Chapter 18
When You Know, You Know
Vivian
Group Text Between Zara, Zaylee, and Vivian:
Zara
Big news!! We got a call from Cartier - they want to gift matching watches for the happy couple!
Me
Seriously?! That’s incredible!
Zaylee
Yup! We’ve squeezed in a stop at their store in your itinerary for Tuesday at three, right after your lunch at Jean-Georges and before your visit to Anthropologie at seven. Have a change of clothes and hair ready for your seven p.m., as it should look like it was filmed on different days.
Me
That’ll be tight, but we’ll make it work.
Zara
Dominic is used to quick costume changes so you should be fine.
Zaylee
Thank God he was ready to get married because these numbers you’re getting are the best you’ve had.
Keep pumping out the videos with Dom - prep for the trip home, a romantic night out, working out together to get ready for the big day, etc.
Include Josephine in one out of every four.
Fans might get sick of her, but so far, they’re loving her energy.
Hopefully they’ll love your mom as much.
Me
Fingers crossed.
I stare at our text exchange, that nagging feeling of doom growing stronger by the second.
Slipping my phone into my Marni woven tote bag, I sit back in the passenger seat and try to brush the doom aside.
Everything is fine. I have a solid plan.
It’s going to work. We’re going to save my career and help give Dominic the launch he needs.
But today isn’t about either of us. It’s about Ben.
Frank and I are currently on the way to the first of three of Ben’s playhouse clients.
With Dominic’s help, I’ve arranged for a quick filming session at each place, as well as interviews with the happy clients.
Frank is going to do the videography, but we’re going to make it look like a homegrown campaign, which will suit his brand better than something more polished.
I’m going to edit and prep the videos myself while we’re traveling, and present Ben with his ready-to-be-launched social media campaign when we get back.
He’s far too talented to waste his life doing renovations when his heart and soul want to create.
I stare out the window as we wind our way up a huge hill overlooking the ocean to an upscale neighborhood called The Uplands.
It’s where two of the clients live. My mind wanders back to sitting at the table with him, working on Henry’s homework, and we came as close as two people can to kissing without actually kissing.
I can still feel the warm strength of his hand on my cheek, I see the look of adoration in his eyes, I feel the heat of that moment.
The absolute longing blended with a feeling I can’t quite put my finger on—it’s cozy and familiar and new and thrilling all at the same time.
My heart is pounding right now just thinking about it and my need to be with him is growing by the minute.
All night, I dreamed of him, each dream starting with something that really happened between us morphing into something more.
First, we were swimming and playing around in the water, then he pulls me in for a long kiss, our wet bodies pressed up against each other, the heat of the sun on my skin.
Then we’re on the couch watching The Proposal again, only I’m laying down with my head on his lap while he strokes my hair.
We’re cooking dinner together and he lifts me onto the island, I wrap my legs around his waist while we kiss and laugh and he feeds me strawberries.
But none of this is going to happen. It can’t.
Not only because it’ll screw up my entire career, but because it’s not what Ben wants.
And it’s not what I want either. I can’t afford to fall for some guy who may seem perfect now but will ultimately disappoint me later.
Only maybe he wouldn’t disappoint me. Maybe it would all be perfectly wonderful, and we’d live happily ever after, except that we’d be hurting Dominic, and I’d have to give up my entire life for him, and I’d have to let go of Frank, and I’d be deeply disappointing my online friends and followers.
I’d lose their trust completely. They’d never forgive me, never forget, and never let me live it down. And that’s my best-case scenario.
“You’re quiet this morning,” Frank says, interrupting my thoughts.
“I’m a little tired,” I answer. “I’ve been burning the candle at both ends for a while.”
He nods, then makes a little hmph sound. After a few seconds, he says, “You sure that’s it? I’ve seen you burn the candle at both ends dozens of times, and you’re still annoyingly bubbly.”
“Thanks,” I say sarcastically. “I’m fine. I was up super late working on a homework assignment for Ben’s son.”
“Isn’t he in kindergarten?”
“Apparently kindergarten has changed,” I answer, my heart breaking a little when the image of the completed project pops into my mind.
Henry was so excited about it when he saw it—so happy to have all those people on his tree who love him, but I can’t help but wonder what will happen when he gets to school and sees what a ‘normal’ family is supposed to look like.
