Chapter 30 This Changes Everything #2
I know it’s not a real marriage, and you’re not ever going to love her the way you love me, but I can hardly bear the thought of you being someone else’s husband.
Dominic
Same here. I would never back out on her, but if there was another way to help Vivian, I would do it. And I would marry you.
Seth
That would make me the happiest man on earth.
Dominic
Not as happy as me.
Seth
No way would you be happier. I’d be the lucky one.
Dominic
No, I would be luckier than you times infinity.
Seth
Actually, I would be luckier than you to the power of infinity…
I stop reading and hand the phone back to him, my stupid ring catching the moonlight and shining directly into my eye. God, I hate this ring. Stop thinking about your ugly ring! You’ve got the most important decision of your life to make right now!
“So? Do you believe me?”
I nod, chewing on my lip, my stomach in knots. The waves lap against the shore nearby, urging me to figure out a way to make this work.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Honestly, I don’t know if I’m really upset or really relieved right now.
” I start pacing up and down a small patch of sand while I talk.
“We had a plan. A very solid plan that has been working beautifully. But at the same time, it’s been making me feel like the biggest fraud on the planet.
At times, it’s so bad, I can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror.
You know?” I look at him. “Do you feel that way?”
Dominic shakes his head. “No, I’ve been thinking of it like an acting gig.”
I nod. “Right. Sure, that makes sense. You’re a man. You keep it simple.”
“Well, that’s a little insulting,” he says. “I mean, it’s true, but you’re not supposed to say it.”
“Sorry. You’re right,” I tell him. “But for me, this whole time I’ve been desperately telling myself that we’re not hurting anyone and that there’s no way out of this that doesn’t end in me losing everything I’ve built, and that I’m helping you in a way that no one else can, which makes it okay, you know?
Because you’re a good person and you’ve given up so much for your brother and Henry, and you deserve to have your career fast-tracked.
” I let out a big sigh. “But if you don’t need me, then this whole thing comes down to me having to decide between my career and a guy who may or may not want the same things as me. ”
“He does.”
“Well, I can’t base my entire future on a dirty look he gave you.”
Dominic gives me a sheepish look. “There was also the hug and the forehead kiss.”
I stare at him for a second, then let my shoulders drop. “Oh, my God. What do I do? I mean, the last thing I want to do is force you to do this if your heart’s not in it.”
He crinkles up his nose. “To be fair, my heart was never really in it.”
“You know what I mean,” I answer, feeling a wave of desperation. “I … if we don’t, my career is…”
“Over, I know.”
“But if we do…”
“Then you and Ben might miss out on your chance to be together. Maybe not, but it would still kill your career if you switched brothers. It would just kill it later instead of now.”
“Not if I fade off into the sunset in a few years.”
“Is that what you want? To limp along for a while, then fade away?”
“Gah! I don’t know what I want,” I answer, throwing my hands in the air.
“Yes, you do, Viv.”
My heart squeezes. “Yes, I do, but it’s too hard, Dom. It’s too scary. What if you’re wrong and he doesn’t want the same thing I do?” I ask, tears filling my eyes. “What then? I’d be devastated, which sounds ridiculous because I only met him a few weeks ago.”
I think about Seth and Dominic wanting to be together. “But if you want to be with Seth, you shouldn’t have to wait. You should go for it. I can post a video tonight and announce to my followers that we broke up.”
“That would kill all your sponsorship deals right now.”
Shrugging, I say, “Yeah, but maybe I’d get pity follows.
” I glance up at the night sky. “Oh God, I don’t want pity follows!
That’s the most pathetic of all the follows.
They’re the least likely to stick around too because as soon as things are going your way, they lose interest because they’re only in it for the drama. ”
Dom puts his hands on my shoulders. “Listen carefully. Seth and I could be happy for a long time with our original plan—for me to marry you and to be with him privately. As long as you need us to. You and I can still get a French bulldog—"
“Poodle,” I correct him.
“Frenchie doodle?”
“Is that a thing?”
“Probably. They pretty much add poodle to everything these days,” he answers.
“Anyway, the point is, we can get a puppy and keep doing videos together. I actually love doing the videos and don’t want to have to give them up.
But, just in case you were thinking that you don’t want to keep up the lie, I wanted you to know I’ll be fine without you. Better than fine.”
“Well, shit, Dominic,” I answer, letting out a groan worthy of a teenager who’s been asked to take out the garbage. “You couldn’t have maybe told me sooner?”
“Until last night, I didn’t think you were in love.”
“But you knew we were sleeping together.”
“That’s different. I thought you were both in it for the sex,” he says.
“But when I saw how he held you last night—how he couldn’t stop himself, even though he has the most self-control of anyone I’ve ever met and he knew we would all see.
And yet, he rushed to you and kissed your forehead and wiped away your tears.
That’s a man in love. A very good man, at that. ”