64 | You were never supposed to love me
I'm on my knees, the floor biting into my bones, but it's nothing compared to the ache tearing through my chest.
My arms are wrapped around Aurelia's waist, my face pressed against her, the faint scent of her, grounding me when I'm one breath from falling apart.
She's here, solid and real, but I'm drowning in the fear that she's slipping away, that she's already halfway out the door.
The living room hums with the distant murmur of my family, but they're ghosts, nothing matters except her, the woman I'm clinging to like she's the only thing keeping my heart beating.
I've been lost these past days, running from the truth of Ciara's lie, from the void of a marriage I don't deserve, but now, on my knees, I'm begging for her to stay, and it's the only truth I know.
Her body tenses under my hold, and then her voice cuts through.
"Do you like me?" she asks, and there's a hesitation in it, a crack that makes me think she's as scared as I am."Or... something?"
The question catches me off guard, and a laugh rips out of me, bitter, jagged, scraping my throat raw.
Like her?
The word is too small, too frail for the storm she's unleashed in me.
I pull back just enough to look up at her, my hands sliding to her hips, anchoring me as I meet her eyes. They're wide, searching, a mix of fire and fear that mirrors the chaos inside me.
"No," I say, my voice low, shaking with the weight of what's coming next.
"I don't like you, Aurelia."
Her breath hitches, and I see the flicker of hurt, but I don't stop.
I can't.
The words are clawing their way out, and I need her to hear them, to know how much she means to me.
"I love you like it's carved into my bones, like God made me just to kneel at your feet and beg for your touch.
Every breath I take is borrowed time until I'm near you again.
You're not a need. You're a vow etched into my soul.
I wasn't made to live, I was made to love you, to worship you, even if it destroys me. "
My hands tremble against her, but I don't look away. I can't look away from her because she's too beautiful.
There's something cruel in how beautiful she is, like the blade of a knife glinting in moonlight. And I keep staring, knowing she's about to cut me open.
"You consume me. I breathe you, ache for you, rot without you. I know I'm the last man you should ever trust, but that doesn't stop me from needing you like an addiction I'll never quit."
Her eyes are locked on mine, and I pour myself into them, letting her see the wreckage I've become.
"Every time I close my eyes, all I see is you, your smile, your voice, the way you move like you're daring the world to break you.
I count your pulse at night because it's proof you're here, proof I haven't lost you, and even that's not enough.
I'd carve my heart out and lay it at your feet if it meant you'd stay," My voice is shaking now, but I push through, because she needs to know what I feel for her.
"I live in constant fear that one day you'll see me clearly, see the monster behind the mask, soaked in blood and sins I can't wash away.
And when you do, you'll run, to someone gentle, someone clean.
And I'll die standing, Aurelia, because without you, I'm just a ruin pretending to be a man. "
My forehead drops to her stomach, my arms tightening around her, and I feel her trembling or maybe it's me? I can't tell anymore.
The world narrows to her, the heat of her body, the faint thud of her heartbeat, the silence that follows my confession.
I've laid myself bare, ripped open my chest and offered her everything and it's not enough, not until she stays.
I'm hers, completely, and the thought of her slipping away is a knife I can't survive.
"I thought you didn't love me," she suddenly says, and I freeze, my breath catching.
"You were never supposed to love me."
I look up, my hands still on her hips, and my heart stumbles at the sight, tears streaming down her face, her eyes wide and shimmering with pain, with doubt and distrust.
She's crying, and it's like a fist to my gut, because I did this, made her think she's less than everything to me.
Her lips tremble as she goes on, each word a dagger. "You were supposed to love my sister. You loved her, Luciano. You cried for her, ached for her. You're probably confusing me with her, right? There's no way you could love me."
Her words hit like a gunshot, and I shake my head, desperate to stop the bleeding.
"No," I say, my voice rough, fierce, because she's wrong, so fucking wrong it hurts. "That's not true. What I feel for you is different, Aurelia. It's fucking everything. I've never felt this way for anyone, not Ciara, not any other woman."
She stares at me, her tears falling faster, and I see the disbelief, the fear that I'm lying, that I'm mistaking her for a ghost.
I can't let her think that, can't let her doubt what she is to me.
I tighten my grip, my fingers digging into her like I can anchor her to my truth.
"If I could find the person who killed Ciara, I'd pay them," I say, my voice low, burning with conviction.
"I'd empty my accounts, give them every cent, because they did me a favor.
They took her away and led me to you, the love of my life.
