The next few days are like a cold shower
My contact with my boss is limited to exchanging a few business-like utterances.
We mostly communicate via e-mail because that’s what Jan wants.
Occasionally he mumbles something under his breath as he walks past my desk, spreading the scent of his expensive cologne.
I wonder if he doesn’t happen to have some problems with his speech box.
“Please don’t use emoticons in e-mails,” he grunts rudely, passing my station. He doesn’t even, damn him, stop and look in my direction.
Pompous jerk.
You say emojis, you halfwit. They are cute and sweet and should be called emojis, not EMOTICONS!
“Do you have any specific ones in mind?” I call out after him.
“All of them. Concentrate on the content. Emoticons knock you out of the rhythm, and I have no desire to read such messages.”
And I feel like knocking your teeth out, how about that? Then at least you’ll have a really serious reason not to smile, you fucking stuffed shirt.
I glance at the e-mail I was just about to send him.
To: Jan Engler
Subject: Report for Unirem
Good morning! :)
Attached, please find the report. I managed to finish it before the deadline, although I’ll admit that the analysis of the profitability of their new acoustic beacon investment has fried my brain and I think I’ll have to take a day off :P ;)
The topic is of little interest to me, but profitable for the customer.
My analysis and preliminary data indicate that the innovative solution for low-power consumption, dust and water resistance of ecoLEDs, although costly, is cost-effective and highly competitive.
I estimate the projected return on investment at one year and two months :D More information in the report itself.
Have a nice day :)
Maria
I sigh, delete all the smileys, rephrase the message and remove the final ‘have a nice day’.
I don’t wish him a nice day at all. I wish that he gets diarrhea and expels the broomstick that’s obviously pushing from the inside against his anus.
I don’t know why I thought that perhaps the relaxed tone of the message would bring some friendliness to my correspondence with Jan.
I was wrong. As of today, I’m not going to try to be nice to him anymore.
To: Jan Engler
Subject: Report for Unirem
You will find the report attached. I completed it ahead of schedule.
The analysis and preliminary data indicate that the innovative solution for low-power consumption, dust resistance and water resistance of eco-LEDs, although costly, is cost-effective and highly competitive.
I estimate the projected return on investment at one year and two months.
For more information, see the report itself.
I plan to take the day off tomorrow.
Maria
I send the e-mail and get ready for a smoke.
I decide that from now on, I’ll match Jan’s aloofness toward me.
He’s my boss, I don’t need to have a warm relationship with him.
I’m content with Olga and Agata, with whom I have enjoyable coffee conversations, as well as the people I spend cigarette breaks with.
I grab my jacket from the hanger, take the elevator down to the first floor and step outside. A gust of wind gives me goosebumps. At least it’s not snowing.
I go behind the elevator to hide from the cold and surveillance cameras, and see that the regular smokers are already there: Monika, Tom and…
Well, well, well, lookee here, and who is that?
Quite a good-looking guy. I’m seeing him for the first time and I have to admit that he’s quite easy on the eyes.
My type. Dark blond hair, lumberjack-like beard, cheerful amber eyes, a wide playful smile, worn-out jeans, leather jacket.
He radiates positive energy, which I love in people, especially guys.
The total opposite of Jan, who with his stiffness could even embarrass a corpse.
Jeez, why am I even thinking about him? After all, I’m on a break!
“How is this wonderful day going for you, finance girl?” Monika greets me in a sing-song tone.
“As usual. Boring.” I take a pack of stogies out of my pocket. “My boss is a rare case of a boor.”
“If I were your boss, I certainly wouldn’t let you get bored.” The newcomer walks up to me, fires up a silver lighter and extends it in my direction.
I lean over with a cigarette in my mouth, and when the white paper catches the flame, I raise my eyes and meet his playful gaze. Gosh, Newbie’s eyes up close really look amber.
“If you were my boss, I would quit right away.” I take a drag on my cigarette, then let the smoke rise.
“Really? Why?” He stares at me, smiling still.
“Good old fraternizing.”
I can see he doesn’t seem to get it.
