Chapter 23 - Ezra
Witnessing our efforts had paid off was satisfying, and it seemed everyone was having a good time.
Lydia and the guests were happy, and Zoe seemed satisfied about how it all unfolded despite her slight urgency to eventually get back home.
Despite masking it well, I was feeling the effect of our bond and that kiss. Given the situation, it was risky, but it felt far too good to pass up. Of course, I wanted to get back home as much as she did.
However, with the guests eventually leaving, we agreed to help clean up before doing so.
As the group of us worked to take down the decorations, Sebastian wordlessly went back and forth, bringing all the gifts inside, and Zoe and Lydia were washing up in the kitchen.
Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary as Ethan kept up his antics, entertaining all of us with his endless chatter. But despite the day going well, I couldn't help but notice the subtle shift in Sebastian's demeanor. He was quieter than usual and didn't engage much with me.
Assuming he was tired or busy, I just kept my head down and helped.
Eventually, it was mostly cleaned up by the time the guys had to head out, leaving me with a few last-minute things.
It was only me in the backyard, picking up some remaining garbage, when I suddenly felt a harsh presence behind me.
Turning around, I found Sebastian looking at me intensely, looking more angry than I had seen him in a while.
"What the hell happened the other night?" he demanded, eyes sharp and lips fixed into a scowl. "When Zoe showed up here crying about being hurt by you and your parents. What was that about?"
He didn't seem to be holding back any of that anger since nobody else was back there with us, and that sudden shift in him caught me off-guard.
Blinking back at him for a moment, I took a second to regain my bearings. But of course, well aware of how disastrous that night went, my stomach dropped.
It seemed he waited all day to confront me finally, and there was no avoiding it.
I let go of a breath. "Zoe agreed to meet with my parents so that we could convince them of the lie. They acted like they were taking the bait, but neither of us saw it coming. They blindsided us, and it didn't matter what we tried at that point, they just wanted me to accept Nora. But—"
His eyes narrowed by a fraction more. "But you obviously aren't faking anymore, right?"
Surprised then, I didn't think he would've been able to see through me. I assumed he had just been angry about his sister's upset, not that he was onto us. "I—"
"There's no point denying it," Sebastian snapped, stepping toward me. "You had this whole facade going, but you pulled Zoe into your mess, and her feelings have grown for you—which you're trampling all over."
"It's not like that," I managed to say, finding myself in the exact situation I never wanted to be in. "I apologized, and we made amends. I'm trying to be better for her."
"You might be acting all lovey-dovey now, but I know you're just going to hurt her all over again," he muttered, not letting up on his anger. "And don't assume I know nothing about you messing around with her behind my back. How you two were seeing each other and decided to keep it to yourselves. She told me everything that night. So don't play dumb with me."
Cursing to myself on the inside, I knew I was completely caught out and in the worst possible way.
It didn't matter how I spun it, I would look like an asshole regardless.
I went behind his back while seeing his sister. I discovered a mate bond with her, and I broke her heart right after. Then, I proceeded to do the same thing all over again, sweeping her up in my baggage. That was why I rejected her in the first place—to prevent exactly that from happening, but I still failed anyway.
"What, having nothing to say now that it's time to actually fess up?"
Despite his fury that seemed to build more and more with every passing second, I pulled in a breath and tried to maintain whatever I could of my dignity.
Regardless of being caught red-handed, I had to at least try and defend myself.
"Listen, I know how it all sounds, and I'm sorry for hiding it from you, but this isn't for nothing," I began, grasping at straws. "I only called things off with her before to avoid any problems because I knew it would be an issue. But we have a mate bond, and even while we tried ignoring it for the sake of the plan, we just couldn't. It's real, and I care about Zoe more than anything. I mean well, and I'm genuinely trying to do right by her."
Sebastian's eyes flared. "Don't even get me started on the mate bond..."
My brows furrowed, surprised that someone like him, who had experienced his own bond, couldn't register my sincerity enough to trust me. "You know I wouldn't put her through all this shit if I didn't really care about her. You also know that I can't help who I have a bond with."