“Okay, then, but if something’s wrong and you need to talk about it, I’m here,” Frank says. “I won’t have any advice—not good advice anyway. But I’ll listen.”
“I appreciate that, but seriously, I’m fine. I have a lot of balls in the air right now, but once we get this wedding behind us, I can get back to my normal life.”
“Except that you’ll have a husband.”
“I’ll have a man living in my apartment. Not the same thing at all,” I answer, my stomach churning a little at the idea. “I shall forever remain every bit as single as I am right at this moment. Single, single, single.” I catch myself, then add, “Which obviously is how I like things.”
“Right, yeah. That sounds … like you’re living the dream, dream, dream.” Frank takes a left into what is clearly a new and very glamorous part of San Felipe. “So, tell me why we’re doing this again?”
“To help Ben out,” I say, turning to face the passenger window.
“The same Ben who you stayed up late with last night doing homework?”
“That’s the one,” I answer vaguely.
“You sure seem to want to help him.”
“I do. He’s going to be my brother-in-law in a few weeks.”
“I have a brother-in-law. I helped him carry a new TV from his car to his living room once, but that’s about all I’d ever do for the guy.”
“Well, this is different. Ben’s giving up a lot for this, so the least I can do is give his career a little boost.”
“It just seems like weird timing to do this, what with everything else you’ve got going on.”
“I don’t know what you’re getting at, but I’d prefer if we could drop it,” I answer in a firm tone. Softening it a little, I add, “I need to concentrate on what I’m about to do.”
“Okay,” he answers, putting both hands in the air in surrender. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.”
We pass by a massive rectilinear home with floor-to-ceiling windows that I can’t help but think looks very cold in comparison to Ben’s cozy bungalow.
“I know you didn’t. I’m sorry I snapped at you.
The truth is, I feel guilty for taking Dominic away from Ben, and I’m trying to do something big to help him so he won’t need his brother anymore.
I want to get on it right away because I’ll be back in New York permanently in a few weeks and I don’t want to have to come back to do this. ”
He takes a right into a cul-de-sac. “You’ll be back in New York being single, single, single…”
“Yup, I will,” I snap as he pulls to a stop in front of our destination. “Okay, here we are. Let’s get in and out as fast as possible. We’re too busy for this shit.”
By the time we’ve visited the first two clients, it’s very clear to me that both of the moms involved have crushes on Ben.
They use words like artist, and visionary, and honorable, and honest, and handsome.
Their faces go pink when they say that one.
The first woman also used the word bespoke at least twelve times, which is about twelve times too many, if you ask me.
But we got a lot of great footage of the playhouses, and they honestly are every bit as incredible as the photos showed.
Both women agreed to send me videos of ‘the big reveal’ when their kiddos first saw what Ben made them, and they offered to have Ben come by anytime if we want to make another video with him in it.
I just bet they’d like that. No thank you.
We stop for a quick bite of lunch at a fish taco truck sitting on the side of the road by Long Beach, then get back on the road. Frank punches in the next address to Maps and we talk the whole way about Ben’s work.
“Okay, now that I’ve seen what he does, I totally get it. There’s no way that guy shouldn’t be doing that work full-time.”
“Right?” I ask, having a sip of my iced tea. “He’s seriously an artist.”
“A visionary,” Frank says, putting on the same tone as the first woman.
“A visionary who creates brilliant, bespoke artwork for living, growing, and playing,” I add, which causes us both to crack up.
When we pull up in front of the last house, I’m surprised by how small it is.
“Huh,” Frank says. “Are you sure this is the right place?”
Checking the address Dominic gave me, I nod. “Apparently.”
He gets the camera and we head up the short sidewalk to the front door, which opens before we can knock. An older man with curly gray hair and a baby in his arms opens the door.
“Are you Carl?” I ask.
“I am, and this is Lily,” he says as the baby opens her mouth and drools on the collar of his polo shirt. “You must be Vivian. Come in,” he says, stepping aside.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I answer. “Hi, Lily,” I say, reaching up and holding her little hand. She gives me a big toothless grin and reaches for me.
Carl laughs. “Do you want to hold her?”