, I can’t breathe. The world narrows until all I can see is him. Then he smiles crookedly at me.
“You don’t have any shoes on,” Ronan says. “You’re going to hurt your feet on the concrete.”
I look down at my bare feet and then back at him. He’s bleeding, and he’s worried about my fucking feet. I shake my head and try to help hold his jacket to his side as Liam gets him into the house. He stumbles a few times before we can get him into the room Alessia shows us to.
“What happened?” I ask as I step closer to his shoulders on his uninjured side. I have a death grip on his hand, and I’m not letting go. The doctor cuts away his shirt, and I help roll Ronan towards me.
“Moses and Ezra were in the parking garage. That fucker Ezra shot me. But Liam shot him, and Liam is a much better shot.”
“Ronan, now is not the time for jokes.” I admonish. I’m doing my damnedest not to look at his wound as the doctor works.
“Who’s joking. That jackass was less than ten feet from me and I only got a graze. Liam was fifty feet away and put the bullet right through his temple. That makes Liam a better shot.”
“It’s not a graze.” Dr. Wright corrects.
His face is so serious that it takes me a minute to realize that he’s not trying to crack a joke. Fuck this man and his literalness. He scrunches up his face and turns to the doctor, who’s holding a syringe.
“What the fuck did you just do?” He asks.
“I just gave you a shot of morphine. The wound is through and through but I’ve got to clean and stitch it.” The doctor explains.
“Why the fuck didn’t you just give me a local? Numb just the area?” Ronan rolls his head back.
“You’ve lost a lot of blood and need to stay still. I’ve worked on enough of you Murphys to know that if I don’t knock your ass out, you won’t do as you’re told.” Dr. Wright grins at me. “He hates pain meds, but he’s actually quite funny on them.”
“If I had a gun, I would shoot you right now.” Ronan is already slurring his words.
“So he’s going to be okay?” I ask.
“Yes. It will be a four to six week recovery before he’s back fully, but barring infection, he’ll be fine.” He pulls on gloves and gets, to cleaning the area. I turn back to Ronan. He has a grin on his face and he’s got more color than he did when he first got here.
“You’re so fucking sexy. Did you know that I love your dimples? I want to push my finger in them all the time.” Ronan giggles. Fucking giggles.
“Is my dimples the reason you wanted me in the first place?” I remember him telling me to smile again when we met at the donation center.
“It’s one of them. Ollie has them too. Did you know that babies can’t imprint but they form attachments. Ollie has attached himself to me. Not Liam, me.”
I can’t help but laugh.
“It’s funny, right. He looks just like me, but Ollie hates him. He wants me to tell Ollie that he saved me, so he’ll stop throwing things at him. I told him that was an inappropriate conversation to have with a baby.” Ronan looks proud of himself.
“You’re right, very inappropriate,” I tell him.
“I don’t know if I will make a good Papa to him, or a good husband to you, but I’m going to try my best. I promise. I’ll make you happy if you give me the chance. I’m addicted to you.”
My heart feels too big for my chest, like it’s melting and shattering all at once.
Looking at him, I know with a certainty that settles deep in my bones that I will be happy with this man for the rest of my life. Ollie will grow up knowing what it means to be loved. To have a family. To be safe.
“I promise to make you happy too, Ronan,” I whisper, my throat tight with emotion. “I love you.”