I'm grateful she's dead, grateful she's gone, because she was nothing, Aurelia. Nothing compared to you."
Her eyes widen, shock flashing across her face.
I push on, my voice shaking with the weight of it, because she needs to hear, needs to know.
"Ciara was the worst mistake of my life, because you're the only one who holds my heart in your hands, Aurelia.
You could tell me to burn the world down, and I'd light the match without a second thought.
You could ask for everything I own, my empire, my fortune, my blood, my soul, and I'd hand it over, no questions asked.
You could tell me to kill myself, and I'd do it, just to prove how much you mean to me. "
"I'm yours, in a way I've never been for anyone else."
She's staring at me, her tears slowing, and I see something shift in her eyes.
"I don't just love you," I say, my voice dropping, fervent, like a vow carved in stone. "I'm consumed by you. Every thought, every breath, it's you."
"I'd tear myself apart before I let you think you're second to her, second to anyone. You're my world, Aurelia, the only thing that makes this life bearable, and I'll spend every day proving it, if you let me."
The words still hang heavy in the air, my confession a wound I've ripped open, and I'm waiting, terrified, for her to decide if I'm worth keeping.
"I'm scared to let you in," she says, and my heart stumbles, caught off guard by the vulnerability in her tone. "I'm scared to be with you, to love you, to touch you, to kiss you, because if I let you in and you tear my heart out, I will die. I won't be able to survive you, Luciano Costa."
"I survived you once when you got engaged to my sister," she says, "but I can't survive twice. My heart won't be able to take it."
Survived me? What does she mean?
I pull back again, just enough to look up at her, my hands still on her hips, anchoring me.
She's staring at me like I've already broken her, and it twists something in my gut.
I'm lost, my mind scrambling to make sense of her confession, but before I can speak, she goes on, her voice shaking but resolute, pouring out a truth that steals my breath.
"I loved you, Luciano," she says, and the words are a blade, slicing through me. "For five years, I loved you. A stupid, hopeless crush that started when I was too young to know better. But you never knew, did you? Because you never noticed me."
I'm stunned, my heart stuttering as I stare at her, her tears falling faster now, each one a weight I feel in my bones.
Five years? She loved me, and I had no fucking clue?
My mind reels, trying to pull up memories of her back then, before Ciara, before everything went to hell.
Aurelia was always in the background. She was quiet, someone I never looked at twice because I was too caught up in my own world, and back then,she was just Chase's little sister.
"You were this... force," she continues, her voice cracking, her hands trembling as she gestures vaguely, like she's trying to capture something too big for words.
"Strong, untouchable, carrying the weight of your name like it was nothing.
I watched you, Luciano, every day, memorizing the way you moved, the way you laughed, the way you'd look out at the world like you could bend it to your will.
I was invisible to you, just Chase's little sister, but I loved you so much it hurt.
And when you got engaged to her, it broke me, because I knew I'd never be her.
I survived it, buried it, because I wasn't yours.
I could walk away, pretend it was just a childish dream.
But now..."She trails off, her breath hitching, and I feel the air shift, heavy with the weight of her fear.
"Now it's different," she whispers, her eyes locked on mine, wide and vulnerable.
"You're here, saying you love me, and it's everything I ever wanted, but it terrifies me.
Because if I let you in, if I love you back, touch you, kiss you, give you my heart and you tear it out?
I won't survive it. Not this time.
I'm scared of you, Luciano, because you could end me.
One word, one choice, and I'd be gone, just ashes, because I'm already too deep, too lost in you. "
Her confession is a tidal wave, crashing over me, and I'm drowning in it, in her pain, her love, her fear.
I had no idea that she carried this for years, that she saw me when I was blind, loved me when I didn't deserve it.
My hands slide up to cradle her face, my thumbs brushing away her tears, and I'm shaking, overwhelmed by the truth of her, by the gift of her heart, even if it's wrapped in terror.
"Aurelia," I say, my voice rough, breaking with the force of what I feel. "I didn't know. I swear, I didn't see you, not then. But I see you now, and it's you, only you, who's burned into me, deeper than anything I've ever known."
Her eyes search mine, doubtful, and I press on, desperate to make her believe me.
"Ciara was a mistake because she was never you. I never loved her. You think I could confuse you with her? You're my fucking salvation, Aurelia, the only woman who pulls me back from the edge, who makes me want to be better, to be yours."
I'm trembling now, my hands steady on her face but my chest heaving, because her fear is mine, mirrored and magnified.
"I'll never rip your heart from your chest," I promise, my voice a low growl.
