Chapter 21
Adam
My Jaime tastes divine, better than anything I’ve ever tasted, including the odd food memories that sometimes filter through the fog.
I coax him into giving me his seed once more before we leave the hot pools, and again when we stop for a break not far from my den.
My den. It always felt like home to me, a safe place I could hide, but I already know Jaime won’t like it.
Now that the fog has receded from my mind, I can imagine the den through Jaime’s eyes, and I know he won’t want to be confined to it, even if it would be the safest option.
It’s a cave, dark and much colder than the air outside.
Jaime doesn’t like the cold. He needs warmth or his body will be in pain.
The hot pools aren’t far from my den, but they’re too far for him to travel on his own whenever he needs the hot water to ease the pain.
I can’t see my Jaime in pain again, which means we can’t stay in the den.
Even when I look at memories of my den through my own eyes, it’s not as attractive as it was before, when the red fog ruled my mind. It’s a place for a creature like a barkhide to crawl into and hide from predators. It’s not…
Shaking my head, I rub my temples. I don’t have words for the feelings I’m experiencing. So many feelings, and most of them aren’t good and warm like when I think about Jaime nestled in my arms as I carry him.
The shell on his lap is empty now. He drank the last of his hot stone water on our way from the hot pools.
I’ll have to make a fire to warm more stones and create new hot stone water for him.
I don’t really know what’s wrong with normal water, but if my Jaime wants hot stone water, I’ll provide it, even if it means venturing far to find suitable branches for the fire lights to feed on.
They’re hungry, those lights, and far more painful than the sharp light in the sky. I’ve learned to be careful around them.
No branches for the fire lights. No warmth. Nothing to look at. Jaime won’t like my den, and as I think about it, I don’t like it anymore either. Where else would I take him, though? If we go back down the mountain, the venomfang will find us. The mountain is the only safe place for Jaime.
A memory of a different den drifts through the fog.
This den is a large cave with unnaturally smooth walls. There are holes in the walls showing the outside, but something covers them. Something I can see through. Aside from many items I have no names for, there’s a large, comfortable nest lined with something soft.
I immediately know Jaime would like such a nest, but how do I get it for him? Where are these images from? The world outside the cave holes doesn’t look like anything I’ve seen in the forest or on the mountain. It feels like a completely different world.
Looking up at the big green object that’s visible in the sky most of the time, but doesn’t burn like the smaller red one, I try to recall the images that appeared in my head a few days ago when Jaime pointed upward and talked. Those images made no sense then, and they still don’t.
Massive flying creatures with no wings and caves inside them. Flying caves.
As Jaime spoke, I remembered something else, something that evoked great fear even though I didn’t understand it.
A tiny cave filled with blinking lights, like the forest at night.
It’s falling, faster and faster. I’m terrified.
Red and black move behind the windows. Trees and rocks.
The forest. But I’m falling too fast. My hands touch the lights, but nothing happens.
The fog surges. Claw marks on the cave walls and the lights.
“Calm down. Control it. Don’t succumb,” I hear my own voice, but the fog returns and there’s nothing.
At night, there are tiny lights in the sky besides the big green one. Are those the flying caves? Is that where Jaime is from? Where I’m from?
Straining my mind, I try to remember how I found the den, how I arrived in the forest, how I came to exist, but nothing emerges, the memories long lost to the fog.
How did I come to exist? There are no creatures like me in the forest. I am the only one.
As far as I know, I’ve always been the only one here.
Why did I never wonder where I came from?
Every creature I’ve met comes from others like them. They hatch from an egg or emerge from their parent’s body. Where did I emerge from?
“Headache again?” Stirring in my arms, Jaime reaches up to massage my temples. “You should drink more water.”
Water. I recognize that word now. He wants more water, and I don’t have branches or the right stones to make fire for him. I’m failing him again.
“Hey.” Grabbing the side of my snout, he makes me look at him.
He’s smiling, completely ignorant of what a terrible mate I am.