"Maybe, but you could control who you had sex with," Sebastian growled at me, jabbing my chest with a finger. "That's my sister—my little sister! You could've hooked up with anyone, but it just had to be her, right?"
Even if I was trying to keep things as civilized as possible, Sebastian wasn't interested, and the more he pushed, the more my own anger flared. The more my end of the bond pulled in defense of itself.
"If I had known having sex with her would cause the bond to snap into place, then I wouldn't have, as much as I liked her. But there was nothing I could do about it after the fact," I returned, tone clipped. "In fact, I rejected her and broke her heart with my own because I knew you'd react like this. I tried to fix things as best as I could not to jeopardize our friendship, but even then, it wasn't good enough. Nothing would be good enough, right?"
Sebastian clenched his jaw as he held my gaze, eyes burning with his wrath. His voice came out low and tense, brimming with venom. "You jeopardized it the moment you even entertained the idea of getting with her."
He wasn't wrong; I did exactly that. At the time, I knew it would cause problems. I knew that spending time with Zoe, one-on-one away from the others, would be an issue.
But despite being well aware, I did it anyway. I couldn't resist her, regardless of trying initially. I couldn't resist the allure of her, almost like the inevitable bond pulled us together.
As much as I blamed myself for not having better control over my desires, I knew for a fact that mate bonds worked in strange ways, and even if we did resist it longer, we never would've been able to ignore it forever.
But even if Sebastian was right, I couldn't admit that. My pride wouldn’t let me.
"What would you have me do then? Just act like I never felt anything for her—pretend like that connection didn't bring us together?" I demanded of him, wondering how he could handle the situation himself.
Sebastian's jaw clenched. "I don't care how you'd do it, but I'd expect you to leave my damn sister alone. To realize that you would only ever hurt her, and she'd be better off without you."
The pain moved through me at his words as my brows furrowed, and I tried to steel myself against those feelings. "You can't be serious."
But he still didn't pull back. Instead, Sebastian moved closer, anger flaring all over again. "I'm dead serious. I don't care about your bond. You've already done enough. Leave her alone, stay out of her life, and don't do anything else to hurt her. You know it was bound to happen anyway."
I didn't want to lose our friendship, but the way he said those things to me so carelessly, hitting every insecurity I had despite knowing my difficult past, it was getting harder for me to put up with it.
Shaking my head, I did my best to stand my ground. "You know I can't do that...if I were to break this bond, she'd be far worse off than the first time. It's different now. Rejecting her again would cause irreparable damage. And I can't resist it. Not this time."
Of course, this wasn't what Sebastian wanted to hear. Instead, he put a hand against my chest and pushed me back, glaring at me. "I. Don't. Care."
Aggravated by the shove, I clenched my teeth back at him, blood boiling. "You know what it's like—you know how impossible it is to ignore!"
His lip curled in anger, eyes brimming red as his wolf threatened to come out. "You don't deserve her. You'll just fuck it up like you always do."
That was it. The final cord had been struck, and I couldn't try to pretend like I wasn't burning on the inside.
It was too much.
Retreating within myself before I did anything I might regret, I snarled and pulled away from him, disengaging.
With anger coursing through my system, I slammed the gate on the way out and pushed forward with furious steps.
Despite having worked to dismantle some of my defensive walls, hoping that opening up would allow me to grow closer to the ones I cared about, I immediately realized that it only made me vulnerable—susceptible to anyone's attempts to use that weakness against me.
At once, those walls went back up, and I stormed off as I tried to keep myself from shifting and losing my mind.
I didn't want to hurt her, but a part of me knew Sebastian was right.
It didn't matter how I tried or whether my heart was in the right place for once; I would never be what she deserved. I would never be good enough.
As much as it hurt to even consider it, I was bound to only ever cause her pain. And while some heartache was inevitable, I didn't want to delay it for her sake.
I was no good—broken and unstable. Unpredictable. I carried and shoved all my trauma aside, and even if I did everything in my power to pretend like I was normal, I knew I never would be.
Zoe was a pure light who didn't deserve to be forced into dealing with someone like me.
In every way, I didn't deserve her.