"But I'd tear my own apart before I'd hurt you.
You think I'll destroy you? I fear that one day you'll walk away and leave me cold, hollow.
Without you, I'm a man broken beyond repair.
My love for you is an abyss, and I would plunge myself into it to keep you safe.
If you asked me to burn everything to the ground, I'd do it without hesitation.
If you demanded my life, it's yours. I'm yours, Aurelia, and I'll prove every damn day that your heart is my responsibility to protect, not to shatter. "
Her breath catches, a soft sob escaping.
"I didn't know you loved me," I whisper, raw and fervent.
"But now that I do, I'm never letting go, not unless you tell me to, and even then, it'd kill me.
You're my world, my home, and I'll kneel for you, bleed for you, forever, if you let me.
Don't be scared of me, love. Be scared of a life without us, because I am. "
The silence wraps around us, her body trembling against mine.
My knees ache from the floor, but it's nothing compared to the ache of knowing I could lose her, that she might slip away despite my vows, my love poured out like blood at her feet.
I'm hers and I'll be damned if I let her doubt it, let her think she's anything less than my entire world.
I stand, my legs trembling under the weight of it all.
My hands shake as I reach for her, pulling her into my arms, and the moment her body presses against mine, it's like the world snaps into place.
She's sobbing, her face buried in my chest, her tears soaking my chest, but I don't care, I hold her tighter, my arms a fortress around her, because I won't let her go.
My hands splay across her back, one tangling in her hair, anchoring her to me as if I could meld us into one, make it so she never leaves.
Her sobs are raw, breaking something in me, but they only make me hold her closer, my lips brushing her temple, a silent promise that I'm here, that I'm hers.
I can't stand the thought of her pain, but I'll take it, every tear, every fear, if it means she's still mine.
My heart's pounding, a wild rhythm that matches the chaos of my love for her, and I know I'd rather die than let her go.
I shift, bending to slide one arm under her knees, the other behind her back, and lift her into a bridal carry, her weight a perfect fit in my arms.
God, I love this, the way her body molds to mine, the way she feels like she was made for me to hold, to protect, to love.
She buries her face in my neck, her breath hot and uneven against my skin, her arms looping around me as she cries harder, like she's letting go of years of hurt.
Her tears drip onto my collarbone, and each one is a vow I make to never let her feel this pain again.
She's light in my arms, and I cradle her like she's the most precious thing in my world, because she is.
I turn, heading towards the stairs, ignoring the people in living room.
My mother's there, tears streaking her face, her hands clasped like she's praying.
Nonna's sobbing, her handkerchief pressed to her mouth, her eyes glistening with the weight of my confession, of Aurelia's pain.
My uncles, cousins, they're all watching, their whispers a hum I don't care to hear.
They don't matter.
None of them do.
The only thing that exists is the woman in my arms, the love of my life, the one I'd burn everything for.
Let them stare, let them weep, I'm done with their world, their rules. Aurelia's my empire now, my home, my reason, and I'll shield her from all of it.
I start going up the stairs, each step deliberate.
Her body shifts closer, her fingers curling into my chest, and I feel her breath hitch, her sobs softening but not stopping.
I tighten my grip, my lips brushing her hair as I murmur, "I've got you,principessa. I'm not letting go."
The wound on my shoulder throbs, barely healed, but it's nothing compared to the need driving me, the need to keep her safe, to make her believe she's everything to me.
The hallway stretches before us, dim and quiet, the mansion's grandeur fading into shadow.
I don't care about the portraits glaring down, the legacy I'm supposed to uphold. All I care about is her, the way her body fits against mine, the way her tears are slowing, the way she's still here, even after baring her soul, her fear, her love.
I didn't know she loved me all those years, didn't see her when she was right there, but now?
Now I see every piece of her, her strength, her pain, her fire, and I'm addicted, obsessed, devoted in a way I'll never escape.
I reach our room, the place where we've fought and clung to each other in the dark.
I don't set her down, not yet.
I want to hold her forever.
I stand in the doorway, holding her, my arms steady despite the tremble in my chest.
Her face is still tucked into my neck, her breath warm, and I feel her heartbeat, a rhythm I've memorized, a proof she's alive and mine.
"Aurelia," I murmur her name softly, the words filled with an ache I can't hide. "My heart is in your hands, and I have no intention of taking it back. I'm yours, and I'll prove that to you, day after day."
She doesn't answer, but her fingers tighten on my neck, a desperate claim, and it's enough becauseit means everything to me.