Chapter 21
RAIN
Was that what I needed? I didn’t know, but I knew I needed him.
I twined my arms around his shoulders as my body molded against his. We were kissing, but this was more, so much more. I felt drunk just at the feel of him. “You…” I began, but I stopped because what was I about to say?
I never lost myself. Even if I drank, I was always controlled. I had to be, because what if something slipped out? This was my secret—how lonely I was, except I was now realizing I’d kept it a secret from even myself.
I was so lonely.
I had deprived myself of touch, from connection, but now Tyler was here, giving me everything I’d told myself I didn’t need.
I’d lied to myself because I just knew no one would want to give this to me, so I’d learned to live life without it.
Now he was here, but I had to remind myself that it wouldn’t last.
Tonight. Maybe a few more times. Until he got tired of me—and he would. Everyone did. Everyone discovered what was wrong with me, and they walked away.
I ached, but my body shook.
He frowned. “What is it?”
I shook my head, and my throat spasmed. I couldn’t talk. I wanted him. I wanted this.
Could I have it? One night? One week?
Was it worth losing my credibility over? Him? Just for however long this lasted?
When he left, would it devastate me?
“Hey.” He dropped his mouth to my cheek, tasting a tear. “What’s wrong? Did I do this? I’m sorry if I did.”
I shook my head. It wasn’t him. It had been everyone else, yet I couldn’t tear myself away from him. I couldn’t.
It’d been so long since someone touched me like this.
I needed to push him away, tell him to leave, and close up so I wouldn’t get hurt again.
But I couldn’t. He’d asked me to go to the hospital with him.
He’d showed up here, and now he was holding me and wiping away my tears, even as he still eyed me hungrily. This was a gift.
He’d already torn me open. There was no mending anymore. But I would stitch myself back together. I would. I looked at him. He was so confused by me. I was fucked in the head, but I couldn’t stop this.
One night. One time. Then I’d begin putting my pieces together again. But for now, I pulled him to me. I didn’t just want to quiet the voices telling me I was a dumb fuck. I wanted to obliterate them.
“I have…” It hurt to speak right now. I burned for him, but he needed to have an idea what he was dealing with. “Stuff happened to me, with the way I grew up, and it’s done some damage.”
He shook his head. “Rain—”
I stopped him, putting a hand on his chest. “I don’t want to stop this, but you need to know that when it comes to personal stuff, I’m messed up in the head. I never got that out of me.”
He stared at me. Long. Hard. His eyes moved over my face, searching me, and he came to a decision. He rested his forehead against mine and breathed out, “Rain, right now, I just want to fuck you. That okay?”
Pleasure burst inside of me. I caught his shoulders as I lifted my legs to wrap around his hips. “Yes.”
He kissed me again.
His hands hooked under my legs, adjusting me higher, and he walked to the bed. We both went down together, but he caught himself so he didn’t crush me. We continued kissing.
He tasted so good. I writhed underneath him, growing more heated. Lifting my hips, I moved against him, and that felt fantastic.
He ran his hand down my side and slipped it underneath my shirt, pushing it up so I could feel more of him against my skin. “Can this come off?” he asked.
I pushed up and whipped it off, winding my arms tight around his shoulders again.
Tyler’s body was so lean and built. Strong.
I could feel every muscle shifting as he touched me.
He slipped a hand down to my underwear and cupped my ass as he toyed with the small piece of fabric covering my pussy.
Moaning, he buried his head in my neck. “Fuck, you feel so good.” His finger moved inside the strap, and he circled me.
I shuddered. “I want you to fuck me, Tyler. Not toy with me.”
He laughed, lifting his head to meet my gaze. He smirked, though his eyes were smoldering. “Sex can be good and fun, Connors.”
I growled. “We’re on a last-name basis when we fuck? Good to know, Griffin.”
He laughed again, but his eyes darkened as he slid a finger inside of me. “You like that?”
I stretched for him, feeling him slip deeper, and I nodded, biting my bottom lip. That felt insanely good. He shifted up so he could see as he slid a second finger inside.
Carnal pleasure moved through my body, wrapping around my spine, and I panted, wanting to touch him back.
I knocked his hand away, sliding his fingers out of me. He paused, surprised as I pushed him back on the bed and climbed on top to straddle him.
“Rain?”
I tugged off his joggers and whisked them away, along with his boxer briefs. His dick was long and hard, and it had a lot of girth. I wrapped my hand around it and dipped my head, taking the tip of it in my mouth.
He surged up, his hands sliding into my hair. “Fuck. Shit. Are you—” I swirled my tongue around him, tasting him, and opened my throat, sucking him all the way in. I held there for a beat. I liked this, touching him this way.
He reared up, his hands fisting my hair now. “Shit, Rain. Shit. Fuck. That feels so good.”
I moaned, enjoying making him tremble, and began sucking, bobbing my head over him.
He laid still, shaking and twitching, and I kept going.
When I nibbled along his tip, flicking my tongue over him, I used my hands to keep pumping.
Then I dipped below, tasting his balls, and he cursed again, spasming.
“Shit, shit, I’m going to come. Rain. Baby. Don’t—”
I moved over him again, taking him all the way down my throat and cupping his balls with my hand, and it was enough. He exploded, cursing in guttural gasps. I kept my mouth in place, drinking up all of his cum, and then I swallowed before lifting off of him with an audible pop.
He cursed again and tugged my head up to look in his eyes. He looked drunk as he tried scolding me. “I was planning on doing that to you, not the other way around.”
I grinned, feeling a little drunk myself, just knowing I could make him come like that. “That was fun. I liked that.”
He growled as he hoisted me up.
I squeaked in surprise and then I was straddling him again, and he tugged me forward to rest on his chest. He tucked some hair behind my ear, the touch tender. “I wanted to fuck you tonight.”
I slid a hand down his chest, palming his dick. “We can still do that.”
He waited a beat, uncertainty in his gaze. “About what you said before, about the personal shit—”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it. You just needed to know there’s shit in my head.”
“But—”
I shook my head again. “I don’t want to think. That’ll come after.”
He stared at me for a moment before sighing. “Okay, but I’m going to google everything I can find on ‘personal shit’ the second this is done, just so you know.”
I grinned, ducking my head to his chest. “That’s totally okay with me.” I caught his hand in mine and rolled, pulling him on top of me. Holding his gaze, I slowly pushed his hand between my legs. “Now your turn.”
He flashed me a grin so wicked, so carnal, that I caught my breath. “I’m going to make you scream, Rain.”
I was already throbbing. That sounded just fine to me.