Chapter 1 Sophie #4
I fight not to look at him, and my victory is quite a feat.
He doesn’t have any clue. He never has. I fought long and hard to keep my feelings for my best friend hidden, because I knew crossing that line would end badly for both of us.
I didn’t want to lose my best friend. Elijah meant more to me than anyone, and the very thought of losing him felt like a punch to the gut.
But I lost him anyway.
We haven’t truly spoken since I left for college ten years ago.
I thought Elijah would be the one to stick with me, because growing up, he was always there.
We were inseparable. But then I left, and he just…
disappeared. He got a fantastic scholarship and went off and did his own thing, which I tried not to be mad about but…
seeing him plastered all over my social media with that charming smile, with girls kissing and hanging off of him…
I was mad.
Fuck, I was livid. But I knew I had no right to feel that way, because Elijah was just…my best friend. At the time, anyway. Even if I wanted him to be more than that.
But that’s all he was ever going to see me as, clearly, given that I was head over heels in love with the guy and he had no freaking idea.
I know, I know. I’m as cliché as they come. I fell for my best guy friend, like my life was some sort of romantic comedy.
But it wasn’t funny. I don’t know when things changed, or when my feelings became more, but I do know that one day I started to feel things I knew I shouldn’t for my best friend. Things that made being around him, alone, really fucking difficult.
I wanted to tell him the truth, I did, but—I also didn’t want to lose my best friend if he didn’t feel the same way. So I kept my feelings—and my fantasies—to myself and focused on being the best friend I could be, and then we graduated and went to college, and…
I told myself that the distance and lack of communication was better.
I needed to let go of the hope that one day he’d notice me.
That one day he’d show up at my dorm and tell me he was sorry, he missed me, and maybe even loved me.
Because that was never going to happen. I needed to be realistic, and his lack of communication was enough of a nail in the coffin.
I knew where I stood with my best friend.
Not that I consider him a friend anymore. Not when I haven’t talked to him in years and only know some of what he’s been up to because sometimes I’d stalk him on social media after a couple glasses of wine.
“Don’t snap at Eli,” my brother says. “Something’s obviously up. Spill.”
I shake my head, grabbing my suitcase. Maybe coming here was a bad idea. Maybe I should have gotten a hotel instead. “You know what, I don’t need to do this right now,” I say as I head for the door.
“Sophie…” My brother sighs.
“I’m sorry, I—” I move toward the door, but I’m stopped by Raegan, who’s entering.
“Sophie…hey…” Her gaze flicks between me, my brother, and the boys. “You’re here early,” she says carefully, glancing at my brother.
“I was just leaving,” I say, but she doesn’t move, blocking my exit.
“Oh. I see. Is…everything okay?” Raegan sets her keys down on the end table in the foyer, her eyebrows furrowing as her bright hazel eyes meet mine.
“Sophie wants to crash here, and Sam’s all worried their mom’s gonna freak if she finds out Soph changed up the plan,” Matthew drawls dramatically.
Benny smacks him upside the head again.
“What was that for?” Matthew whines.
“Not your fucking circus, Matt.”
“I’m just saying!” Matthew shoves Benny, who grunts out a curse.
Raegan purses her lips. “Of course you can stay here,” she says, glancing at my brother, who runs a hand through his hair. “You’re always welcome here.”
“I didn’t say she couldn’t, I just said—” Sam sighs.
Raegan leans forward, her arms going around me without warning, and I hate how comforting her hug feels right now. The urge to start bawling hits hard, and I think maybe I really should go, but before I can move, she holds me at arm’s length.
“You look exhausted,” she says softly.
It’s not the words themselves, but how she says them. It’s the knowing look in her eyes. She knows something’s up, but unlike my brother, she’s not going to press me. Which I’m more than thankful for.
“I am,” I say, my voice shaking. “It’s a long way from Seattle to Virginia.”
Reagan grabs my hand and pulls, releasing the suitcase handle from my grip.
She casually grabs it and spins it toward her, wrapping her free hand around my arm.
“Come on, I’ll show you the guest room,” she says with the warmest smile as my brother sighs in annoyance and exasperation.
“We can talk about your mother later,” she adds as we pass Sam.
I can still feel Elijah’s gaze on me, still feel Benny and Matthew watching me like a damn soap opera. But thankfully, once we turn down the hall, the heat of their gazes disappears. Raegan opens a door at the end of the hall, and I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Thank you,” I say, but I’m not able to hide the shakiness or the beginnings of tears in my voice. Raegan slides my suitcase in and hugs me. “I wasn’t trying to cause a problem, I just—” I drop my gaze from hers.
“You’re never a problem, Sophie,” she says warmly. “I promise.” She lets me go. “Whatever you need, just let me know, okay?”
My heart warms as tears start to fall. Raegan is like that. Always looking out for others, always so giving and kind. I couldn’t ask for a better sister-in-law.
But I don’t want to detract from her spotlight. I’m here for her. And their wedding is going to be so perfect, and that is what I want to focus on. What I need to focus on, instead of my life that’s literally blown up in my face in the worst way possible.
In a few days we’ll be on a plane to the Virgin Islands, and I’ll be standing on the beach next to her, watching her marry my brother. The realization is bittersweet. I don’t want to sour her with my fucking drama, so I say, “I think I just need to sleep.”
She nods. “Okay.”
And with that, she lets me go, shutting the door in her wake. I fall onto the guest bed, surprised at how comfortable it actually is. But then again, maybe I’m just so achy and tired that anything would feel comforting right now.
I curl up on top of the fluffy comforter, close my eyes, and let sleep take me under, hoping when I wake up this nightmare of a day will be over for good.