Chapter 19 #2
We stare at each other and we’re right back where we were two nights ago, all the feelings and desires bubbling to the surface. She turns away from me. “How do we use this?”
I pick the saw up off the work bench and hand it to her. “It’s pretty heavy.”
“Oof, yeah.”
Positioning myself behind her, I put my hands over top of hers. “You don’t have to worry about accidentally starting it up. It’s got a safety trigger. Now, line up the blade with the mark I made on the plank.”
She does as I said.
“Good job. Now, when you start to make the cut, you don’t have to push on it. The weight of the saw will do the work for you. You’re just there to guide it through, nice and straight. You ready?”
She nods, her back pressing against my chest in a way that has me totally distracted. I take a deep breath, only to smell her vanilla shampoo. “Okay, I’m going to turn it on now.”
“I’m ready,” she answers in a breathy tone.
I keep my hands in place on top of hers while she makes the cut, then shut off the machine and lift the saw out of her hands. “See? Easy peasy. Anyone can build things.”
Vivian turns to me, taking off her gloves and the glasses. “Maybe with you as their teacher.”
She reaches up and takes off my glasses, then removes my gloves. I watch, totally mesmerized by her. “Why’d you come out here, Viv?”
“I’d like to bring a little something back from New York for Henry and I wanted to see if you might have some ideas,” she says, taking one step so she’s dangerously close to me.
“Oh, anything at all. He’s not picky.” I swallow hard, then add, “Just make sure you come back because he’ll be devastated if you don’t.”
“I’ll come back,” she says. “I promise.”
“Good.”
She closes her eyes and lifts herself onto her tippy toes so our mouths are perfectly lined up.
Every muscle in my body tenses and pumps with lust while an alarm bell goes off in my head. “What are we doing here?” I whisper, knowing I have to say something to put a stop to what I know is about to happen.
“I don’t know, but I can’t seem to stop myself.”
“I can’t either,” I tell her, lowering my face to hers. “But I think we have to.”
“I know we do,” she whispers, brushing her lips against mine.
And that’s all it takes for me to abandon my resolve. My hands make their way to her hips without my permission and I kiss her. It’s not gentle or careful, like it should be. It’s hurried and urgent and built from the terror of never getting to do this again.
She reacts immediately, letting out a loud moan, her hands roaming the width of my chest before moving up to the back of my neck.
I pull her closer so our bodies are pressed up against each other, feeling her soft curves against me, knowing this is wrong.
This is stupid. This is not something that can ever go anywhere.
And yet, I’m not stopping like the sensible, responsible man that I am.
Somehow, what we’re doing erases all my sense of the past and the future, leaving me only with this moment right here.
It erases my loyalty to my brother, even though he wouldn’t care if he did know what we were doing.
I move my hands down to her ass and lift her up off the floor.
She wraps her legs around my waist, and now, suddenly, we’re the only two people left on this planet and there is no right or wrong, there is no concept of what’s acceptable and what isn’t. There’s only us.
Our kisses grow deeper now, more urgent, our tongues and lips moving together like we know exactly what to do, exactly what the other person wants to feel. Vivian pulls back and whispers, “I’ve been wanting to do that since the moment I laid eyes on you.”
“Same here,” I tell her, crushing her mouth with mine.
We continue like this until we’re both panting and wild with lust. If I allow myself even a minute more, I’ll be stripping off both our clothes and making love to her up against the wall.
But I can’t allow that to happen. Not with her. Not tonight, and not ever.
Finally, I come to my senses and stop, resting my forehead against hers. “We can’t do this.”
She closes her eyes. “I know.”
We stay like this, holding each other for a few more seconds before I put her down and let go of her. We stare into each other’s eyes, saying all the things that can’t be spoken out loud.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“It’s not your fault,” I answer, pulling her in for a hug we both need. “I should’ve cut things off a lot sooner. You’re just so…”
“Horny?”
I let out a loud laugh, loosening my hold on her so I can look at her beautiful face. “I was going to say irresistible.”
She smiles at me in a way that I want to be looked at every day for the rest of my life. “I was thinking the same thing about you.” Vivian puts her hands on my abdomen and rests her forehead against my chest, then lets out a heavy sigh. “We can’t do this again.”
“I know.”
“I have a plan. I have people counting on me, and this would…”
“Ruin everything.”
“Yes,” she says, lifting her face up to mine. “I wish things were different, but they’re not. There’s reality, and then there’s whatever this is.”
Her words are like knives to my heart, but I nod and try to look like it doesn’t bother me. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be over you by the time you get back.”
She stares at me, and I’m certain I see tears behind her eyes, but she blinks them back. “Good. That’s how it should be.” Letting go of me, she steps away, then says, “I need to get a few things done before bed. Sorry about … all of this.”
“It’s okay. Already forgotten.”
Vivian turns and walks quickly out of the shop, leaving me alone, my heart feeling like it might crack into a million pieces while my mind fills up with thoughts of what could be, if we’d both just try to find a way. But we can’t. And we won’t.
It would be the end of Dominic’s dream and the end of her career, and that’s too big a price to pay for something that’s just a fantasy to begin with.
I take a few deep breaths and tell myself to forget about her.
Forget about this one perfect moment we shared.
Forget about the fun and the laughter and the kindness and connection. Because none of it matters in the end.