Chapter 75
RAIN
“Dane.” I stopped in my tracks, just inside the lobby doors.
He stood, his face hard. “I’d like to talk to my sister.”
“Why the fuck now?” Tyler growled, taking a step toward him.
Dane’s eyes flashed, but they settled on me again. If anything, he seemed… I didn’t know. I couldn’t place the emotion. I’d so rarely seen any emotion on Dane’s face, so it wasn’t natural. He’d always been impassive. A wall.
“I came to apologize,” he said.
“Apologize for what?”
I touched Tyler’s arm and moved around him, but I kept a hand on him. He drew in a shuddering breath, standing behind me, fitting himself against my back.
Dane’s eyes followed our movements. His jaw clenched. “I should’ve said something. Stopped it. I should’ve…” He glanced away, then looked down at his hands, which were in fists at his sides. “I was a year older than you, Dylan.”
Dylan.
I’d not been called that name in twelve years. I almost didn’t realize that he was talking to me. “I go by Rain,” I told him.
His eyes flared. “Because mom gave you that name?”
I nodded. “She said she’d always loved the name Rain Connors for me. He wanted the other name.”
“You could’ve changed it.” He cocked his head to the side, an unspoken question.
I shrugged, feeling my throat tighten. “It was the last thing I had from her, so I kept it.”
“Do you even know mom’s maiden name?”
I shook my head. “She never told me and… No one ever told me. I didn’t search for it.”
“I’m sorry for that.”
I lifted a shoulder, wanting to shrug that off, but I couldn’t. “Mom said she didn’t have anyone. Was that a lie? Did she?”
He snorted. “Let’s just say there’s a reason Dad looked like a knight in shining armor to her. You’re better off. I don’t let my girls see them.”
His girls.
“You named one of your daughters after me?”
He jerked his head to the side. I could tell that surprised him.
“I was in the bathroom at the arena and heard your wife talking to her. They mentioned Grandpa Keith. And his love for licorice…” I faltered, not knowing why I’d even brought her up. “I just assumed.”
“They didn’t see you?”
I shook my head. “I came out of the stall when they were leaving. She sounded happy.”
His face clouded over and his shoulders slumped. “I was trying to survive too. Back then. Dad was—he was demanding and up our asses, and I’m sorry I didn’t stop Daniel from being such an asshole to you.”
I didn’t know what to say or how to feel. I wasn’t even sure what I was hearing.
“When you left, I never thought that’d actually be the last time I saw you,” he continued after a moment. “I don’t know what I thought. I was just—I was trying to survive. Look…” He stepped toward me before coming to an abrupt halt, his eyes lifting to meet Tyler’s.
“There are a lot of things I’d like to say about how we grew up, but none of it’s an excuse.
None of it. I felt bad when you never came home, and I was shocked that you stayed away.
I was hurt, but now, knowing things from your point of view, I had no reason to be hurt.
I can’t fix anything that happened, but I don’t hate you.
I never did. I want you to know that. I just—I was a shit brother and a shit person to you, and I’m sorry.
I named Dylan after you because even if you don’t want anything to do with me, you’re still my sister.
Daniel doesn’t speak for me or my family, and if he doesn’t change his fucking attitude about you, he’s going to find that Dad is the only one talking to him.
Lindy, my wife, she wants to meet you. She wants the girls to meet you.
But that’s not why I’m here. I…I’m sorry.
I think all I can say is that I’m sorry. ”
I had no clue how to process any of this. None at all. It all spun around in my head, making me dizzy, and I leaned back on Tyler.
He held me up.
“What do you mean there are things you want to say about how we grew up? Things I don’t know about?”
He shuddered. “No. Just that it was hard for me too. I missed Mom. Daniel turned into an asshole. And you were suddenly—it was just weird. Just things like that. I’m sorry.” He studied Tyler. “You seem happy.”
“We are.” I could hear Tyler’s smugness.
“Not talking to you, dipshit.”
“We are. I am.” I rested my head against Tyler’s chest. I felt his arm curve tighter around me. “I love him.”
Dane’s eyes cooled at my words.
Tyler leaned forward, and I could hear his smirk. “You got something to say about that?”
“I’ll always think you’re a dipshit, but as long as you treat her right, maybe you’re less of one than I thought.”
My mind went back to exploding. Dane saying stuff like that? Somewhere I had stepped into an alternate world.
“Anyway, like I said, I wanted to come apologize. I owe you that. And if you want to meet Lindy or your nieces, they’d love that.”
Fear spasmed in my chest.
“Just our family,” he added. “And if you want to talk about growing up, we can do that too. It’s… I’ve been to therapy. Dad fucked us all up. He’s only in my life because of the girls. Trust me, I wish I had walked like you had.”
“You always looked right through me,” I rasped out. “As if I wasn’t there.”
He flinched, pain blazing bright over his face for a moment. “I know,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”
“Why, though? Why was I invisible to you?”
He shook his head, starting to turn away.
I broke free from Tyler’s arms and grabbed Dane. “Tell me.”
“Because I wanted to be you,” he snarled.
I gasped, my hand flying away from him.
“He ignored you. I was jealous as fuck, but…” New agony surged over his face.
“I could see it was hurting you. And I was an asshole kid back then. I don’t have anything to say to make any of it better except that I’m sorry I didn’t come after you.
I’m really sorry I didn’t join you.” His voice was thick with emotion, and he shook his head before whispering, “I’m just sorry, Dylan.
And I needed to say that to you.” He pressed something into my hand.
“Here’s my number if you want to talk again, but I gotta go. ” He brushed past us.
“Dane.”
He stopped, but he didn’t fully turn back. He glanced over his shoulder at me.
“I’m sorry too.”
His head lowered, and the doors slid open and closed behind him.