Chapter 26
26
RAINN
A private airstrip. Of course. What did I expect? Several black luxury SUVs line the edge of the runway. Unlike back home, the weather is mild, and we don’t need our coats. We wait while Reginald makes arrangements with the men in the cars. Simon takes off after him, and his dad grabs his arm. “Wait a minute, bud.”
Adrian bends and points to another plane by the hangar and then the palm trees in the background. Simon’s face lights up, and he tugs on Isaac’s shirt. “Look, Dad!”
A wave of something I thought I’d buried away brings a lump of emotion to my chest, and I rub it away. Miles wraps his arm around Zye, and that’s when I notice the unshed tears shining in my brother’s eyes. My gut twists. Some families might be happy, but they’re more likely going to tear your heart out. I can’t protect him from this.
“Are you okay?” The worry in his dark eyes grounds me.
I nod. Then shake my head. God, I’m not at all okay. One minute, I’m resigned to whatever we find and ready to get this over with. The next, I’m shaking and want to throw up. So full of…anger? Fear? Mom’s been out there all this time. Living her life, not caring about the kids she left behind. This could destroy Zye.
And suddenly, I’m back in that car as Mom drives me away from Zye. He runs alongside the car, waving at me with a sad smile and tears in his eyes. It was just the weekend. Something that happened one or two times a month, depending on whether Zye’s dad was out of the country. But this time felt different. Mom leaving for a cruise on her birthday. Was it the sadness in her eyes? The finality?
Zye had chased us until he couldn’t. His dad was nice. He didn’t need me when he was there, which should have been a relief, but I just felt more alone.
“Rainn?” Mac squeezes my arm, startling me out of the memory.
I blink away the memories, focusing on Mac’s dark eyes, the familiar curve of his cheek. My Mac. My constant. I smile. “I’m okay.”
He shakes his head, his eyes fond as he thumbs away the tears on my cheek. “Sure.”
I sniffle and scrub my hands over my face. “I’m fine. Really.” But my voice is thick with emotion.
His hands cup my face, and he rests his forehead against mine. “You don’t have to be fine, sweetheart.”
I nod again, and he kisses my forehead and pulls away. “I’m worried about Zye. This could destroy him.” It’s easier to focus on him.
I take a step back as Reginald returns and confers with Adrian. Miles glances at us, his expression unreadable.
“So…” Mac says, darting a glance at Miles. There’s something in his voice, like a question or a shout. “You told them.” His jaw tightens as he stares at the mountains in the background. “That our marriage isn’t…”
He doesn’t finish that statement, and I don’t blame him. I don’t know how to finish it either. Even thinking it’s not real makes breathing difficult.
I hold back the apology he doesn’t want. I should have talked to him first. “I told Zye on the way here. I don’t want to lie to him anymore.” But is it still a lie? Not for me. “He must have told Miles. And I’m guessing Miles told you that he knew.”
“Yeah.” And he hesitates like there’s something more. After a minute of waiting, seconds, really, I’m again tempted to apologize, but I resist. Instead, I squeeze his hand, pressing my thumb on the thin white scar.
We follow Reginald to the SUVs. The windows are tinted and they’re obviously expensive. Mac leans over and whispers, “Holy fish sticks, dude. The plane. The cars. You should have married a prince.”
I laugh because it’s expected and hold back the words clogging my throat. I don’t need a prince, Mac . I just need you . But this is all pretend, and my nerves are already strung tight. Christ. We already have enough drama.
“This is fancy.” Zye twirls around a few times. “Why do we need two?”
“We don’t want to intrude.” Adrian wraps an arm around Isaac and places a hand on Simon’s shoulder.
Isaac shakes his phone at Zye. “Call if you need us. We’ll be close.”
“We’re going to Burger King,” Simon says with a big grin.
“Apparently, they’re everywhere. Even in California.” Adrian smiles fondly at the boy and Isaac.
