Chapter 7
Thought of the day…
At times you will be blindsided by a memory – ride out the pain, then move on.
(Or go ahead and torture yourself because, let’s be honest, sometimes it feels good to wallow.)
Minh arrived shortly after, camera at the ready, and Tommy at least had the courtesy to step away.
There were two set-ups I particularly liked – one of me facing the view and sipping my cocktail with the dishy bartender in the background looking on (a drawcard by himself), and the second taken from the other side of the bar with me in the foreground against the backdrop of that incredible sunset.
Both would be perfect for the Divorced Diva socials, but I’d let Maya choose which to feature once we got the go-ahead from Niki.
‘I think that’s all we need, Ally,’ said Niki. She watched over Minh’s shoulder as he swiped through the shots on the camera screen, then lifted her head and flashed me a smile. ‘Yep, all good.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, returning the smile.
‘She’s all yours, Tom,’ Niki called out, and I dropped the smile.
Tommy had been lurking down the end of the bar sipping Mythos from a bottle and the second Niki and Minh excused themselves, he wandered over.
He was taking his time and I contemplated making a run for it, but I was wearing wedges.
Not only would he catch me without much effort, I was at a boutique resort on a tiny island – where would I even go?
Besides, part of me was curious about what he had to say. Okay, okay, I desperately wanted to know. Though my plan was to pretend I didn’t.
Tommy took the stool that Niki had just vacated and rather than acknowledge his presence, I stared out at the view and sipped my cocktail.
Immature? Definitely. Warranted? Definitely not. But you have to understand, this was me in self-preservation mode.
‘It’s quite something, isn’t it?’ he asked.
Now, there’s pretending nonchalance to make a point and there’s just plain rudeness. As I pride myself on having good manners, I answered.
‘It’s stunning. I can’t remember the last time I simply sat and watched a sunset.’
‘Remember that sunset on Santor—’ He cut himself off, but it was too late. My head jerked involuntarily in his direction, my mouth agape.
The only other time I’d been to the Cyclades Islands was with Tommy – to Santorini for our honeymoon. It was only four nights but even so, we could never have afforded it ourselves. It had been a gift from his parents – his parents who, for several years, I’d called Mum and Dad.
Oof. Thinking about Tommy’s parents was like pressing on a bruise that had never quite healed.
‘Sorry,’ he said sheepishly, not meeting my eye.
But what exactly was he apologising for? Dredging up one of the happiest memories of my life?
‘Oia,’ I replied – the name of the town on the tip of Santorini’s caldera where we and hundreds of others had watched, awestruck, as the sun sank into the Aegean, drenching us all in golden light.
I’d sat on a step right in front of Tommy, ensconced between his strong thighs, my hands resting on his knees and his chin on my head.
I’d felt safe and madly in love. Perhaps the happiest I’d ever been in my entire life.
The chatter of a dozen languages buzzed about us excitedly.
‘Aria on Air’ played on a portable speaker and someone was strumming a guitar.
At one point, the guitarist caught on and played along to the music.
‘I love you, Ally.’ Tommy’s deep, resonant voice in my ear had given me chills and I’d spun around and looked up at him.
He was bathed in pinkish, golden light – as if it was emanating from within – and my breath had caught in my throat, tears prickling my eyes.
In that moment, he was the most beautiful being I’d ever encountered and my love for him threatened to spill out of me, cascade down the steep incline, and wash away everyone between me and the sea.
I cleared my throat and took another sip of my cocktail. Tears threatened – that’s how intense the memory was – and I blinked them away.
‘It’s a beautiful island, Santorini,’ I said, finding my voice.
‘Yes.’
We were quiet for some time and I wondered if, like me, Tommy was torturing himself with the bittersweet memories of happier times.
‘So,’ I said when I regained my composure. ‘You had something important to tell me.’
He cleared his throat, as though he wasn’t sure where to start. ‘I do,’ he said finally. ‘And it’s not… easy.’
I swallowed hard, my eyes locked on his as he wrestled with his thoughts.
This is it. The moment Tommy confessed he’d missed me all these years, that letting me go was the biggest mistake of his life.
‘It’s about Aeth—’
‘Good evening, beautiful,’ said Julian, appearing out of nowhere. He came in for a cheek kiss and Tommy bristled.
Jealousy? Hah – doubtful! He wasn’t baring his soul – this was about the island.
‘Hello, Tom.’ Julian reached out and they shook hands, Tommy returning Julian’s warm smile with a terse facsimile.
