Chapter 11
11
MAC
“Are you enjoying your summer, Mac?” Mama Gladdie’s face is innocent. But her eyes…those sparkle with mischief. I’d seen the same look every time she challenged Zye on his plans for Cher and Rainn’s wedding. Speaking of them…where did they run off to?
“Parts of it,” I answer truthfully, resisting the urge to glance at Hettie. It’s obvious she doesn’t know about Rainn and I accidentally getting married. I’m not going to be the one to tell her. The ring isn’t visible under my shirt, but the metal is cool against my chest. And for some reason, that’s comforting. Which makes no sense. Rainn being upstairs alone with Cher doesn’t mean anything. But at least I know he can’t marry her out of guilt.
“Interesting. More pie?”
“I’m good.”
“How was Vegas?” Hettie asks, pushing her plate away. “Rainn hasn’t said much about it.”
“Fine—”
She groans. “Come on, Mac. Give me something. How else am I going to tease him?”
What can I tell her? “I convinced him to zip line over the Vegas strip.”
“Shut up.” She laughs, her eyes wide. “Rainn is scared to death of heights. Hell, I couldn’t even get him on the Ferris wheel at the Brecklin County fair.”
I lean in closer as if I’m sharing a big secret. “He loved it. Wanted to go again.”
“Not true.”
We both jump at the sound of Rainn’s voice. Caught. “It is true,” I whisper to Hettie loud enough for Rainn to hear. “Just ask Cher.”
“Nope.” Cher shakes her head. “I’m not getting between siblings—or friends. Learned my lesson.” She walks over to the sink and starts loading the dishwasher.
Mama Gladdie rises to her feet. “I can get those.”
While they argue about who should clean up, Rainn plops beside me. “Causing trouble, Mac?”
“Not me.”
“I was asking him about Vegas since someone hasn’t said a word about it. It’s called Sin City for a reason. Please tell me you did some sinning while you were there.”
Rainn picks at the pie crust on his plate, a pink blush on his cheeks. Is he remembering the kisses we shared? He clears his throat. “None of your business. When you turn eighteen, we can talk.”
“Really?”
He glances up and holds her gaze. “No, Hettie. This will never be a conversation we have.”
She grins at him. “Mac will tell me.”
I choke on my tea, and Rainn pats my back. Not helping.
“See what you started?” Cher points at me as she returns to the table with a cup of coffee.
Everyone turns to me. Normally, this is something I avoid. I hate being the focus of attention, even in my own family—especially in my own family. But this isn’t…horrible. And Hettie is relaxing around me. No one is judging me, except Mama Gladdie. But her jabs aren’t meanspirited. “No comment. On Vegas or Rainn…sinning.”
Rainn chokes on his drink and Hettie chuckles. I pat his back, trying to look innocent, but the heat in my face tells me I’m not pulling it off. “Paybacks are a bitch,” he says in a low voice meant only for me.
I wipe my mouth on the white cloth napkin to hide my response. “Bring it.”
His gaze catches mine—his blue eyes warm. Intense. I forget about everything else. Everyone else. Lost in this moment that feels more important than it should. Why is breathing so difficult? This is Rainn. My best friend.
Hettie laughs, breaking the spell, and I blink, trying to remember what I was doing five seconds ago or hours ago. Heck, I’m not sure if asked, I’d be able to give my own name.
Rainn shifts, and his arm touches mine, short-circuiting my brain even more.
“How’s Casey doing?” Hettie asks.
I stare at her. Trying to make sense of her words.” Casey?”
She raises her brows. “Your sister.” She drags the words out as if she’s talking to a child.
Casey. Right. “She’s great. Why do you ask?”
Does she know more than she’s letting on? She scoffs, and it’s chock full of disbelief. “Because she’s your sister, and it’s polite. Do I need a reason?”
“No, but…” I let the words hang. The last time they were around each other was probably three years ago at Casey’s college graduation. Hettie was thirteen.
“Not sure I should even ask about Kylee.”
“She’s good too.” I stuff pie in my mouth so I don’t have to talk anymore. Mama Gladdie starts chattering about the trip, and I relax. That requires no thinking on my part because I’m just along for the ride.
“Are you okay?” Rainn leans in close, and my senses go on high alert.
What the heck is wrong with me? I was upset with Rainn for not trusting me, but I get why he kept it all from me. But now it’s all out in the open. I feel like I belong here, and it’s unsettling. How do I feel more comfortable around these people than my own family? Is it because I don’t have to be on guard every moment? Or is it because of the man next to me? These are people Rainn cares about and trusts. And now that includes me.
But this thing between us is unknown. What if I mess it all up? No matter what happens, I can’t lose Rainn. I just can’t. I have to find a way to make it work.
Why Maine? Couldn’t Hettie’s grandparents live someplace close? Like Chicago? Kansas. A place not involving a plane. For someone afraid of heights, it’s weird that Rainn is fine.
