Chapter 5
5
HAILEY
M y heart was racing again. Sawyer had that effect on me.
I tried to tell myself it was just physical, but after he left, all I could think about was him. The way he looked at me, the way he laughed, the way he took a genuine interest in who I was…
This wasn’t the norm for Sawyer. He clearly kept to himself, and he’d been very slow to open up. But after only a few hours, I felt closer to him than I had any single friend in my life.
Running on instinct, I’d come over here with no idea what I planned to do. I knocked and got no response. Then I knocked again. Finally, I turned the lock and started to call out.
But at the last minute, I stopped myself. Instead, I closed the door behind me and walked across the creaky floorboards, staring at the door to the bedroom.
It was open. I could go in. I could climb into his bed and see what happened from there.
Before I could do any of that, he’d come to the door. He’d stayed in the doorway—hiding his lower half—but now he stood in front of me, naked and fully erect.
The length and thickness of his member was not what I’d expected. He was huge, and I was a virgin. This wouldn’t be easy.
“You’re telling me you’ve never had sex?” he asked.
I shook my head. “As I said, I haven’t dated.”
“Well, you don’t have to date to?—”
I nodded. “I know, but I’m not that type of girl. Well, all evidence to the contrary, I guess.”
I laughed at that—a nervous laugh. Ugh. I didn’t want him to see me as some silly schoolgirl. I was trying to seduce the guy.
“I’ve never met anyone like you,” I said. “Just looking at you gets me all…”
I bit my bottom lip, trying to think of the right word. I might be trying to seduce him, but I didn’t want him to see me as unclassy.
“Warm inside?” he asked. “Same. I haven’t been able to think about anything but you since I left your cabin a few hours ago. I went to bed because what the hell else was I going to do? I didn’t want to go over there and knock on your door, but I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to…you know. So here we are. And you’re a virgin.”
I nodded. “I want you to be my first.”
And my last. I didn’t say those three words out loud, but I was thinking them.
“You want me to teach you how to be a good lover?” he asked. There was a hint of amusement in his voice, but then he headed over to the couch and grabbed the throw there, wrapping it around his waist like it was a towel after showering. He turned to face me. “I’d rather slowly get to know you and see where this leads than be a one-night stand.”
I shook my head. “It wouldn’t be a one-night stand. Far from it. I just…well, I want to go after what I want in life. I need to go after it, starting with entering the competition, then coming here, and now you.”
“You want me?” he asked.
Wasn’t that clear? God, I sucked at this. No wonder I was twenty-three years old and had never been on a date.
“So why do you want the lights out?” he asked.
Sighing, I looked down at the ground. That was something I wasn’t ready to open up to anyone about, especially not him. I wanted him to see me as beautiful and confident, not insecure about the way I looked naked.
“I’m not toned,” I said. “Not like you. I don’t work out. I love my curves, but I’ve been self-conscious about them all my life.”
There. It was out. I blossomed early and had curves for days. I got attention from boys, but since I spent all my time doing band activities in school, I wasn’t exactly surrounded by guys who had game. Not the confident kind of guy Sawyer was, anyway.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he said. “But if you want our first time to be in the dark, that’s how it’ll be. I can’t promise what will happen in the morning when I wake up with you in bed next to me, the sun streaming through my window.”
I smiled. I liked that idea. By then, he’d know every curve of my body by touch, anyway.
“Let’s go,” he said, gesturing toward his bedroom.
I didn’t move. Instead, I stared at him. He stared back. He didn’t look confused, just patient as he waited for me to make a move.
“I want something first,” I said.
He moved his hand to his waist. “You want me to lose the blanket? Because?—”
I shook my head, interrupting whatever he was about to say. “I want you to kiss me, standing up, right here in your living room.”
“Come here,” he said.
There was a tone to his voice that did something to me. It caused a feeling between my legs that I’d never felt before. Sure, I’d been turned on, but nothing like this.
I had to remind myself to breathe as I put one foot in front of the other, walking away from the bedroom and toward him. As soon as I was within a few feet, though, calm washed over me.
I was safe in his hands. He’d take care of me. Yes, I wanted him in my life after tonight. I wanted him to be my first and last. But I also wanted him to teach me. I wanted him to show me how to please him. And I wanted to see what I’d been missing all these years.
I stopped in front of him, not touching him, just waiting to see what would happen next. I felt myself being pulled toward him, though—a magnetic force that was tough to resist.
He reached out, and that was all it took. I was in his arms and on tiptoe in seconds, pressing my body against his as our lips met.
We didn’t start slowly, instead making up for lost time, all the passion of the past few hours coming out in one long, breathless kiss. I moaned against his mouth as his hands slid beneath my sweater, running over the bare skin of my back. My hands were on his shoulders, but I didn’t dare move them, even though I knew I’d be welcome to explore. I wanted to savor this kiss first.
Probably encouraged by my moan, Sawyer deepened the kiss as he unclasped my bra. He moved his hands around my waist and up my ribcage, then shoved the bra cups upward to skim my nipples with his thumbs.
That brought another moan. As if on their own, my hips thrust forward, pressing into his erection and making him groan. Finally, he broke the kiss.
“Damn, baby,” he said. “If that’s an indication of what’s to come, this is going to be fucking amazing. Stay right there.”
I thought he might move away from me, but instead, he stepped back a little and knelt slightly, scooping me up in his arms. He carried me to the bedroom as though I weighed no more than a pile of sheets.
It was dark in his bedroom, but the light from the living room spilled in. I was weighing whether or not I could get over my insecurities and let him make love to me in partial lighting when he stepped away from the bed, walked over, and closed the bedroom door, bathing us in darkness. A little light came through the drawn blinds, but not much.
