Chapter 31
31
MAC
Since Rainn and Cher are hosting the gala, I find our table and sit down. Thankfully, my family is at another table. Casey winks at me, and I shake my head. “Troublemaker,” I mouth, and she laughs.
Uncle Lyle and Aunt Peg are also here, although my aunt keeps looking around and touching her chest. I suspect she didn’t check out the charity that closely.
I also catch Sally Jo watching me. She’s at a table with Holly and looks stunning in a red dress that highlights her curves and complements her pale complexion and blonde hair.
And I don’t feel one ounce of attraction for her. I wave, and she turns with a huff.
Rainn’s empty seat is beside me. Then Mama Gladdie, Hettie, Cher’s empty seat, and then Slade. He grins at me. “Hiya, roomie.”
“Hi, Slade. Having a good time?”
“The best.”
I expect him to go on about the decorations and everything he did to help plan, but instead, his eyes are glued to the small stage. And since there’s no way he’s looking at Rainn with that goofy smile, I come to the obvious conclusion.
“You and Cher, huh?”
He turns back to me and tilts his head. “You and Rainn, huh?”
I laugh. Partly in relief and happiness that Cher’s found someone who adores her. The actual person, not the social media personality. But mostly because Slade seems cool with it, and we don’t have to pretend around our roommate anymore.
His laugh sounds embarrassed. And although the room isn’t dark, it’s still hard to tell in the lower lighting if he’s blushing. “I am so glad I didn’t take a peek in that shower.”
It takes me a minute, and then I remember the bathroom incident. I fight against the warmth in my cheeks. “Same.”
Rainn and Cher work well together as they welcome everyone, and I don’t feel the familiar ping of jealousy. Rainn loves me. He told me so. And he’s showed me. Over and over. I gulp down half my water to cool off.
They introduce Garrett, telling everyone he waived the usual event fees and gave a sizable donation in honor of his sister Emily.
Garrett stands and talks from his table about how passionate his sister was. “Emily always supported me. She truly believed love is love.” When he sits, he shares a smile with Christy. Whatever their fight was about, they seem to be over it now. Christy’s fifteen-year-old daughter Lanie is also at the table, and she sniffles several times.
During dinner, a hypnotist entertains us. I’m not a fan, but seeing Christy bawk like a chicken is a highlight, and I hope to heck someone recorded it.
Cher plays her guitar and sings. Since she normally does her videos from home, the stage setup is minimal and feels intimate, like this is a special treat.
And then Roz takes the stage, and the house comes down. I heard that phrase once and didn’t understand it. Not really. But Roz, in full makeup, wild costumes, rotating sets, and that beautiful booming voice, mesmerizes the crowd. The first song is haunting, and Rainn, now back in his seat, grabs my hand. I can’t believe Roz is his mom. Once the song is over, the crowd erupts. Cheering and whistling. Most everyone is on their feet.
Roz motions for the crowd to quiet down. “I’m thrilled to be here supporting this cause and our trans youth. Please give generously with your money, your time, but most of all, your support. The next song y’all might know. So, can I get a little help?” They raise their hands to excite the crowd more, and everyone cheers.
Watching Rainn, I thread our fingers together. “Doing okay?”
“Yeah. Roz is amazing.” But his forehead is crunched like he’s unsure how to feel about it.
“Not as amazing as you.”
He shakes his head like I’m a hopeless idiot, but the smile is there. When the song ends, the crowd talks excitedly while Roz’s crew breaks down the set.
“Back to work,” Cher says, kissing Slade and motioning for Rainn to get up. He stands, but something catches his gaze, and he freezes. Cher whispers to him and heads for the stage. I follow Rainn’s gaze to Belinda making her way through the crowd toward us.
Belinda smiles nervously. “Sorry, I’m late. I had trouble getting—on the road.”
Hettie’s hands cover her mouth. “Mom. I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I wouldn’t miss this. It’s too important to my sweet girl.”
Hettie flings herself into her mom’s arms. After hugs, we pull up a chair so Belinda can join us.
Cher takes the stage and updates the crowd. Roz will perform one more song right before the countdown to the new year starts. “We will also have updates on the money raised so far—nothing concrete, of course—and a few thank-you speeches. For now, dance and enjoy yourselves.”
Hal and Joy wander over with Mrs. Forlana. Belinda twists her napkin in her hand while sneaking glances at her parents.
“Come hug your mama, Bel.” Joy waves her hands, and Belinda slides into her arms. They sob while hugging each other. And then Hal hugs them both.
It’s nice and all, but I’m still not over how much Belinda hurt Rainn. I look away, and Mrs. Forlana catches my eye.
“How are you doing, Eddie?”
“Mac. I don’t go by Eddie anymore.” I’m not that same scared kid.
She nods. “How are you doing, Mac?”
Rainn rests his hand on my chair. Casual. But I can feel his fingers on my neck. “I’m doing well, thanks. Are you enjoying the gala?”
“Very much. Roz is amazing. How did you all get such a big star?”
I glance at Rainn to let him take this one. He smiles. “She came to us.”
Everything is going perfectly. Well, not perfectly. Couples are dancing, and I can’t dance with my husband, although I’m tempted to suggest it. I am so tired of pretending.
The crowd around our table shifts like a force is coming through. Rainn tenses, and I know even before I look.
“What the hell is going on here?” The sheriff’s bulldog face is bright red, but his eyes are dark and menacing.
My heart hammers as my body goes on high alert. Blood whooshes through my head and my fingers tingle. I fight the urge to throw up.
