Chapter Eleven
Ava Anderson
I sit at the dining table as I play with the glass of wine. I run my hands over the rim of the glass while my mind is occupied with one thing. One person, rather.
Wade.
I remember how he had lashed out at one of the police officers after the bomb explosion and it surprised me. I had never seen him lose control of his emotions that way. I had never seen him that pissed. It warms my heart to know that he was only that angry because I could have been the one in that car. It could have been mine and DJ’s bodies that were burnt severely. And, I feel guilty that I had caused the death of even more people again. First, it was Lynn, then Janet and the others and now, one of Wade’s men as well.
Just how many people were going to lose their lives because of this person? Just when will this ever end?
I wrap my hands over my arms, just to feel secure one way or another. One of the policemen is in the living room, watching over me but I still don’t feel safe. Wade isn’t here and without him, I feel like the littlest thing can harm me. I don’t know how or when I got so attached and used to his presence that I feel…empty without him here.
It’s funny how, just a few weeks ago, I had dreaded being stuck in the same place with him but now, all I long for is for him to hold me tightly throughout the night and comfort me. His presence, his words, and his easygoing smile which he shows more of now is all imprinted in my memory. It is the one thing that is consoling to me right now. He had promised he’d be back but it’s been over two hours since he left. I have no idea where he went. He had never gone out like that, in the middle of the night. And from his face, he looked like he was still upset.
I know he wouldn’t take his anger out on me, but I want to be there to help him ease his frustration. Just as much as I have lost sense of my life and daily routines since all these started, so has he. It isn’t easy for one to give up one’s home and environs and move somewhere else with the sole purpose of protecting another. That may be the line of his job but still, it is not as pleasing as it may look. I turn my eyes to my phone which is perched up against the vase at the center of the table. DJ is sleeping soundly in his bed, without a worry in the world.
He had cried so hard and finally fell asleep in my arms, refusing to let me go even for a second. The shock of the explosion is still present, and I am not sure how long it will take before we can get over it. Any of this.
“Ma’am, it’s been a long day. Why don’t you head to sleep now?” the policeman suggests gently, and I smile at his caring words .
“I’m fine. I would only toss and turn in there.” I mutter and he nods understandingly.
“I will head out for the routine check around the house.” he says and gets up from the sofa to leave.
Just then, the door opens and Wade walks in. He thanks the policeman for watching over me and hangs his coat up before moving to sit next to me at the dining table.
“You’re awake.” he says. His face is strained, and I can see that he is exhausted. He had been all and about ever since the explosion, ensuring that nothing threatening remained close to me.
“I told you I would wait.” I grabbed the other glass I had set on the table before pouring him wine.
“You took quite some time.” I say before sipping the wine.
“Yes, I had things to take care of.” he nods and merely swirls the liquid.
“Those things. Are they related to me?” I ask and then realize how stupid I must have sounded. Everything he does doesn’t have to be about me. He had a life before me, and he will return to it once this case is closed.
“Everything is about you now.” he mutters with a small smile. “I asked for a favor from an old friend, and he helped me track down the mechanic who planted the bomb in the car.”
“And what did you do to him?” I ask, my eyes going to the bruise on his knuckles .
“I handed him over to the police.” he answers. “After redecorating his face a bit.” He winks at me, and I can’t help but burst out laughing. I must be stupid, laughing when I just narrowly escaped death today, but I can’t help it. Wade watches me laugh and I finally calm down, clearing the tears from the corner of my eyes.
“Oh, how I wish I was there. I would have landed a few jabs of my own.” I place my fist in the air and swing.
“Oh? So, the delicate swan can throw a punch or two.” Wade says, looking impressed.
“When you grow up in the country, there are some things that you just have to pick up on your own.” I flipped my hair over my shoulder sassily.
“What else did you pick up from the country?” Wade rests his elbows on the table and leans towards me.
“Line dancing, the right way to milk a cow. Oh! And to never try to catch a chicken in the rain. It’s horrible.” I roll my eyes and he burst out laughing which makes me smile.
“How are you feeling?” I caress his hands and he looks down with a sigh.
“Like tearing that bastard apart but I cannot do that which only makes me even angrier. What about you?”
“I…don’t know.” I reply honestly, unable to find the right word to place how I am feeling at the moment .
We remain silent now, leaving each one of us to our thoughts and our raging emotions. Wade occasionally turns his eyes to me, and our eyes meet but we never say anything, simply content with each other’s presence.
Little droplets begin to fall on the roof and in no time, the wind picks up as the rain gets heavier. I refill my glass, wanting the alcohol to seep into my veins so I can feel warm from within.
Sitting like this, side by side, as we both sip from our glasses, reminds me of the first time we met at the bar. When we were both high on our feelings, each of us willing to let ourselves go for the night, not knowing fate would eventually intertwine us here, in a much more complicated and life-threatening situation.
“This reminds me of that night.” Wade says and I smile, happy that his thoughts aligned with mine.
“I was just thinking the same thing.”
“You looked breathtaking then, just as you do now.” he compliments me with such a straight face that I find it hard to respond.
“I wanted to let go of myself that night. I wanted to erase the fact that I was a single mom, with the responsibility of my son on my head. I just wanted to forget. And you helped with that.”
“Then, why did you run away the next morning?” he asks bluntly, and I close my eyes with a sigh. I had been anticipating this question ever since we first met the night Lynn was murdered.
So much time had passed without us talking about that night that I thought, I hoped, he had somehow forgotten about our history together .
“I—”
“No.” Wade shakes his head. “I do not want any excuses, nor do I want you to brush this off, Ava. Tell me the truth. Why did you leave me that day?”
I look at his eyes which are begging for me to give him what he wants to hear. Guilt compounds my chest one more time and I have the sudden urge to run away from him once again.
But I don’t. Because I know that one day or another, I will have to face this. If I want our relationship to go any further.
“You helped me forget who I was that night. Embraced in your warm arms on that cold night, I felt comforted. But when I woke up the next morning, and the sunlight shone down on me, who I truly am was revealed to me and I couldn’t take it. I had to leave because I felt—” I whimper a bit as tears leave my eyes.
Wade tightens his grip on my hand as a sign that he is with me.
“That night wasn’t just a one-night stand for me, Wade. Right from the moment we met in the bar, I felt something with you, and I knew I didn’t have the courage to face all that again.” I sniff.
“After DJ’s father left us, no, abandoned us, the way he did, I had no more space or energy to let someone in. I just didn’t want to be heartbroken again. I just didn’t want to pick up the broken pieces and fix them all by myself again.” I wipe my tears and let out a shaky breath.
Telling him this is harder than I thought it would be. Maybe I do love him more than I expected .
“So, I ran away without a word because I didn’t want it to turn into something else. Because I knew it would turn into something more.”
“Now, look where life has brought us.” Wade snickers and I giggled against my will.
“Karma is a real pain in the ass.” I shake my head.
“I want you to know that I really do understand how you must have felt. And I don’t judge you for that. Rather, I respect you for opening up and telling me the truth.” Wade pats my hand. “Although I think running away has really gotten you nowhere, you did what you had to do then. For yourself and for your son. And that is what you should always do.”
“Thank you so much.” I sucked in a deep breath.
Wade pulls me closer. Our lips touch slightly, and my body gets warm from his touch. I wrap my hand around his shoulders as we deepen the kiss, his tongue going into my mouth and eliciting a moan from me.
The rain continues to fall throughout the night, and I am able to sleep well, with the comfort that I am safe as long as I am with Wade.