Chapter 12 Keir
KEIR
Fallon shone like a beacon, his scent as sweet as honey. I promised him I could control myself. I might have spoken too soon. My body rippled with want. I’d never been attracted to someone so much before.
In my youth, I’d experimented, had many lovers. But now not so much. I’d never found my mate. People told me I was married to my career. I couldn’t disagree.
Fallon had appeared as if by magic. I’d hired him simply as a part of work. Attraction came right away but so did my own denial. Work was work. Distractions could wait.
But the heat coming off him… the beauty of his need… I couldn’t look away.
I gripped the breakfast tray tighter.
Fallon looked ready to run. Toward me.
I cleared my throat. “Where do you want this?”
He stared at me, silent.
“The tray has legs. You can eat it in bed.” That sounded not quite how I meant it.
“It’s my favorite tray. Santa and his reindeer are painted on it. My mom let me take it when I moved.”
“It’s beautiful.” I needed my inner alpha boss to come into play. “Go on. Get into the bed.”
He moved back, pushing himself up into a sitting position against the pillows. His bare feet stretched under the blankets.
I set the tray over his lap trying not to look at the obvious tent of his robe. I quickly turned away and found his computer sitting at the foot of the bed. I moved it closer to his side.
“Anything else you need right now?”
He shook his head. The motion seemed to hurt him.
I practically ran from the room. It was filled with pheromones, sweet and alluring. I could barely breathe or risk losing myself in it.
Once past the threshold, I called back. “I’m closing the door.”
I took my own breakfast to the couch along with my laptop, eating fast while barely tasting the good food. Glancing about the living room, I noted Fallon had no Christmas tree. I knew he’d just moved in a few weeks ago, but still it seemed a crime.
The fire burned merrily in the electric hearth. There were soft pillows and a throw blanket on the couch. I got cozy and began to work.
Updates. Analysis. Corrections. Countless messages and emails. I forwarded everything to Fallon. Working remotely with Clea, Drake and the rest of the team wasn’t so different from working from my office except I couldn’t go downstairs and check on them personally.
No one questioned where I was. The work continued as if uninterrupted. Fallon was silent in the other room, but messages came in from him. All work-related as if nothing was wrong.
I still couldn’t relax. He had to be miserable. Yet his numbers did not disappoint. His genius mind shone through even though it must’ve been the most difficult thing for him to maintain clarity.
I sent a message after receiving another set of numbers.
You are amazing.
After a minute, he replied.
You don’t have to stay. I’m feeling a bit better.
I suspected the lie. Reinder heats lasted two to three days. If he’d started not feeling well late last night, it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours.
Need more coffee?
I waited.
I’ll come get it, he texted.
I wouldn’t have it.
Stay where you are. I’ll be in and out fast.
That didn’t sound right. I kept finding inappropriate innuendos in my words. My mind swam with images of Fallon in scenarios that were definitely not professional or proper as his boss.
I jumped up from the couch, checked that the coffee pot was still hot, and took it to the door of his room. I knocked, then turned the knob. He knew I was coming so I didn’t wait for his verbal response.
Slowly, I pushed it open.
Pheromones hit me hard, the air like a lure to a lost man. Fallon’s computer had slid halfway off his lap. He was slumped on his pillows, covers pulled up, his lovely hair, damp, pushed back at the temples.
The tray from the afternoon breakfast had been set on the floor.
Fallon’s mouth opened. “You can’t come any closer.” His voice was high and thready.
I held up the pot of coffee. “Just a quick refill for you, okay? You’re doing well. Your work is everything we need to get through this.”
He turned his head away from me, looking impossibly miserable.
I moved forward and filled the mug on his nightstand. In my pocket I’d put packets of creamer. I reached in and grabbed them, dumping them next to the mug.
“What else do you need?” I asked.
I was now only about couple of feet away from him. I knew very well what he needed. The ache was within me, too.
“I don't think I can do this. I'm sorry. You shouldn't be here.”
“Relax and breathe.”
He leaned back and closed his eyes. At his sides, his hands shook.