I take deep breaths. Rainn needs me not to panic. And then it hits me. The last time I felt this way was at Rainn’s wedding. His dad ranting at Zye and threatening violence. Holy cow. That’s the reason for my nightmares and being jittery all the time. It’s called hyperarousal. I’m studying this crap. I should have realized.
And it had nothing to do with Rainn marrying Cher. Or waking up married. Or being confused about what I wanted. Those things might have contributed. But it was the hate on the sheriff’s face. The uncontrollable rage. It put me right back into my childhood. My dad drinking. The screaming and yelling. And then, at nine, being so afraid my dad would turn physical that I grabbed his arm to protect my mom. He shook me off, and I fell. I tried to catch myself, but broken glass littered the floor.
Seventeen stitches.
“Mac? Are you okay?” Rainn’s voice sounds far away. Like he’s in a tunnel. I shake my head. Not okay. He grabs my hand, and I focus on his touch. And the things around me. The worry in his blue eyes. The feel of his thumb on my palm. The sound of Hettie shrieking.
Rainn moves suddenly, and I realize the sheriff is trying to drag Hettie away. I blink to regain my focus.
“Let her go, Frank.”
Hettie pulls out of his grasp and steps away from him. Sheriff Harding glares at Belinda. “He needs to stop being ridiculous.” He points a finger at Hettie. “What if someone recognizes our son?”
“As you said. She is no longer our son.”
He places his hands on his hips. “Finally.”
“Hettie is our daughter. And whether you accept that or not is your problem.”
His face darkens, and he glares at Hettie. “I’m still your father in the eyes of the law. If you don’t do what I say, I can and will make your life miserable.”
Hettie scoffs. “As if life with you hasn’t already been miserable.”
“I agree with Hettie.” Belinda stands between him and Hettie. “I’m done, Frank.”
“How can you say that? This is just a phase he’s going through.”
“It’s really not, Dad.” I rest my hand on Rainn’s arm. Hettie has Belinda. And she can take care of herself.
She turns her back on her father and marches over to where Cher is talking to the DJ. Rainn follows her, and I hurry to catch up.
“Can I thank everyone for coming?” she asks Cher.
“Are you sure?”
“No one believes me when I say I’m done hiding.”
Rainn touches her hand. “We believe you. But there’s a difference between coming out to your family, which is hard enough. Or to your town. We’re streaming, Hettie. I’m worried you’ll get hurt.”
“And you’re very good at that.”
His brows knit together, and she laughs. “Worrying, big brother.”
Then Hettie kisses Rainn’s cheek. “Thank you.” Then she takes the stage, and I pull Rainn back to the table.
“I want to thank everyone for being here tonight. This means so much to me.” She bites her lip and clasps her hands in front of her. “I was born Henry James Harding. But that’s not who I am. So, let me introduce myself properly. My name is Henrietta. Hettie, for short. And Rainn is the best big brother a girl can have. I’m so excited we’re here tonight, helping all the trans kids who might not be as lucky as I am to have such a great big brother and a somewhat supportive family. I also have some not-so-supportive family members, but I don’t need them in my life.” Several people glance at the sheriff. “And they’re not worth talking about, so let’s all enjoy ourselves and raise lots of money so kids get the help they need instead of the hate they don’t. Thank you again for being here.”
As Hettie leaves the stage, the audience cheers for her. Most are smiling or crying. Zye dabs at his glittery makeup. Hal and Joy are both beaming and sobbing. Belinda claps with tears streaming down her face.
The sheriff clenches his hands, his nostrils flaring, and I’m glad they have security for the event. Is this going to turn out like the wedding?
I can’t look at him anymore, but as I turn away, I notice my parents staring from Hettie to the sheriff, confusion written all over their faces.
But Hettie did it. She was so brave. And I’m still so terrified.
All my life, I’ve been afraid. During the bad times. And the good. What’s the point? Before the sheriff showed up, I hoped I’d be brave enough to dance with Rainn and kiss him at midnight. But now it doesn’t seem like it’ll be enough. What if Rainn doesn’t understand what I want. Or believe me. What if my parents think dancing with my best friend is normal? Which, just saying, it should be.
This is my chance. I can’t waste it on a gesture that might not be enough. That might be misunderstood. Rainn needs to understand how much I want to be with him.
Like Hettie, I need to go big.
My stomach is not on board with this plan. But I tell it to stand down. I’m not wimping out.
As Hettie steps off the makeshift stage, she’s greeted with hugs. Rainn and I make our way through the small crowd. He hugs his sister. And I’m unsure what he says because my nerves are back on high alert. What’s after red. Purple? Black?
When it’s my turn to hug her, I wrap my arms around her and ignore the tears on my face. Cowboys can cry. “Hettie, you were so brave. I want to be like you someday.”
She laughs. “Thanks, Mac.”
“How about today? Today is good.”
“What?” She gives me a confused smile.
I wink. “Wish me luck.”
Her hands rush to her mouth, and she stares from me to Rainn.
“Um, Mac?”
I ignore my best friend. And that might be a first. But I don’t want him to try to talk me out of it. I’m on the steps when a hand—Rainn. I’d know that hand anywhere—grabs my arm.
“Mac, what you doing?”
“Me?” I smile, trying to put him at ease. Which is hard because I’m a nervous wreck. I shrug. “Just proving a point.”
He grabs my hands and holds them in his. “What point, Mac?”
“Sometimes love is enough.”