Chapter 19 - Ezra
Standing in the living room, jaw clenched, I was seeing red.
Zoe was already gone, and her scent was slowly fading as I looked back at my parents while they remained on the couch, looking far too composed and at ease for my liking.
My inner wolf was restless within me, anxiously pacing at the thought of Zoe leaving like that and having to deal with the people who caused her to storm out.
From afar, I couldn't tell what she was thinking or feeling, worsening the ache.
That guilt was far too loud for me to ignore, and it tore me up to even think about how volatile Zoe's feelings were after everything unfolded.
With a combination of disbelief, devastation, and anger, I locked my sharp gaze on the two of them.
Teeth clenched to the point of aching, I muttered, "Get. Out."
Neither of them moved at first, likely assuming I wasn't being serious. They only looked back at me with those determined expressions, smug enough to trigger my wolf even more.
Everything had been going so well. As far as I could tell, my parents were accepting her and coming around. They seemed to be far too receptive to change their minds just like that.
But after it was all said and done, I knew they had been bluffing. They wanted our guard down. They were only pretending to be receptive, all to twist it around and crush Zoe as swiftly and effectively as possible.
I felt blindsided by them right when I was beginning to think there was a chance we could make amends.
Immediately, I wished I never brought Zoe into my mess. I wished I had left her alone and never bothered her in the first place.
She didn't deserve to be cornered by me, and she certainly didn't deserve to be embarrassed and rejected by my parents like that.
I wanted her to know that their opinions didn't matter to me. What they were demanding of me didn't matter either.
I didn't give a damn. I just wanted her.
When they still didn't move, the last of my restraint snapped, and I snarled at them, "Get out!"
Mom flinched then, eyes wide at the realization that I was serious, and surely from noticing I wasn't that same meek kid anymore. I wasn't going to be pushed around, regardless of what they had to say.
With that fury surrounding me, I felt the shift threatened beneath the edges of my resolve. My voice reverberated loud enough within the room to shake them both.
"Get out of my house and get the hell away from my grounds. Now!"
Mom was the first to stand, looking afraid of me. Then she reached for Dad and pulled him up. Even while he stood, he kept his gaze firmly on me, his expression set.
As they started to leave, Dad paused in front of me, brows just barely furrowed as he stared at me. His tone was quiet despite the clear anger in his eyes.
"You will regret this," he warned, voice clipped. "When you come to your senses, you know where to find us."
At my wit's end with them, tired of their threats, I held back a growl in my chest. I glared down at him, just barely maintaining my self-restraint. Leaning slightly closer to him, I uttered, low and cold, "Leave."
With a hint of reluctance, Dad pulled away when Mom tugged on his arm again, and with all their judgment following behind them, they slipped out the front door.
Once it slammed shut and I was left alone, I stood in the living room, grappling with my anger and that sense of helplessness that pulsed in my chest.
I was furious, and a part of me wanted to run out after Zoe, but the longer I waited, the less able I felt to do that. I had the feeling she needed her space, regardless of how badly I wanted to be near her. To get a read on her thoughts and feelings and to try and make amends for what my parents did.
As that anger shifted within me, becoming infiltrated by my guilt, I couldn't bring myself to leave.
Torn between just walking away and wanting to make things better, I found myself in a state of paralysis, and eventually, I could only drop myself onto the couch again.
I wanted her to come back. We had been making strides in getting along and returning to how we used to be before I screwed everything up.
Even if I had never been one to get too emotional or read too deeply into that kind of thing, there was no running from that ache within me. I could try to be as passive and ignorant as I wanted, but the way the mate bond seemed to writhe and panic within me wasn't something I could get over.
I hated the thought of hurting her.
There was no doubt I did, and it wasn't the first time either. I had a habit of doing so, apparently, and it only made the pain feel worse.
On one hand, I knew she didn't need to keep going through that cycle of dealing with me. I couldn't keep hurting her just because I couldn't get a grip on my self-doubt and inability to be what she needed. I wanted to spare her from all of my shit.
But on the other, I wanted her. Needed her. I would be an idiot to deny how badly I needed her near me again, to know she was alright, and to know she could forgive me, even if I didn't deserve it.
She deserved better than me, yet I was selfish enough to want her to never leave.
After some time, when the wait and agony became too much, I pulled my phone out and clicked on our messages.
I felt pathetic all the while my thumbs moved across the screen, but I couldn't help it. I needed to know that she was at least safe.
Before I could think too much about it, I sent the text and stared at the screen for far longer than I should've.
When my eyes ached from looking at the chat and not seeing any messages from her, I eventually put the phone down and scrubbed my face with my hand.
I hated feeling that way and not knowing where she was or how she was doing.
Some time passed, and as dusk shifted to pure darkness, my phone remained silent. No messages from Zoe appeared, regardless of how hard I wished they would.
Another hour later, the faint creak of the door opening forced my head up from against the back of the couch. Without missing a beat, I got up and stood there somewhat awkwardly as Zoe entered the room.
Regardless of what was happening or what was about to happen, I was glad to see that she was back at the house. I was almost surprised since I assumed she wouldn't want to be back after everything.
I didn't know how much more she could take or what her breaking point would be, but seeing her in front of me seemed like a good sign.
Still, the numb expression on her face made my chest ache, and with us in range of each other again, I could feel that she was still upset. I didn't blame her for even a moment.
"You're here," I stated, unsure what else to say or how to address everything that happened. "I texted you...I just wanted to make sure you were all right."
"I know," she murmured, unable to look at me directly. The hushed tone of her voice, giving away how hurt she had truly been, only made me feel worse. "I wasn't ready to say anything yet...but now I have some things to get off my chest."