“I know you want me to leave and that this isn't fair. But Christmas is depending on you.”
“No.” He covered his face with his hands.
“It's not fair. I need you. I'm being selfish as your boss but I am telling you the truth. We have to get through the next day and a half. The world can't wait.”
He nodded and whispered, “I know.”
“I'll bet you never thought the job would entail this.”
“I understand it's an emergency. But I'm not functional. I'm telling you the truth. I think my numbers are all off. I don't think I can do this. You might just have to fire me.”
“Tell me what you need. Anything. Because I need you, Fallon.”
Slowly, his eyes opened. But he wouldn't look at me. He spoke so softly I couldn't hear him.
“What?”
“I need you,” he repeated.
“Anything.” I meant that with all my heart. I would deny him nothing. Maybe he didn't know it, but I'd already pledged myself to him. It wasn't just his heat. My attraction to him had begun on day one.
Fallon drew into himself and turned away from me, partially moving onto his side.
Instinct had me yearning to reach out and take him into my arms. Would he even accept my touch?
Professionally, it felt like taking a step one too many, too far.
But personally, beyond a room full of pheromones, looking past his shyness, I felt something in return.
Had been for weeks. I wasn't acting out of turn. This wasn't my imagination.
I could so easily picture Fallon as my one true mate.
I knew myself well enough to be sure I didn't make foolish decisions, and I did not take lightly the feelings of others.
I was good at my job because I could read my team, understand them on levels that were deeper than just the computers and programs and algorithms.
“You're hurting.”
He clasped his hands tightly against his chest rolling further away from me. The towel that was beneath him was soaked with slick. It was like perfume to me. A scent and feeling I'd been searching for my whole life.
“Fallon.” His body jerked when I said his name. “I mean it when I say I'm here for you.”
“I'm in heat. None of this will work. I'm sorry.” He kept repeating the last two words over and over into his pillow.
“Will you allow me to touch you?”
His head came up fast. Now he looked at me with big dark reindeer eyes. “What?”
“You heard me.” I lowered myself to sit on the side of his bed.
His eyebrows rose. “What are you saying?”
“Let me help you.”
“As my boss?”
“As your friend.”
“Friend?”
“Yes. If you don't agree you can throw me out now. But there is something... I can't deny it. If you tell me you can’t then I'll leave and go back into the living room. But I'm still not going to leave you alone.”
“What you're saying... What I think you're saying....”
“We're on the same page.”
“No, Keir. You don't have to do this.”
“Deny to me that you don't have feelings, too.”
His mouth scrunched up. He shook his head.
“You can't,” I said. “Trust me. I'm not doing some political favor or trying to placate you. I'm being selfish. I want this. And not just for Christmas. For me. And that's my Christmas confession to you.”
His eyes got bigger. “I care about Christmas, too.”
“Good.”
“And you.” His eyelids fluttered as he glanced downward.
A smile grew against my cheeks. I held back when what I really wanted to do was jump for joy, throw open the windows and shout it to the snowy streets and into the storm. Fallon cared about me. It wasn't just about the job.
I reached out and touched his cheek with a soft brush of my palm. “I care about you a lot more then I've ever let on.” I leaned in and whispered into his ear. “Plus, I've always been attracted by someone who can quote numbers to me the way you do.”
His mouth dropped open. He was shaking. I touched his cheek again, running my thumb down to the edge of his mouth.
And then his chin. He rolled onto his back, head supported by the pillows.
I used my thumb under his chin to tilt his head up.
That was the moment I made my decision. Permanent or not, I wanted him.
He was my mate even if he didn't realize it yet.
I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. No going back now.
When I pulled back, his breaths came faster. The muscles in his forehead tensed. He winced.
“That bad?”
“Opposite.” He took a few more deep breaths. “You make me hurt so bad.”
The pain of arousal when it was at its peak threatening pleasure was like nothing else in the universe.
There were no words to describe it. Fallon was in agony.
As his alpha, I needed to alleviate that stress.
That was my job. My other job. There was also all that saving Christmas stuff, but that could be put off for a little while as I took care of my star mathematician and friend.