He walked around the bed and climbed in on the other side, making me aware that I was still lying on top of the sheets. I wiggled around until I had them on top of me and turned to face him.
“Are you over there?” I asked.
I held in a giggle. This was not the time for that.
“Go by touch,” he said. “You can do whatever you want.”
I wondered if he’d taken off the blanket after he walked around the bed. Only one way to tell. I reached out and my hand landed on his biceps. That was what told me he was on his side, facing me.
Holding my breath, I slid my hand to his face, moving over his cheek and finally scooting my head over on the pillow to touch my lips to his. My second kiss ever. Or did it still count as my first kiss, since it was with the same guy, and only minutes after the first? I wasn’t sure how all that worked.
Sawyer didn’t move to touch me, and I thought back to his previous words. Go by touch .
I returned my hand to his biceps, exploring the contours. He continued to kiss me without seeming the slightest bit distracted. I held back a smile as I issued a challenge to myself. When his kisses got sloppier, I’d know I was doing my job—that my touch was turning him on.
Not yet, though. Not to the point of distraction, anyway. But I was only moving across his chest to his rib cage.
Suddenly, he tilted away from me, and it took me a second to realize he was making it easier for me to touch him. He wanted me to take that thick erection in my hand. I squeezed my legs together, feeling my body heat up.
Things got a little awkward as I tried to make my way to his cock. I wasn’t left-handed, first of all. But also, the angle just felt weird.
He pulled away and rolled onto his back, my hand flat on his stomach. Nothing was getting in the way now.
Exhilarated and intimidated at the same time, I moved my hand slowly downward and hesitated before finally touching him. Just my thumb at first. I slid it over his shaft, marveling at the feel of him.
He sucked in a breath, and that was how I knew I was at least doing something right. Okay, so maybe even a strong wind would get him off at this point, as long as the lead-up had been to this. But I still felt a thrill, knowing I could make him feel good.
I couldn’t see his face—not even the outline of his profile in the dark. But I could tell from the sound of his heavy breathing that he was enjoying this.
I rose on my elbow and boldly stroked him multiple times until finally, he reached down and put a hand on mine to stop me.
“We’ve got to take this a little slower,” he said. “Unless you want me coming all over myself.”
I bit my lip again. Nobody had ever spoken to me that way. I never would have imagined getting turned on by a man talking to me like that. If it had been anybody else, I would have probably been horrified, but the thought of a man being so turned on by me that he couldn’t hold himself back excited me. Thrilled me. Made waves of heat rush through my body.
As requested, I slowed my movements, then ran my hand over his balls. He sucked in a breath at that too, and I worried he’d stop me. But this was part of exploring, wasn’t it?
“Can I taste it?” I asked, looking up at him.
That was when it really hit me that being in the dark was a mistake. I wanted to see his expression. His reactions were a huge part of this.
Later. We’d get through this first time, and as he said, in the morning, I’d be more comfortable having him look at me.
He groaned. “Babe, you’re going to?—”
“Just briefly,” I interrupted. “I just want to see what it’s like.”
He groaned again. “Be my guest.”
But his breath really got heavy when I wrapped my lips around him and took him in deep. It wasn’t easy, thanks to his size, but with every deep breath, I was encouraged to keep going.
And then he suddenly nudged me off him. “Your turn,” he said.
He eased me onto my back and reached for the fastening on my jeans. I helped him tug them down, along with my underwear, and as the air tickled my bare skin, I couldn’t wait to see what he did next.
Once my bottom half was bare, Sawyer rose above me, holding himself up with one arm while his other moved up my left leg and around to my inner thigh. I closed my eyes and held my breath as his fingers moved to the very inner part of my thigh. Then slowly, he parted my folds and slid a finger inside.
“Damn, you’re so wet,” he said. “Do you usually get this wet?”
I shook my head, then remembered he couldn’t see me. “I’ve never been this wet before.”
He had to know that, though. He just wanted to hear the words. Like me, he wanted to know that he had the power to turn me on.
And that was a big wake-up call for me. I wasn’t the only one who felt self-conscious here. He also wanted to know that I wanted him. It thrilled him, just like it thrilled me. Somehow, that made it easier.
Then I didn’t have time to think. As he removed his finger he shifted, and soon he was between my legs, his head positioned right at the apex of my thighs. In the process, he spread my legs wider, and I clutched the sheets around me, bracing myself for what was about to happen.
The second his tongue touched my clit, sensations exploded inside me. I’d never felt anything like it. I gasped and arched my back, but he managed to hold my hips still as he continued to run his tongue over my clit.
He flicked it, then slid his tongue around in circles, seeming to test out what felt best to me. It all felt good, so I wouldn’t be much help there.
Within seconds, he had me sighing and moaning. I made some noises I didn’t know I was capable of making. I knew my body was ramping up toward something. I just had no idea what would happen when it finally got there.
I would have never expected the fireworks that exploded inside my body as my orgasm overtook me. I lost all sense of space and time as I cried out, even saying his name at least once, maybe twice. I was probably muttering incoherent nonsense. I wasn’t really in control of my vocal cords at that point.
Gradually, it eased, but I still felt different. Better than I had before. I tingled from head to toe and felt warm all over, and I immediately wanted to do it again.
“Hold on,” he said.
And then he was off the bed. He disappeared from the room, opening the door and letting light shine in.
I reached for the sheets to hide beneath them but immediately thought better of it. Instead, when he came back into the room, I said something I hadn’t planned on saying.
“Leave the door open. I want to see you while you make love to me.”