Chapter 27 Late Night Fishing Expeditions…
Late Night Fishing Expeditions…
Ben
It’s nearly two in the morning. I should be fast asleep, but I’m not.
Instead, I’m lying here with Vivian in my arms. She’s so beautiful, with her hair falling around her pillow and her satisfied smile.
I know in a minute I’m going to have to get up and sneak back to my room, which is absolutely the right call.
Only I don’t want to go. I pull her closer and drop a lingering kiss on her forehead, inhaling the scent of her shampoo.
I want to stay right here so I can wake up next to her.
I want to tell Dominic the truth—that he can’t marry her because I need her.
I’m in love with her. And I can’t imagine my life without her. Not after weeks of living like this.
We’re a perfect team. We help each other out in so many little ways, and make each other’s lives easier.
I’ve been running some errands for the wedding here and there, and I take care of suppers and grocery shopping.
She handles breakfasts, helps with the cleaning, and has been doing incredible work to launch my business (I have two clients lined up already).
Not only that, she’s started sneaking out to the shop to help me with the ship.
She says it’s so she can escape the stress of the wedding, but part of me wants to believe it’s so we can spend more time together before she leaves.
(Sidenote: She’s definitely got talent when it comes to the more detail-oriented aspects of woodworking.
I’ve had her sanding and staining the spindles for the deck, which is one of the most intricate parts of the structure.
Her patience makes her perfect for the job.) And she and Henry have totally bonded.
He loves her, and it’s obvious that the feeling is mutual by the way her face lights up when he enters the room.
He can feel it too. He walks right up to her and sits on her lap at the kitchen table, and he snuggles right next to her on the couch so she can read stories to him.
They even have a secret handshake already.
Honestly, if it didn’t make me so happy, I’d be a little jealous.
I can almost see it—we could get married, maybe add another kiddo or two to the family, and live out our days enjoying life together.
In fact, I’ve been spending a dangerous amount of time imagining just that.
A whole new life for us. But I can’t come right out and ask her.
Not when it would be asking so much. She’d have to give up everything because I don’t think I could bear to take Henry away from everything he knows and move him to a city the size of New York.
But when I stare into her beautiful brown eyes in the light of the moon, I could almost imagine doing that, just so we can stay together.
Vivian lifts her hand to my cheek, and I see that hideous ring, which reminds me of all the reasons this can’t happen.
“I should get some sleep,” she says. “I promised Henry puppy dog-shaped pancakes tomorrow.”
“Mmm, nice,” I tell her, kissing her on the lips. “I’m going to miss your pancakes.”
“Good thing you finally decided to stop refusing them. Otherwise, you’d have been missing out this whole time.”
“That would have been the biggest regret of my life.” But nothing compared to letting you go without telling you the truth. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Do you love your job?”
“What makes you ask that?”
“Well, that whole thing yesterday with Dominic being outed, and all the crappy comments people made about it.”
“Yeah, that was rough,” she says with a sigh.
“In the end, it really has worked out in our favor though. LornaLuvsLuxury really took some heat about punching down. I don’t think she’ll do it again, to be honest. And the overwhelming sentiment was one of support from our fans.
I say ‘our’ because Dominic’s got his own groupies now. Big time.”
“That’s good,” I say, even though I really don’t feel good about any of it—not the lies, not the people judging my brother and the woman I love, not the messed-up situation we’ve found ourselves in.
Needing to help find a way out of it, I say, “But you didn’t answer my question about whether you love your job or not. ”
“Oh right. I’d have to say it depends on the day, which I imagine is the same with any career.”
“Yeah, for sure. It’s such an unusual career though,” I say, when what I really mean is I want you to quit right now. Forget the whole thing so we can be together.
“It is definitely unusual. That’s one of the things I like about it.
It’s different. In fact, it’s different every day.
You’ve got to work fast and think on your feet, especially when you do live videos.
You get to meet so many interesting people and make real connections with some of them—especially my followers.
I have a small-but-mighty group of supporters who really lift me up. ”
My heart sinks, but I smile at her anyway, as if I’m having this conversation with a casual acquaintance, instead of with the woman I love. “That’s terrific. Good for you.”
“Thanks,” she says, running her fingertips up and down my arm.
“What are the parts you would change if you could?”
“Sometimes the pace feels like too much. You have to keep posting, every single day, something, even if it’s one photo.
No matter where you are or what you’re doing, there’s this voice in the back of your head shouting at you that your followers are waiting and if you leave them too long, they’ll forget all about you.
” Vivian sighs, then adds, “If you’re sick, heartbroken, or just plain exhausted, you get your ass out of bed and make content. ”
“That does not sound appealing to me.”
“Yeah, not that I expect anyone to feel sorry for me—I mean, I completely understand that there are much harder jobs in the world. More important jobs too. But it can be a real grind,” she says, turning onto her back.
“Oh! And I’d get rid of all the trolls, as we saw yesterday.
I once had this one guy who used to write the same comment on all my videos on every platform: Why don’t you die already and put the world out of our misery? ”
Instant rage flows through my veins. “Are you serious?”
“Unfortunately. At first, I’d just hide his comments so no one else could see.
When he kept at it, I blocked him, but he’d create a new account and start all over.
That went on for about six months until he finally got bored and moved on,” she says.
“But in the meantime, it really sucked knowing I’d have to see that every time I posted.
It got to the point where I’d wake up with my stomach in knots. ”
“I bet. That’s shitty,” I tell her, wanting her to quit now more than I did when we started this conversation.
“Very. You know, you try to tell yourself that all these people are super miserable and they maybe need help, but still. It is shitty.” Vivian shrugs. “Other than that though, it’s a great career.”
I snuggle closer to her and kiss her on the cheek. “I’m sorry there are so many nasty people out there.”
“You don’t need to feel sorry for me. For the most part, it really is a wonderful way to make money.”
Nuts. I was hoping she’d come to a different conclusion there. “Do you think you’d want to do it forever?”
“I don’t know. I suppose as long as people were watching and enjoying my content, I’d want to stay with it. I honestly don’t know what else I would do.”
“There must be so many things, right? You’re pretty talented woodworker.”
She chuckles. “Are you trying to flatter me so I’ll sleep with you? Because you’ve already got me in bed. You really don’t have to do that.”
“No, I mean it.” I rub her cheek with my thumb. “You’ve got a lot of patience and a keen eye. The rest a person can learn,” I tell her. “Oh, and you have your marketing degree so that could open a lot of doors if you wanted … something different.”
Nodding, she turns back to me. “True. But somehow the thought of starting over sounds like too much. Although I suppose that’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?”
“Yes, thanks to you,” I answer, giving her a big kiss. “And I couldn’t be more excited. You’ve given me a shot at my dream career. It’s going to make a huge difference for me and for Henry.”
Vivian smiles at me. “I’m glad I could help. It makes me happy to know you’re happy.”
“I am happy.” But I’d be so much happier if I knew I had you in my life permanently.
Vivian yawns, and I realize it’s time for me to get up and leave.
“I better drag myself off to my own room. We both need to get some sleep.”
She lets out a small groan, then we give each other a goodnight kiss.
I get up and slip on my pajama pants. Her awful ring flashes in the light of the moon as she pulls the sheet up, reminding me of reality.
She’s an incredibly driven person who loves her career.
She’s built a great life around that career, and soon she’ll be gone.
Vivian is not mine and she never will be.
And I’m just going to have to accept that.