Chapter 15 #2
"That is because the rules keep changing," Anne replied, sitting beside her.
"That is not my fault."
"It is entirely your fault!" Eleanor said, laughing.
Lily considered this, then smiled slightly, as though accepting it without concern. Beatrice lowered herself onto the grass as well.
"I think we should have more consistency."
"You may try," Lily said. "My brother certainly does."
Eleanor blinked, noting that this was not the first time that Lily had said such a thing. For a while, no one spoke. The quiet that followed was not empty, only calmer than before. Lily picked at a blade of grass, her attention drifting in a way it had not earlier.
"I think that you should stay," she said suddenly, looking at Eleanor.
"I intend to."
"Good, because I do not want to lose you."
There was something in her tone now that had not been there before. It was less certain, less playful, and it caught the attention of all three ladies.
"I did not have anyone before," she added. "Not like this."
Beatrice’s expression softened, though she did not interrupt.
"No one came," Lily continued, still looking down at the grass in her hands. "Nobody wanted to talk to me, or play with me."
Anne’s voice was quieter now.
"You must have had friends."
Lily shook her head.
"Not really. Julian says it is important that I do my lessons and enjoy my own company, but you are here now, and everything is better."
The simplicity of it made it heavier. Eleanor reached out without thinking, brushing a stray piece of grass from Lily’s sleeve.
"We are here now," she said. "And I shall certainly not be going anywhere."
Lily nodded once, as though that settled it. For her, perhaps it did. Anne leaned back slightly, groaning in a joking manner.
"Then I suppose we shall have to visit you often."
"Yes," Lily said at once.
Beatrice smiled faintly.
"I believe we have been instructed."
Eleanor let out a quiet breath. The moment held, quieter than before, and for the first time, the house behind them did not feel like something Eleanor had entered.
It felt, if only briefly, like somewhere she belonged.
The quiet moment passed as quickly as it had come, the little girl’s attention shifting again as something else caught it, and within minutes she was on her feet, already halfway across the lawn with a new idea that required immediate pursuit.
A maid followed at a distance, and soon Lily disappeared from sight altogether.
Her absence was felt, and it was undeniable. Anne was the first to speak.
"She meant that," she said.
Eleanor did not pretend otherwise.
Beatrice leaned back slightly, her gaze still fixed in the direction Lily had gone.
"That is a very lonely thing for a child to say."
Eleanor’s fingers brushed absently over the grass beside her.
"It did not sound as though she thought it unusual, did it?"
"No," Anne agreed. "Which makes it worse."
A brief silence followed. Eleanor’s thoughts had already shifted, though she did not speak them immediately. She was not thinking of Lily alone, but of what Julian had said before; of consistency, control, of what had been necessary for him.
"She is careful," Eleanor said after a moment. "Perhaps not when she allows herself to be a child, but that is seemingly rather rare."
"She learned how to be an adult," Anne said.
"Yes."
"And then unlearned it," Beatrice added.
"The moment that she believed that she was allowed to," Eleanor said quietly.
That sat with them for a moment. Anne drew in a small breath. Beatrice turned toward her more fully.
"You are thinking about him, are you not?"
Eleanor met her gaze.
"Of course I am."
"Will you ask him about all of this?"
Eleanor hesitated, though not out of uncertainty.
"I think I must," she said. "I do not wish to pry, not when I have only just arrived, but there has to be something more to all of this, something that we are missing. Girls her age are never like this."
Eleanor glanced down briefly, then back up again.
"I do not understand it," she said. "Not fully. And I think I should."
"Because of Lily?"
"Yes," Eleanor said. "And because of him. If there is something that is making him treat her like a lady rather than a girl, it is for the best that it is settled and she is allowed to be a child again."
Anne’s expression softened, though she did not smile.
"He will not make it easy. I doubt that he will be pleased that you are trying to change him."
"I do not expect him to be happy about it, nor for him to make it easy. My concern is that little girl."
Beatrice let out a quiet breath.
"I almost feel sorry for him. It cannot be easy for him, being charged this soon in life with a child that is not his own."
Eleanor allowed the faintest trace of amusement.
"You should not feel sorry for him. Lily is not a burden, after all. She is a lovely little girl, and I am determined to make this right."
The moment lightened slightly, though the intention remained. Eleanor rose after a moment, brushing the grass from her skirts.
"I shall find him later," she said.
And this time, she did not sound uncertain at all.