We pile into the car. It comfortably holds the four of us. Mac and I sit in the seat behind Zye and Miles.
I’ve never been to California, but I can’t focus on the scenery. In the next hour or so, I will come face-to-face with Mom. I can almost feel the kiss on my cheek.
“Take care of yourself, honey bunches. And your brother. Her lashes are wet with tears. “I love you so much. Don’t forget that, okay?”
“It’s just the weekend, Mom. Geesh.” I wipe the kiss away. I’m fifteen. Too old for all this mushy stuff.
Pressing my hand to my cheek, I stare at the countryside dotted with cacti and majestic mountains in the background.
The car is mostly quiet, interspersed with Miles’s whispers and Zye’s sniffles. I tap my fingers against my thigh to control the shaking. It’s either that or stuffing them under my legs. But I want to leave them free. For reasons.
After a few minutes, Mac grabs my hand and links our fingers together.
The tightness in my chest lessons. Those reasons.
Zye turns and watches us, raising a brow in question. But it’s not the question I answer.
“I don’t even know what to hope for, Zye.”
He waves his hand with a laugh. “As a kid, I had this whole scenario in my head. Mom came home, and she’d been in an accident. The details changed over the years, but the result was the same. Amnesia.” He shrugs. “How could she return when she couldn’t remember her family?”
My stomach sours. Mom didn’t forget her family. She reached out to Belinda. I’ve examined it over and over, and I’m still no closer to figuring out why Mom trusted my stepmother instead of us.
Zye chews on his lip. “It’s stupid. But I was twelve.”
Is he still holding on to that fantasy? That something kept Mom away from us? Am I?
“I get it,” Mac says, staring out the window. “But it’ll make it that much harder to deal with when it turns out not to be true.”
“Well, it’s either amnesia or pirates.” Zye shrugs, and Miles shoots Mac a look, daring him to say anything.
But Mac doesn’t notice. He’s lost in his own thoughts. I lean my head on his shoulder. This day is going to suck for everyone, but we can’t turn back now.
After another twenty minutes or so, we pull into a sweeping driveway. The wrought iron gate throws me. Is it to keep people out? Or keep people in?
Has Mom been in and out of rehab this entire time?
The driver presses the button. So much for the element of surprise. Instead of a voice asking what we want, we hear a click, and the doors swing open.
We glance at each other.
“What in the ever-loving hell?” Miles asks. And for once, I completely agree.
The driveway winds around bright gardens that seem out of place in the dry countryside and a beautiful fountain. The Mediterranean-style building spreads out over a large area, reminding me of one of those luxury rehabs.
Does Mom have money? A place like this can’t be cheap. I grab Mac’s hand and he squeezes. It feels like someone’s making popcorn in my body. All the jumping and pinging, and I wish they’d stop. I know it’s just my brain sending electrical and chemical impulses to the rest of my body to keep me on high alert. But in that moment, I would swear they’re real.
Miles and Zye reach the door first. I want to step in front of them. I want to protect Zye from whatever is inside, which is ridiculous. He’s a grown man. He can take care of himself. He reaches up to ring the bell but stops and glances over his shoulder at me. The angle of his face is a question. Are we doing the right thing?
I smile and shrug. “We came all this way.”
He nods and turns back. But before he can ring the bell, the large door swings open, revealing a blonde woman. She’s beautiful with perfect skin and a classic nose. The wrinkles in her neck and the blue veins of her hand give away her age. Maybe late fifties? But it’s her eyes that tell me what I need to know. Blue. Not green.
Not Mom. Would I recognize my mother if I saw her? Until today, that answer would have been yes. Absolutely.
Now? Maybe not, and the thought makes my stomach sink.
“May I help you?”
Her accent sounds…Swedish or Norwegian.
“We’re here to see Olivia Jaine.” Zye’s voice wavers on Mom’s name. He raises his chin. “I’m Zye Roessler and this is Rainn Harding. We’re her sons.”