“Everything’s going to be okay.” His sweet words fill me with warmth I don’t deserve but am unable to reject.
Baring my teeth in the not-snarl he likes so much, I enter the labyrinth leading toward my den.
“Ooh!” Jaime exclaims. I thought he’d grown bored of watching rocks as we walked here, but these rocks seem interesting to him. What a curious creature.
Although I have to admit, these rocks are different from all the others we passed.
They’re thin and tall, jutting out of the ground like giant tree trunks without branches.
Narrow paths wind between them, some blocked by fallen rocks, others leading in endless circles.
There are several safe paths leading to my den, and as far as I know, I’m the only one who knows them.
Not that any predators live up here on the mountain.
Did I know that when I decided to settle in my den?
Or did I just look for the safest hiding spot, terrified something would crawl over and eat me if I stayed closer to the vegetation? I can’t remember.
“Wow, this is amazing.” Jaime sounds excited, at least. “Like a whole rock labyrinth. Wait! What’s that? Set me down!”
Curious about what caught his attention among the many rocks, I set Jaime down. These rocks are relatively soft, with very few sharp edges, crumbling into sand when rubbed, so Jaime has no trouble crawling wherever he pleases.
“Oh my god, look! It’s a fossil!”
Crouching next to him, I examine the rock face he’s pointing at. There’s something resembling a leaf etched into the stone. It’s not particularly exciting in my opinion, but Jaime loves it.
“Look at that. I guess evolution must be similar everywhere. Sediments on the bottom of a body of water turn into sandstone, trapping creatures and vegetation inside and turning them into fossils. Except the sand is pink here, probably because of some mineral present in the water when it formed. Wow, this is so interesting. Oh, look!” Digging through the sand, he uncovers a small rock with half an insect etched into it.
The rock is broken in half, so the insect’s tail is missing, but its head, antennae, and many legs are still recognizable.
His eyes shining with happiness, Jaime holds the rock to his chest. “I’m keeping this one.
I’ve always wanted a fossil. I mean, I really wanted a dinosaur fossil, like every other boy obsessed with dinosaurs, but this will do. ”
His excitement over an insect-shaped rock is so adorable that I grin at him. If he likes that, I know just the place to bring him. He’ll absolutely love it there.
First, though, we need to reach the den. We might not stay there permanently, but it’s a safe spot for us to rest and for me to figure out what to do next.
Not long after Jaime found his rock, the entrance to the den comes into view.
I hesitate before approaching the last obstacle, a vertical climb three times my height.
A venomfang wouldn’t be able to climb it, but there are no venomfangs on the mountain, so it will only serve as an obstacle for Jaime to move around.
Just another reason we shouldn’t stay here.
With Jaime holding onto my neck as we ascend, I’m free to use two of my hands for climbing while still safely supporting Jaime.
It’s a much shorter and safer climb than our desperate ascent up the mountain when we were fleeing the venomfang, and soon we reach the top.
In my den, the place I planned to bring Jaime from the first moment I realized I wanted to keep him.
Instead of pride, Jaime’s presence here fills me with worry.
I’m certain he won’t like it here, and I can’t believe I was foolish enough to think I could stash him with the rest of my hoard and keep him here.
Oh. My hoard. An unfamiliar emotion makes me uneasy.
Looking at the odd items I’ve gathered with fresh eyes, no longer unencumbered by the red fog, I realize it’s just a silly collection of rocks, shells, and oddly shaped roots and branches.
I can’t remember what possessed me to pick them up at all, let alone gather them here.
Will Jaime think I’m silly, like the clatterbeaks who bring rocks and twigs to their nests?
Oh no. Is that why I collected these? Because I saw clatterbeaks do it? Or…
I’m back in that large cave with oddly smooth walls and a softly lined nest. This time, I’m looking at a cave wall. There are narrow indentations lining it, all filled with…rocks? Shells? Twigs? My hands pick them up, my fingers smoothing over them.
Oh, great. Even in my fog memories, I collect useless clutter.
“Whoa. Nice cave.” Jaime looks around with boundless curiosity when I set him down.