Despite my usual need to be abrasive and defensive, I knew there was no place for that now. Instead, I pushed the reflex aside and nodded, allowing her the time she needed to talk.
Realizing it, Zoe took a deep breath. "What happened tonight wasn't okay. I thought things were going well but felt completely thrown for a loop. It's clear to me that your parents aren't willing to accept anything other than you agreeing to what they want. Because of that, I can't keep up with this arrangement."
Despite knowing she was completely right and that the agreement was essentially dead, a slight ache still moved through my chest. Regardless, I just nodded in response.
"I can't try to convince someone who doesn't want to be," she continued, expression worn-out and tired. "And another thing...I can't stick around knowing they want you with her. Knowing they'll never accept me because I'm not Nora."
Sensing the doubt in her voice, as if assuming I was considering picking Nora, my brows furrowed. "I don't care if that's what they want...I don't want anything to do with Nora. I don't even know her."
Zoe sighed, looking almost defeated still. "Still, there's so much we've never talked about. Things we've both kept bottled up and hidden away from each other."
My heart squeezed then, aware that she was right. I couldn't deny how often I preferred to bury things rather than address them.
But standing there with her at that moment, I knew I couldn't keep doing it. I had to stand up and couldn't just put my head in the sand.
She deserved better than that.
"You're right...so let's talk about it now," I said, keeping my voice steady to prove I meant it. "Whatever you need to say, just say it. Get it out in the open."
Zoe kept her eyes on me for a moment as if considering what I was saying, and then she nodded and gathered her words. "I'll start from the beginning then...the first time we slept together, I thought we were something. I assumed we were going to be together, especially since we had a mate bond. So, when you rejected me, it broke me. Beyond the connection shattering, it ruined me. Going through that time was the most pain I had ever experienced, which is why I couldn't stand to be near you without fighting or lashing out. I was so broken, and it took me so long to start feeling normal again."
As she spoke, my guilt deepened, and I knew she had every right to feel those things.
I did break her, and I could do nothing to undo it for her.
Zoe shook her head, expression giving away the pain it still brought her. "Finally, when I was feeling more sure of myself, you swooped in and kissed me that day of the opening. You pulled me right back in, and as much as I wanted to ignore it, you pushed even more. Before I knew it, I was back right where I started, unable to say no to you and unable to ignore how much I still wanted you. I knew I should've declined to help you with everything, but I just couldn't. And now that the bond has returned, everything is even more complicated than before."
As she spoke, I felt moved and affected by every word. Finally, everything was laid out between us, and with that, I managed to gather up the courage to try at least to correct the record.
Pulling in a breath of my own, I gathered myself and nodded absently before meeting her gaze. "That day I rejected you...it seems to be where everything started to decline. Can I explain my reasoning?"
Zoe's gaze, while cautious, remained on me. She eventually nodded.
"I was aware of the mate bond, and it was both exciting and terrifying. It was then, and it still is now. I wanted nothing more than to follow through with it and to accept you as mine. I wanted all of it," I explained, as sincere and vulnerable as I could manage. "But I called it off because I...I still had too much baggage to deal with. Between my parents and my childhood, I just didn't want to bring you into it. I'm sure you can understand why now."
Zoe nodded despite the flicker of pain at the reminder that moved through her features.
Releasing a heavy breath, I continued, "Besides, I knew Sebastian would kill me for it. If he knew that I not only slept with you but also initiated a mate bond, he would've torn me to pieces. I didn't want to bring you that drama either, so I pushed you away."
Zoe closed her eyes and listened to everything I said, her face softening slightly. "I just thought you used me..."
My brows furrowed slightly at her words, and I felt a sense of conviction move through me as I stepped toward her. "I could never use you like that...it hurt me too. As much as I didn't show it, it hurt like hell to reject you like that."
Opening her eyes again, she met my gaze, still tired but not as pained as before. "And the bond now...what are we supposed to do about it?"
Sighing, I considered the weight of what came with that notion, aware that we couldn't just ignore it forever, either. "I...don't know."
As a sad look crossed her face, I couldn't stop myself from stepping even closer and putting a gentle hand against her arm. I gazed at her, trying to be both determined but careful.
"I don't know the right answer, but I do know that I don't want to break it this time."
Her brows pinched slightly in surprise, caught off-guard by my words. She blinked back at me as many different thoughts moved through her eyes. "You don't?"
Not needing to think about it, I shook my head. "I don't. I put us through enough pain before, and...it feels wrong to deny the bond. You might not want it, but I do."
"No," Zoe said suddenly, catching us both by surprise. She looked away for a moment with a faint shade of pink in her cheeks before meeting my gaze again. "I...I do want it."
I didn't realize how much I needed to hear those words from her, and I certainly didn't anticipate the wash of relief that moved through me.
After taking a moment to breathe, I brought my hands up to cradle her cheeks as I looked down at her. With resolve in my chest, I managed a faint yet determined smile.
"Then there's no need to break it," I murmured, gently stroking her cheeks with my thumbs. "We can figure out the rest later, but we'll forget about the ruse and just focus on us for now. On what we really are."
Zoe's eyes softened and never left mine. "And your parents?"
"It doesn't matter what they want from me—they won't get it. My mate is right here. Right in front of me."
I couldn't resist the vulnerable look written in her features. She looked so soft and docile, and it stirred the want and longing inside me.
With a delicate warmth blanketing my heart then, I leaned forward until not an inch of space remained between our lips, and I kissed her firmly with all my intentions.
By then, with our mouths reunited and melding softly with our acceptance, our feelings were too real to ignore, and neither of us could deny it.