Her expression doesn’t change as she studies Zye and then me. Finally, she nods. “Come in,” she says, opening the door wider. “We’ve been expecting you.”
As she turns and leads the way down the hall, we glance at each other. What the hell? She waves us into a nicely decorated sitting room. Lavish without being gaudy. Almost cozy if you have lots of money or, I guess, rich patrons.
Something doesn’t feel right. Zye glances around the room and freezes. Is he resisting the urge to twirl? His eyes are wide as he stares at the woman. “Is…is Mom okay?”
A furrow appears between her eyes. “Your mother is quite well.”
Her words don’t reduce my anxiety at all. “How many…residents do you have here?”
“Residents? Living here?” The furrow deepens. “Four.”
“Four?” Zye squeaks.
That makes no sense. The confusion doesn’t leave her face, but she smiles. “I apologize for not introducing myself sooner. I am Adelia. Pleased to meet you.” She nods in greeting. “As to your question, four people live here. Your mother. Myself. Valda, the housekeeper. And Michael.”
I still have so many questions, but I ask the most important one first. “Um, so this isn’t a rehab?”
She laughs. “No, of course not. This is your mother’s home.”
I’m starting to get it now. Mom married some rich asshole. I push back my anger and unclench my jaw. “Michael is Mom’s husband?”
Adelia gives us a secret smile, like she knows things. Of course she does. “No, Michael is your mother’s driver.”
Zye gasps. “Mom has a chauffeur?”
I don’t wait for an answer. I no longer care. This home is gorgeous. And thousands of miles away from the children she abandoned. “Can we see her?”
Adelia smiles sadly with regret in her eyes. “I’m afraid that’s not possible at this time.”
My stomach sinks, but my anger rises.
“She doesn’t want to see us?” Zye sounds on the edge of tears.
“No, no,” Adelia rushes to assure us. “Sorry. Your mother is on a trip and will not be home for a few days.” She clasps her hands together and glances down. Is she hiding something?
“A trip?” Zye sounds like that twelve-year-old who does not understand why their mother didn’t want to spend her birthday with her children. Does he have the rock he made her in his pocket? Oh God. Probably.
I glare at her. “Is it a cruise?”
A slight widening of her eyes is the only indication that my anger even registers. Zye shoots me a dirty look, but I’m done. Why did we let her do this again? I stuff my shaking hands into my pockets instead of throwing the probably priceless vase on the table. Is it unreasonable to blame Mom for not being here when she didn’t know—wait. “You said she knew we were coming.”
The mask on her face breaks for the first time. But it’s only for a second, and then it’s back in place. This woman isn’t just the house manager. She’s the gatekeeper. Does Mom need protection? “I’m sorry. I misspoke. Your mother wants to see you and hoped you would come.”
“She could have contacted us,” I snap. Mac rests his hand on my back, and I lean into it. I’m so damn grateful he’s here.
Adelia shakes her head. “I really can’t say more. I will let your mother know you were here.” Her gaze shifts from Zye to me. “And that you wish to connect?”
“If she can spare the time, sure.” I try to stop there, but I can’t. “It’s only been ten fucking years.”
Adelia studies me. I feel stupid for my outburst, but I hold in my apology. She doesn’t look shocked. She knows us. I’m startled by that thought. Scientific or not, I can feel it in my bones. Mom has told her about us. Shared pictures. Stories.
“Are you sure you’re ready to see your mother, Rainn? It’s fine if you aren’t.” She swallows, looking vulnerable for the first time. “I have no right to ask this, but please…” The pause lasts only a second as she clears her throat. “Please, be sure.”
Zye catches my gaze and pleads with his eyes. The realization that we’re a package deal almost releases the tears that’ve built up over the last decade. As desperate as he is to see her, Zye won’t do this without me. Mac’s hand moves to my shoulder, and it’s almost too much.
I nod at Adelia. Admitting aloud that I want to see my mother might break me.