I am not. Heights don’t bother me. Being in a metal deathtrap thirty thousand feet in the air that could crash? Fight me on this. And yeah, I was only four when a corporate airplane traveling from St. Louis to Kirksville crashed, but that stuff sticks with you, especially since the twentieth anniversary was this year, so they played it over and over on the news.
The plane rides to and from Las Vegas were my firsts, but those were short, and I could hide my nervousness. This is a much longer flight. And, for some reason, bumpier.
The flight isn’t full, so there’s a seat between Rainn and me as he stares out the window. I grit my teeth and shut my eyes, trying to think of anything else. But the only thing, besides death, my brain wants to think about is this mess with Rainn.
His hands in mine. Fitting perfectly. His eyes intent on my face. The Elvis preacher saying the wedding vows we had to repeat. The feeling of justice. Cher had tried to take him away, but he was mine.
More and more memories of the wedding have been popping up, and I’m never prepared. Shame washes over me, sour in my already queasy stomach. And…guilt? Rainn isn’t a possession. I know better than anyone how toxic it is to think that way. Is that why I’m holding on so tight?
Rainn has been the only sure thing in my life. Just one drink, one slip-up by my dad, would bring our family crashing down. But Rainn, even when he lived with his mom, was always there. Maybe only every other weekend but always my friend. No matter how weird or angry I got.
I jump in my seat as the plane bucks like a horse. Bile rises in my throat, and I swallow it down. Squeezing my eyes shut doesn’t help. I’m paralyzed in my seat. My heart jumps around like it’s trying to escape my chest.
“I was a fucking mess on the way to Vegas.” Rainn’s deep voice is close to my ear. Did he switch seats?
“Nice try.” I keep my eyes closed and try to swallow my fear. His body radiates heat and then his leg presses against mine. Like a sponge, my body soaks it up. He feels warm and safe. “It didn’t bother you at all. How can you be afraid of heights and not care about being a million miles in the air?”
His chuckle teases my neck and sets fire to the warmth in my body like a flame being stoked. My breath catches. “Nothing looks real on the ground. But that’s not what I meant. I was in my head on the way to Vegas…”
Guilt. It’s in his voice and the things he doesn’t say. Lying to Cher. Lying to me. But I ignore that voice and focus on the heat. “Rainn?—”
“I should have noticed, Mac. Jesus, you were my best man at a wedding you thought was a mistake. You flew to Vegas with me. You’ve always been there for me. But this is the third time we’ve been on an airplane together in the last two weeks. I should have realized sooner that you have a fear of flying.” He laughs, but it sounds harsh. “Even now, I’m making this all about me.”
“Yeah. What’s up with that?” I try to get him to laugh, but the truth smacks me in the face. It is all about Rainn. My life has always been about Rainn. That can’t be healthy.
“I’m so—” He cuts off. “How can I help?”
“Distract me?” Which he’s doing. And it’s working. I take a deep breath, glad my lungs are cooperating again.
“What did the horse say after he tripped?”
“I don’t know. What?”
His eyes are a dark blue, like the blue after the sun has set. Almost black. And I can’t look away.
“Help! I’ve fallen, and I can’t giddyup!”
A laugh bursts out of me. A big man in a gray sweatshirt turns to stare. His heavy jowls set in a scowl. I focus on Rainn. “Dad jokes? Really.”
Rainn grins. Our faces are so close. “You like dad jokes.” The guilt is gone from his voice. When he talked about being in his head during the trip to Vegas, I thought his guilt was about Cher and everything that happened during the non-wedding. But it wasn’t about Cher at all. He was worried about me. I’ll have to unpack that later because now all I can do is stare.
Rainn’s smile fades, and he swallows. “Can I…?” The question trails off like his smile. As if he’s not sure what to do with either one.
Does he want to kiss me? The thought excites me and makes me want to throw up. Why am I such a mess?
He swallows again. I remember our dance. My head on his shoulder. So close to his neck. His mouth. “Can I hold your hand?”
A sound escapes me, halfway between relief and disappointment. I clear my throat and try to clear my head. “Yeah.”
He smiles and takes my hand. This is safe. We’ve done this before. I lean back in my chair, my eyes glued to his face.
“You okay?” Rainn asks.
“Yeah, thanks.”
“You two are cuter than a sack of puppies,” Mama Gladdie says, leaning forward from her seat behind us, “but some of us aren’t used to getting up at the crack of dawn. Could you dial down the flirting for an hour or so?”
“Not flirting.” Rainn and I both say at the same time.
Hettie laughs.
Once they’re pretending to mind their own business again, I whisper, “I hate everybody.”
“Even me?”
I try and fail to keep the smile off my face. “Except you.”
Rainn brushes my hair off my forehead. “Get some sleep.”
With his hand in mine, the touch of his fingers branded on my skin, I forget about our impending death by plane crash and drift off to a dreamless sleep.