Chapter 7
Evie
“Give me one more,” Zander’s hot whisper causes me to shiver and giggle at the same time. His fingers dig into my hips as his nose nuzzles into the side of my neck. We’re a few feet away from the barn.
“Someone might see us,” I say because that’s what you’re supposed to say about PDA, right?
Ignoring my empty protest, he flips me around and kisses me deeply, moaning into my mouth. “I can’t get enough of you,” he growls.
And I’m giddy. As giddy as a junior high girl getting her first boyfriend. I love how he’s holding me, claiming me, wanting me. It’s so much more than I could have ever imagined.
I pull away from the kiss and take steps backwards, pulling him to go back into the barn.
“Let’s savor this, just between us, for now.” His eyes plead with me, shooting something hot and heavy at my chest.
I just nod. I’d nod to anything he said right about now. I’m over the moon that he wants me.
His hand slips out of mine just before we reenter the fray, and he says, “I’m gonna grab a drink.”
And maybe it’s that whole junior high mentality that we all know in hindsight is immaturity, but watching him saunter off leaves a hole.
I’ve spent most of my life single. Walking alone. Being on my own. And I’ve never once felt like there was a vacated space beside me. But right now, just when Zander decided to take off, it feels like there’s a giant blank space resting there.
I dash off to the washroom to clear my head before joining him for a drink. Just before I can duck inside, I hear two girls whispering.
“Did you see Zander and Evie go into the shed?”
“They were in there a while.”
“Girl, they’re totally together now.”
“What?”
“I saw them kissing outside just now.”
“Are you serious?”
“Shh! Ya I just hope that Zander’s family isn’t too hard on her.”
“You don’t think they’ll accept her?”
“She’s nothing like the girls he usually dates.”
“But they’ve been friends forever. He was the one who stood up for her back in high school.”
“Friends is one thing, coupling off is another…”
Their conversation continues, but my heart is stalled. It’s the exact same feeling I had when I tried to drive a manual for the first time. I swear my feet were pushing on the right pedals with the correct amount of pressure, but nope—stalled.
Why wouldn’t Zander’s family accept me? I know everyone in town heard the rumors of me being pregnant, but they’ve never been rude to me. Then again, Zander did say that he’s got a lot on his mind with his family. Wants to make them proud.
And why did he say he just wants to savor this between us for now?
Did he mean that he wants to keep us a secret? Like, he doesn’t want to tell anyone? Is he ashamed of me?
My gut clenches and twists inside. My hands fly to my face to massage over my eyebrows. This can’t really be happening, can it?
But isn’t this how life always deals: some good then some bad. Nothing ever stays good for long. There’s always something bad just waiting around the corner.
And this is my worst fear coming around again.
Same as it was in high school. I thought I had outgrown that.
I did move past it, with Zander’s help. But here I am again, causing gossip, this time potentially dividing a son and his parents, and Zander wants to keep this all on the down low.
He doesn’t want anyone to know about us yet.
He must have a reason for it, and those girls just gave it to me.
I want to curl up like a snake and hide. Or be ready to attack if anyone dares to say anything.
Everyone is going to think what they will of me, no matter what I do. It doesn’t matter that I’ve only had two partners, they all think I’m a slut and that I’m flighty. My dad did the best he could raising me to be a strong woman, but all I do is second guess myself. Question everything I do.
Yet all I can think about in this moment is a memory on the beach.
Lake Bliss with Zander. It was sometime after high school.
Nothing special happened except that the whole day in its entirety was special.
We spent all day at the lake playing games, reading, and having a picnic.
It’s one of the few perfect days I have in my working memory.
And it was all because of Zander.
How can I expect to move on, to grow, to find peace if it all rests on him? Waiting for him to make the move?
Earlier tonight I was planning to make a move on Logan, but I wasn’t sure about it. I put on the sexy doctor costume, and I wasn’t sure about that either.
Then Zander told me how he felt about me, and all my dormant feelings came to life. Like a plant that’s been asleep for a season, his confession ushered me into my growth season.
And damn it, I’m going to grow.
For the first time in my life, I know exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to make my move. I’m going to make it big. And I’m not going to question it.
This is my life, and fuck, I’m going for it.