I looked between them, a niggling thought twisting in my gut. Had Tommy known that Julian was my ex-husband before Julian introduced us?
I hadn’t hidden my marriage to Julian from Tommy (of course not), but he and I weren’t in contact much during that time and when we were, we didn’t discuss Julian.
No, I concluded. Being stuck between a rock and a hard place – or a rocky marriage and a hard one – was pure coincidence. A nightmare that only bad luck could have conjured.
Both watched me expectantly and, for a moment, I was torn. Stay with hubby number one to find out what was behind the Secret Squirrel stuff or off to dinner with number three to return a ￡1000 bangle?
That long soak in a hot bath was looking better and better.
Excuse me, husbands, but I have a prior engagement with some bath salts and a fabulous little sex toy called the Oblisserator.
‘Jules, I’m just about finished,’ I said instead, holding up my nearly drunk cocktail. ‘Shall I meet you at the restaurant in a few minutes?’
I could tell Julian knew he was being dismissed, which he would hate, but after a brief narrow-eyed stare, he broke into a magnanimous smile.
‘Oh course, darling. And I hope you’re hungry. Dimitra’s planned a wonderful chef’s dinner for the two of us.’
That part was obviously for Tommy’s benefit. He might as well have screamed, You’re not invited, Tom! And last night, he’d called Tommy a top bloke.
What the fuck is going on with these two?
With a curt nod at Tommy, Julian left, and I watched as he greeted a couple who were sipping drinks and enjoying the sunset. No doubt ‘friends’ of his who’d happily accepted a free holiday in exchange for some promo shots.
‘Do you think he knows?’ Tommy asked, his voice low.
I whipped around, pinning Tommy with a pointed look. ‘Whatever this mystery is you want to divulge? No, I don’t think Julian knows. And neither do I – which means my patience is starting to wear thin.’
‘Wear th— I only just brought it up, what, an hour ago?’
‘Via email, Tommy. And it wasn’t just then, was it? No, you also mentioned it while we were at sea.’
My voice was getting louder and he shushed me harshly, which is a massive button pusher for me, something Tommy was well aware of. Though he was right to shush me, as the bartender was looking over and if he thought something was up, he might tell Julian and…
Argh!
I took in a deep breath to refocus.
‘Look, I’ve got to go and meet Julian for dinner – just tell me.’
Tommy stared at me intensely. And you need to understand that looking into those dark-brown eyes was like stepping into the void. It’s extremely difficult to save yourself, and you’re not sure if you want to.
‘That’s not what I meant,’ he said cryptically.
‘You need to come with built-in decryption, Tommy,’ I replied. ‘What’s not what you meant?’
‘I’m asking if you think Julian knows we were once married.’
By this stage, our foreheads were practically touching, and I sat back, then downed the rest of my drink.
‘I have no fucking idea, but let’s hope not,’ I said through my toothy-for-appearances smile. I placed the glass on the bar and mouthed delicious at the bartender, who – annoyingly – was still watching me and Tommy.
‘In truth,’ I said to Tommy, dropping the faux smile, ‘it’s unlikely.
Julian has his good qualities but he is a Grade A narcissist. He never once asked about you when we were married – or Rick, for that matter.
As far as Julian was concerned, neither of the husbands I had before him were worth mentioning, because they’d both been superseded.
By him. I doubt he even remembers I was married to a bloke called Tommy, let alone drawing a line between that man with you.
But more to the point, Tom…’ I began, leaning in again, ‘before he introduced us last night, did you know about him?’
Something flickered in Tommy’s eyes and I knew. He had made the connection.
‘I thought as much,’ I said, sliding off my stool.
I really didn’t know what to do with that information – what implications it might have – but I knew I wanted out of there. So, jumping from the frying pan into the fire, I strode off to have dinner with Julian.
‘Everything all right?’ he asked, standing as I approached the table.
It was in prime position with an uninterrupted view, and I paused to take it in.
The sky was darker now, inky blue, and across the water, the lights of Naxos twinkled.
It truly was beautiful. And if I’d been on Aetheria for any other collaboration, one that wasn’t tainted by two of my exes, I would have been in heaven.
But this was not heaven. This was hell with good lighting and a decent soundtrack.
‘Oh yes, all good,’ I answered, flashing a bright smile. ‘Just discussing the sailing trip,’ I lied. ‘It’s a terrific excursion, Jules. Every guest will be desperate to get a spot. You’re onto a winner there.’
I was rambling. And I’m not a rambler.
Unsurprisingly, Julian gave me a funny look.
‘Allow me,’ he said after a brief pause.