So far, he doesn’t seem disappointed, but we’ve only just gotten here.
“It’s a little colder here than outside, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
A great spot for the night. Oh, it even has running water!
That’s some prime real estate right here, Adam,” he chatters as he crawls toward a small stream that runs along the back side of the cave.
I don’t know where the water comes from or where it goes, only that it’s cool and clean.
As Jaime drinks from the stream, my heart constricts. He must be terribly thirsty if he doesn’t even ask me to make him hot stone water in his shell.
“Hmm. Tastes good. Should probably be clean enough to drink. It’s not like there’s anything to make fire, anyway.
How did you even know this cave was here?
It wasn’t visible from the bottom and—” His words stop as his eyes fall on the pile in the cave's corner.
My pitiful collection of useless objects. “Wait, Adam. Is this…your home?”
He’s looking at me so incredulously that I’m tempted to scoop him up and carry him away from here right this instant, but I know he wouldn’t appreciate it.
Not until he explores the place fully, and that includes the hoard.
I hold my breath as he starts picking through the objects, wishing the cave floor would crack open beneath me and swallow me whole.
An eggshell. Why did I collect an eggshell? A dead leaf. Clatterbeak skull. Bones from something I can’t even identify. Roots and twigs and, of course, rocks.
“Adam…” Jaime’s voice trembles as he holds up a flat piece of rock.
I remember why I picked that one, at least. It was shiny, not like the other rocks.
“This is metal, Adam. Part of a spaceship, if I had to guess. Where did you get it?” Continuing to rifle through the pile, he pulls out more shiny objects.
“A scanner? Smashed to bits, fuck. No communication device, except…hmm. What’s this?
” He plays with a small square rock which feels more important than anything else here.
My first instinct is to snatch it from Jaime, but I suppress it.
Jaime is my mate. Something tells me I’m supposed to share the shiny rocks with him.
“Hmm. It doesn’t look broken, but what— Oh. ”
When light suddenly fills the cave, I bark in alarm, knock the rock from Jaime’s hand, and wrap my arms around him to protect him from danger. Not that there seems to be any danger. Just the light.
“Shh,” Jaime makes a soothing sound. “It’s okay. I’m sorry, I had no idea it would still work. I’m sorry it scared you, but it’s not dangerous. It’s some kind of hologram, I think.”
Slowly, I release him from my arms, my chest tight while he picks up the glowing rock again.
As he rights it in his palm, I realize the light sprouting from it forms an image.
It's slightly blurry, like my fog memories, but it shows two creatures like me. One has green scales like I do and the other one is dark blue. Both wear the second skins Jaime used to wear.They’re smiling, their arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders.
“Adam…” Jaime’s mouth is wide open as he looks between me and the light image. He points to the green creature. “I think that’s you. But who’s the other one?”
Looking at the other creature, a memory I’ve had before surges into my mind.
Four arms extended to me. “Rizven, calm down. You can fight this. Just calm down. The stasis pod—”
“No!” I yell, the fog surging violently. “No pod. No cure. No hope. Death. I-I want. Death” Words are hard to form, but I try, desperate urgency fueling my effort. I need him to understand. I need him to let me die.
“Rizven, I can’t just let you kill yourself. Please.”
The red fog tightens its grip on my mind. I advance, teeth bared in a vicious snarl.
The other one raises his hands. “It’s me, brother. It’s me.” Then there’s nothing, just the fog, and when it clears, blood coats my claws and the other one’s face. Others advance on me, but he shouts for them to stop. “Don’t hurt him!”
I toss them away and run, run, run. I run until I find a tiny cave with glowing lights, then jump in and touch them. The cave starts moving through impossible blackness punctuated by billions of fast-moving lights.
I’m getting away from the other creature. Away from his blood. But that blood is on my claws, on my skin. I will always carry it with me.
I touch the lights until a red circle appears. It fills me with both dread and peace, because I know that reaching it will end everything. No more fog. No more blood. Only death.