“Because the company’s regulations forbid dating coworkers and supervisors,” I clarify.
Monika and Tom let out a prolonged “woo… !” sound and Newbie’s eyes sparkle. He extends his hand to me.
“I’m Karol. What are you doing tonight?”
“Maria.” I shake his hand. “Going to a Mexican place for dinner.”
“Cancel it.”
“Can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because you can’t cancel something that hasn’t been booked yet.” I tilt my head, shooting him a provocative smile.
Karol laughs.
“Eight o’clock is OK with you?” he asks.
“Excellent.”
“Then we’re set.”
*
Dinner—a five. Drink at his house—a four. Sex—a three point two.
But, after all, one does not live by sex alone, right?
Karol is funny, uncomplicated and likes to have fun.
A twenty-eight-year-old boy, who plays PlayStation, eats dinners at his mother’s, pays the loan for the apartment, has a cleaning lady, doesn’t particularly care about his appearance and likes clubbing on Saturdays.
It’s nothing serious, and that’s fine, that’s how it’s supposed to be.
I’m not in a hurry to rush to the altar, God forbid.
I don’t even think about children. Honestly, I’m not fit to be a mother.
I think I’m too self-centered. My life is a mess, both professionally and personally.
I have to put it in order first before I can even think about any stable relationships.
I’m four years out of college and, already in the first year of my career, I realized that choosing the ‘finance and banking’ major was one of the worst life decisions I made.
All in all, I wasted nine years on something that totally doesn’t interest me.
And although I’m damn good at what I do, I don’t get any satisfaction from my work.
Every morning when I stand in front of the mirror, I feel like giving myself a slap for betraying myself.
But I have no choice. I have to somehow pay my rent and utilities, have money to live on and finally save enough cash to start my own business.
I hate that after work I can’t find time to develop my passion.
And so I wonder if this business idea of mine even makes sense.
Because what sane person is going to wait three months to renovate an old ‘granny’ dresser they inherited when you can buy a new dresser for three hundred on the spot?
So what if it will fall apart after a year; it’s nice, fashionable, and cheap.
And the old ‘granny’ dresser is good only for the fucking trash.
Currently, I have to settle for what life has offered me.
I shouldn’t complain. I have a well-paid job (with a fucked-up boss), great friends from my high school days (who have also been complaining lately about a lack of time), healthy parents (who think I’m a total screw-up) and a new boyfriend (who is convinced that when he comes, I come too)—but as I mentioned, one does not live by sex alone.
The important thing is that I feel comfortable with Karol, I don’t have to tense up or worry that I’ll say or do something stupid because, in our relationship, he is the less intelligent one.
We see each other twice a week, mostly on weekends.
Not more often because for the past two months, which is since I started working in a fucking corporation, I’ve been running like a gerbil on a wheel for twelve hours a day.
After leaving work, all I dream of is to numb myself with wine (and chips), de-stress with a movie (preferably a romantic comedy), then go to bed and get a decent night’s sleep (alone!).
Sometimes, when Jan graciously allows me to leave the office before six, I meet with Karol in the city to grab a bite, go see a movie or go bowling, and then spend the night at his place.
“I don’t understand why you don’t want us to go in together,” says Karol after I let go of his hand as we get closer to the company.
“Because I don’t want to get fired for breaking the rules.”
“Just because we go in together doesn’t mean we are together. You’re not ashamed of me, are you?”
“Of course not.”
“Then what’s the matter?”
“I already told you: I don’t want anyone to report us to my boss. He’ll think that every two hours I leave for a quick fuck with my boyfriend, who works two floors below. He has already pointed out to me anyway that I take too many breaks.”
“Then tell him the truth that you go for a smoke. My boss doesn’t mind that I smoke.”
“Because he smokes himself. Mine doesn’t.”
“Maybe he’ll understand—”
“He won’t. He’s like a dry piece of wood in the forest. He’s an ossified bore who’s fucked up about following the rules. I can bet that the craziest thing he has ever done in his life was to play a timed chess game. With a computer. Offline.”
*