62 | I'm a man clinging to a woman who might never be his
The shower's water hits me like a thousand needles, scalding my skin, but I don't care.
I stand under it, head bowed, hands braced against the tiled wall, letting the water carve rivers down my back.
It's supposed to wash away the grime, the blood, the days I've spent unraveling, but it can't touch the real filth, the fear that's been choking me, the obsession that's burned itself into my bones.
Her name is a pulse in my skull, a rhythm I can't escape.
She's all I think about, all I see, and the thought of her leaving me, slipping through my fingers like smoke, makes my chest cave in.
Steam curls around me, but it's nothing compared to the weight of her absence, even if she's in the other room.
I close my eyes, water streaming over my face, and her image floods me.
Aurelia, with her sharp eyes that cut through my walls, her red hair spilling over her shoulders, her voice soft but unyielding when she called me back from that basement, from the edge of madness.
I was about to kill my sister'sfiancé without a second thought.
But Aurelia held my hand, her touch a tether, and I felt like she was the only thing real in a life of shadows.
Every breath she takes, every glance she spares, it's mine to hoard.
I count her pulse at night, my fingers on her wrist, because it's proof she's here, proof she's alive and still with me.
I'd rather carve out my own heart than watch her walk away, but I'm not fool enough to think I could stop her.
She's fire, and I'm just the fool who wants to hold it.
The water's too hot, burning now, but I don't care.
It's a distraction, a way to ground myself when my mind's spiraling, picturing her gone.
I see her laughing with Franco, his hand on her arm, or worse, disappearing entirely, vanishing into a life I can't follow.
No trace, no goodbye, just an empty bed and a hole where my soul used to be.
My chest tightens, a panic so raw it's like drowning, and I slam my fist against the wall, the pain sharp but fleeting.
It doesn't help.
Nothing does.
I'm a monster, a man forged in blood and betrayal, and she's... too good for someone like me.
I think of the basement, the gun in my hand, my sister'sfiancé trembling form.
I was ready to pull the trigger, to end him for daring to exist in our world, but then she was there.
Aurelia, stepping through the fear, taking my hand like I wasn't a monster.
Her touch, it was a miracle, and I felt myself come back, the madness dissolving under her gaze.
She didn't flinch, didn't falter, and for a moment, I believed she could want me.
But what if I'm wrong?
What if she was just saving her sister's fiancé, not me? What if she's counting the days until she's free?
My hands shake as I drag them through my wet hair, the water pooling at my feet.
I turn off the shower, the sudden silence deafening, and stand there, water dripping from my skin.
The mirror's fogged, but I don't need to see my reflection to know I'm a wreck.
I'm a man clinging to a woman who might never be his.