Chapter 34 Emery
EMERY
A panicked breath escapes me as I try to jerk from his hold and see to his wound. Cameron only firms his grip around me and doesn’t let go as I thrash in his arms.
“You’re hurt! Cameron, let go… Cam, let go!” I cry into his shoulder before letting my entire body go slack. He cradles me against his chest and buries his face into the crook of my neck.
“I’m okay.” His voice is low.
He isn’t though. He’s the furthest thing from okay, and apparently so am I.
A sob tears from my throat and shakes my shoulders.
“Shhh. It’s okay, baby. I’m here. You’re going to be okay.” He struggles to his feet with me in his arms and starts carrying me back to the hangar.
Against my best judgment, I look to the field once more to see my fallen comrades. Only to find them gone. Not a speck of blood, torn flesh, or decapitated head.
My fingers curl into Cameron’s shirt.
“I-I thought I—” I stare emptily into the dark night. “What happened?” I look at him with desperate eyes.
He glances down at me, looking more tired than I’ve seen him. “I gave you the final injection.”
My brows pinch together and I lift my hand to my neck. A small pinprick is there. Is that what I felt right before I saw Bree? I swallow the knot in my throat. At least I’m not completely losing my mind. I’m relieved it was the drug’s effect and not something more concerning. I let out a long sigh.
“Will it work? Am I okay now?”
Cameron whispers gently, “You’re safe and we’ll have to wait and see, but I have you. Everything is going to be okay.”
He carries me past the guards who are huddled at the office, watching with judging, worried eyes as Cameron takes me upstairs instead of back into the basement.
I’m too tired to ask why, so I don’t. I have much bigger problems dancing like demons in my head right now.
He sets me down and stands again, staring down at me with apprehension.
“I’ll be right back, okay? I need to have this stitched up.
I’ll come back to be with you as soon as I can, okay?
” He brushes my hair back before wearily turning and leaving.
I see the long cut down his shoulder blade and it makes my chest lurch as the door closes behind him.
I flinch at the chilling sound and recede into myself as I inspect the large, dark-domed room.
“Well, you certainly almost caused your own undoing.”
The hairs on the back of my neck rise at the sound of Reed’s voice. I find him standing at one of the floor-to-ceiling windows, hands clasped properly behind his back.
I don’t even care that he’s here right now. All I can manage is a half-choked sob and walk straight into his tight embrace.
He chuckles at my emotions—he’s always had trouble finding empathy for anything, even when it comes to me.
“Be grateful that Mori was able to talk the guards into letting him retrieve you without waking up Belerik. I’m honestly not sure what the lieutenant would’ve done to you, this close to him thinking that he’s getting his empire. ”
“What did I do?” I ask into his chest. “Is my squad alive?” I say the latter with a pained tone. The things I saw were so vivid, I don’t know if the vacant field I saw after leaving was real or not. Goose bumps ripple down my arms at the memory.
Reed smooths my hair back before pulling away and patting the top of my head.
“You quite literally lost your shit is what happened. And yes, they’re all asleep downstairs.
” I shove him back for his mocking tone.
He grins wickedly and I smack his chest for it.
“There, see? You’re right as rain now,” he says a little too cheerfully.
I drag my sleeve across my face and take a centering breath.
“I just had the craziest experience of my life, and it was all in my fucking head, Reed. I wouldn’t call that right as rain.
” My teeth dig into my lower lip. “And I think I slashed Cameron’s back.
” The rasp in my throat means my screams were all too real.
“Oh you definitely cut him. It was romantic, honestly. Him trying to get you out of your hysteria. I watched the whole thing from up here—”
“Reed!” I snap at him and rage-filled tears brim.
He lifts his hands innocently. “All right, all right. I’m just trying to lighten the mood.
I don’t know what you want me to say. You lost your shit after he gave you the last shot that Nolan had sent with Erik.
He called me earlier and I verified that it should be enough to save you.
I guess only time will tell, though.” He lifts a shoulder like it’s as easy as that.
“I wanted to be here just in case things got really hairy, but he was able to reach you rather quickly, so I got to watch and take notes instead.”
My gaze falls to my hands. They’re red and covered in dirt. Is this how Cam felt when he woke up in the last trial? Except he was met with my still body and the knowledge that he may have killed me. It’s the worst experience anyone could go through.
It’s worse than death. The guilt he must’ve felt is unimaginable.
“I can’t believe I attacked him,” I mutter numbly as I press my back to the brick wall and let myself slide to the floor and pull my knees to my chest. I feel so empty and completely drained.
Reed stares at me for a long time before he shakes his head, at a fleeting thought, perhaps. He removes his jacket and places it over my shoulders before lowering to the floor to sit beside me. “Jesus, you make it sound like you actually hurt him.”
I press my nose to the jacket and inhale his scent. It smells like my childhood. It smells like old pages of our late nights studying and having discussions of the wretched world that Reed and me would someday inherit.
“I did, Reed. Even if he can’t feel it, he’s human. Unlike you,” I mumble. Reed nudges his foot against mine, drawing my eyes to his muddy combat boots. They look exactly like the ones that the Dark Forces issue to their soldiers.
“Shut up.” His gaze stays focused on the dark of the domed room.
We lean against each other and listen to the rain start to trickle against the metal roof. I want to ask him what he’s really planning, but I know it will be futile, so I shut my eyes and rest.
After the minutes flutter by, he sets his hand over mine. It’s cold. His hands are always cold.
