Chapter 36 Jess #2
“By the time I realized I was lost, it was getting dark. I kept trying to find my way back but everything looked the same. Just trees. And more trees. And... shadows. I finally gave up, and just... waited. To die.”
“How long were you out there?” His voice is rough.
“Three days.”
His grip tightens.
“I found a creek that first day. Drank the water even though I knew I probably shouldn’t have. Tried to stay calm. Tried to remember what my dad taught me about moss growing on the north side of trees. But I was seven and terrified and I just... gave up. Sat there. Waiting.”
A tear slides down my cheek. Still hugging Marco, I swipe at it angrily.
“The rescue team found me at dawn on that last day. Hypothermic. Dehydrated. Completely traumatized.”
He pulls away to look me in the eyes. “Fuck, Jess.”
“Yeah.” I laugh but it comes out broken. “So that’s why I’m not exactly outdoorsy. Nature and I have history. And it’s not the cute Instagram kind. I’ve never really... gotten over the trauma. Therapy helped, enough for me to survive in city parks. But the wilderness...”
I look at the dark window and shudder.
He pulls me into his lap again. Wraps his arms around me again, like he can shield me from memories that are two decades old. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
I smile sadly. “Its not your fault.”
“I know.” He presses his lips to my temple. “But I’m still sorry.”
We sit like that for a while. Me curled into him. Him holding me steady. The cabin quiet except for the sounds of the woods doing their thing outside.
“You could have told me,” he says finally. “Before we came.”
I sigh wistfully. “I know.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
I pull back enough to look at him. “You would have canceled it if you knew.”
“You’re damn right I would have canceled.”
“There you go,” I reply. “Ben needs this. And you need this. And I didn’t want my baggage to ruin it.”
His voice has that edge that means he’s angry on my behalf. “Your trauma isn’t baggage. It’s a part of you. And I want all of you. Even the scared parts.”
Oh.
Oh wow.
My eyes are definitely leaking now. The full waterworks.
Very attractive.
“I’m a mess,” I tell him, wiping at my cheek.
“You’re brave,” he counters. “You’re here even though you’re terrified. That’s the very definition of courage.”
“Or stupidity,” I smile through the tears.
He shrugs. “Same thing sometimes.”
I laugh. Because he’s right and also because sitting here in his lap while confessing my deepest fears somehow feels safe.
“Thank you,” I whisper. “For not trying to fix me.”
“You’re not broken.” He wipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb. “You’re just human.”
We stay like that. Wrapped up in each other while the woods continue being creepy outside. And for the first time since we arrived, I don’t feel like I’m about to shatter.
I feel...
Seen.
That’s the best word.
“We should sleep,” he says eventually. “Ben will be up at dawn wanting to hunt.”
“Right. The hunting.”
The activity that involves going deeper into these nightmare trees.
Cool.
But sleep feels impossible right now. My brain won’t stop replaying every sound outside. Every shadow. Every memory of being seven and lost and convinced I was going to die alone.
“Marco?” My voice comes out smaller than I intend.
“Yeah?”
I swallow. Hard. And whisper so Ben can’t hear: “Can you. I don’t know. Help me not think about it? The woods thing?”
He pulls back enough to look at me. Those dark eyes searching mine. “How?”
“I don’t know. Just. Be close? Distract me? Make me think about literally anything else?”
When you’re basically begging your boss to make you forget your childhood trauma through the power of his presence.
Very professional, Jess.
“Jess.” His voice drops lower. Warning or promise, I can’t tell. “If I get any closer, I’m not going to want to stop at distraction.”
“Good,” I tell him.
The word hangs between us. Permission. Plea. Absolute certainty that this is what I need right now.
He stands, pulling me up with him.
We move down the hallway quietly. When we’re back in the main room, he eases the hallway door fully closed, tests the handle to make sure it latches properly.
“Locked,” he says.
Then turns back to me.
“Hey,” I tell him. We’re standing so close I can feel the heat radiating off his body. “Thank you. For listening. For not trying to fix me.”
“You’re not broken,” he says again. Like he needs me to believe it.
“I know.” I do know. Mostly. “But right now I just... I need you to make me forget everything. There’s only us. Here. Now.”
His hand comes up to cup my jaw, his thumb brushing my cheekbone. “I can do that.”
“I know you can.” And then I’m kissing him. Or he’s kissing me. Or we’re both kissing each other and it doesn’t matter who started it because we’re finally doing what we’ve both been thinking about since we got here.
His mouth tastes like the wine we had with dinner. His hands are warm and sure as they slide into my hair. And for the first time since we arrived in these godforsaken woods, I’m not counting breaths or fighting panic or white-knuckling my way through fear.
I’m just.... here.
With him.
Wanting this more than I’ve wanted anything in my entire life.
“Jess.” He breaks the kiss just long enough to check. “You sure?”
“So so sure.” I pull him back to my lips.
“Good girl,” he murmurs against my mouth.
Oh God those two words.
And then he’s walking me backward toward the couch and I’m letting him because apparently I’ve lost all ability to make rational decisions.