I look at him. His dark eyes are hooded, weariness pulls at his features. “You’re going to be okay.” His voice is just above a whisper.
I chuckle. “You make it sound like you have it all figured out.”
“That’s impossible to do, but I know that Nolan’s worked out most of the kinks with this drug, so you should be fine. If not, then I was wrong.”
A sleepy grin pulls at my lips as my head falls to his shoulder. “You wouldn’t even be sad?”
Reed lets his head rest on top of mine. “You know I have a hard time with the emotional stuff… I wouldn’t be happy, let’s leave it at that.”
I laugh softly. “Did you find Cameron that day on the farm just in hopes of getting the drug?”
“Mm-hmm. He caught my eye when he started them and didn’t die like everyone else. Then as time went on I decided I wanted a sample to make our own, to sell of course. But Emery, would you agree that a drug like this needs to be kept hidden?”
His tone is implying and his question is leading. I know he’s been building up to this. I just don’t know why yet. Of course my answer is: “Yes.”
“Good, I knew you’d see it the way I do.”
“You feel like telling me your secret yet? Or how you’re so entwined in the Dark Forces?” My voice is like a lost wisp in the dark.
His breaths are slow and thoughtful. “Where is the fun in that?”
“Are you a soldier?” I ask coldly, trying to figure him out.
Reed’s shoulders shake with a stunted laugh. “Do you really want to know?”
The stairs leading up creak. We both lift our heads as Cameron slips back inside. He’s wearing a black sweatshirt with his hood pulled up, a few locks of his pale blond hair spread over his forehead. He has an armful of blankets and one pillow.
Reed pats my leg. “That’s my cue.” Then he stands and nods at Cameron on his way out. I watch as he leaves and shuts the door behind him. Was he actually going to tell me something or was he stringing me along again? I decide I’m too tired to linger on it.
Cameron kneels in front of me and sets down the supplies he brought up. I shrink into myself, guilt weaving into me. I can’t even bring myself to meet his eyes.
He senses my gloomy mood and sighs with a torn smile, moving to spread out blankets and creating a makeshift bed. My hesitance starts to melt away layer by layer as I watch him pull his hoodie off, revealing his bandaged shoulder. A red stain lies beneath the wrapping.
He turns his back to me as he finishes up preparing the bed.
My eyes study the scar on his opposite shoulder blade, where he protected me from the knife Wraith intended to kill me with in the first trial.
The deep red of it and length make it look like he once had wings. A fallen angel, sworn to the dark.
I stand and close the distance between us. He hears me, only indicating so by stilling and slowly turning his head enough to see me in his peripherals.
My fingers gently lower to his scar, and I trace it with the pad of my index finger. A shudder moves through him as I smooth my hand over his shoulder. He reaches up and holds my wrist, bringing his soft lips to my reddened knuckles.
“I’m so sorry, Cam,” I whisper, letting my eyes fall on his freshly bandaged shoulder.
He doesn’t respond with words, he only presses another kiss to my wrist, then one to the back of my hand. I lower to my knees and wrap my arms around his shoulders. The warmth of his back seeps through my shirt and bleeds into my soul.
“I’d take your blade a thousand times, Em. If it means you get to be here with me.” He shifts and guides me down to the blankets, laying me on my back and perching each of his hands to either side of my head.
My heart trembles. “I don’t want to hurt you, Cam. Ever.”
He offers me a wry smile that seems more tired than playful as he brushes my bangs from my forehead and lets his fingers dally around the scar he gave me.
“I will never bring harm to you again,” he promises, bringing his nose down to mine and staring into my eyes. My chest warms and I suck in a sharp breath.
The weight of the universe lingers in his gaze. I can tell he had to take a second dose of pills in the way that his limbs are trembling, needing to exert the adrenaline. My veins buzz everywhere our skin touches.
He picks up on my shortened breaths and wandering eyes as I take in every corded muscle packed into his chest. The arteries in his neck protrude, only slightly covered with all his tattoos.
The forest that wraps around his neck, the leaves that dance along his collarbones, and the one that conceals the scar his mother left him with.
I lean up and kiss the side of his neck.
That’s all it takes for him to crumble into me, wrapping his arms protectively around me like he can shield me from everything wrong in the world.
Cameron’s fingers thread through my hair, and he breathes in my scent with an anguished whisper escaping his lips.
“I thought I lost you tonight, Emery.” His gaze is filled with misery.
His skin pebbles to the cold air as my hands trail over his bare back. “I didn’t realize how bad the hallucinations were with the final injection. I thought I killed everyone on the squad… Then I thought you did.” I swallow the dry lump in my throat.
He presses his forehead to mine, our breaths mingling as he tucks me into his chest and drapes the blanket over me. “They can be horrible,” he admits.
“I’m—”
Cameron kisses me and steals the words from my lips. “No more apologies. Let’s get some sleep, okay? You’ll feel much better in the morning and can go back to being your cheeky self.” His grin with that light British accent is impossibly contagious.
I smile and snuggle into his neck. “Cam?”
“Yeah?” His woodsy scent curls with his graveled tone.
“Do you think we’ll live short lives because of the death pills? You know, considering we actually pull off escaping.”
He hums with thought. “I don’t know. But you know what?”
“What?” My eyes are shut, drowsy and lulled by his perfect voice.
His chuckle rumbles through my chest. “Even if our lives are shorter, I’m going to live every single one of them with you, Em. I love you. I yearn for you even in my dreams.” He kisses my forehead, holding me tightly. I’ve never fallen into a deeper sleep.