Chapter Eight
Benjamin
Don’t get me wrong—I wasn’t expecting Aaron to take me out on a date or profess his undying love or anything. But at the very least I expected him to still be in the fucking bed when I woke up, or to answer his phone when I called. Unrealistic expectations, I guess.
I woke up wrapped in foreign blankets, completely naked with lube still covering my asshole. After dressing quickly and noticing the door had been locked from the inside, I slipped out of Cameron’s house and began my walk of shame.
The night before is clearer in my mind than I’d like, screaming at me alongside the tick that just keeps getting louder and louder.
I can see Aaron’s tense face as I practically begged him to touch me.
Fucking Felix and his insane death drink.
I know Aaron was intoxicated too, but not to what extent.
“Okay, baby. I’ll make you cry.”
I shiver, hearing his voice in my head, feeling his hands on my skin.
The way my body reacts to him, the unreal pleasure I feel at his hands is terrifying.
His fingers light me on fire and his eyes, his words, every little sound he makes has the capability of tearing me apart.
I remember his praise, telling me how beautiful I am, how good I taste, that I’m a good boy.
I adjust myself in my pants discreetly as I walk, annoyed at my half-hard dick. Didn’t get enough, traitor?
Aaron looked at me with such intensity—you would have thought he’d been waiting for this, breath bated. I mean, he did say he thinks about my dick a lot. I sigh, rubbing a hand over my face. Of course someone as beautiful as him is cruel enough to say such sweet things and not mean a single one.
But more concerning than anything else is how I went from Benjamin—strong and stubborn, leader in most situations, always in charge—to Benjamin, on my hands and knees begging, following every command, almost coming at the feeling of Aaron fucking my face so hard my vision blackens around the edges.
“That’s right, baby, keep coming. I’ll be your God. Pray to me. Thank me.”
And last night he was. I looked up at Aaron standing over me, green eyes and curled black hair, and something inside of me shifted in a way I can only call religious.
All muscle and dominance, stroking his cock that was an insanely pretty shade of pink, long and thick with a neatly trimmed patch of hair over his pubic bone.
He looked just like the Aaron I’ve always known, which made looking at him so much dirtier.
That rated-R version of him thrilled me so much—the intimacy of seeing him that way was suffocating.
No matter how many times I’d fantasized about his body, nothing could have prepared me for the immediate desire to beg him for a single touch, to thank him for even looking in my direction.
I hate the power he has over me. All inhibitions fly out the window. If Aaron walked up to me now and told me to drop to my knees, I just might.
I look at my now-dead phone and sigh. Fuck, Felix is going to kill me.
I’m walking up the concrete path to the front door when I pause. How will I face Aaron today? How will I not hear my own pleas every time he looks at me?
“Thank you, oh God, thank you.”
Will he be replaying it in his mind too? Is he imagining how I tasted the moment he ran his tongue along my entrance? I rub the inside of my wrist on my jeans. Fuck, okay—no more thoughts. I will act completely normal unless he implies otherwise.
No one stops me on my way up to Felix’s room, and he pops up off the bed when I enter.
“Hey!” I grimace and shut the door. “What happened to you?!” He approaches me, looking over my body, seemingly content when he sees I’m in one piece.
I’m relieved that my crew neck covers Aaron’s mark on my shoulder—that would have been hard to come back from unscathed.
I’ll bandage it later, make up a white lie that I’ll feel like shit about for days.
“Uh, hey. Sorry. I wasn’t feeling good, so I slept in one of Cameron’s spare rooms.” The guilt of lying to him—of not admitting that I was busy coming on his brother—burns in my chest.
“You couldn’t call? Or text?”
“When I woke up my phone was dead.” Another lie. I used my last percent of battery to call Aaron this morning. I didn’t even bother to look at any missed messages or calls.
“Well,” he says, taking a deep breath and sitting back on the bed. “That’s all well enough, then. You were supposed to walk home with me, but luckily Amber was sober by the time we needed to go so she drove. Apparently, my brother was upstairs fucking some girl.”
“Oh.” I try my best to keep all emotion from my face, to not react.
“I’m shocked, I guess he and Amber are off-again. Whatever. He came in at like four in the morning which totally woke me up. Super annoying. He should have just done the walk of shame this fine Saturday morning like all the other hoes at the party.” He’s laughing when he says it. I grimace.
“Yeah, that’s super annoying.” Super fucking annoying, Aaron. What the hell! Something he said catches my attention. “Wait a second. Felix, you said by the time we needed to go. Who’s we?” Felix’s eyes widen and his face flushes. Looking away from me, he fidgets.
He looks tired, in his sleep shorts and a t-shirt, hair a mess. His leg bounces where it hangs off the bed.
“Anyways, you mentioned that Drew guy yesterday, right? Should we invite him over for a swim?” I squint my eyes at him, stepping toward the bed.
“Felix.” He panics, standing straight up, but not moving away.
“I mean, the parents won't care and it’s still warm enough out. I think it’d be nice to do something he enjoys the first time we hang out.” I take the last few steps until I’m standing in front of him.
For a moment I freeze, scared he’ll be able to smell Aaron on me. That’s crazy. I poke his shoulder.
“Felix, who did you leave the party with? Why are you freaking out?” Felix bites his lip, staring at me for a moment, those kind green eyes a bit hectic and flustered. He abruptly walks around me and paces in front of the closed bathroom door.
“You’re going to be so mad at me, Bear. You’re going to be pissed. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” He’s wringing his hands, voice trembling, and my heart drops.
“Felix. Tell me.”
“Please,” he begs, staying where he is but stopping to look me in the eyes with his pleading expression. “Don’t get mad at me.”
“Okay.”
“Remember all of the years we’ve been together, okay? That I love you, and if you really want, I’ll cut it off.” My brows furrow, my arms crossing. I give him a sigh.
“Felix! Okay, I get it. Tell me.”
“Kayla.” My expression drops to one of exactly no emotion, completely blank.
“What?” A tear falls from one of his eyes, a hand in his hair.
“I’m so sorry. I know you were interested in her, and I even gave her your number last year.
But I don’t know. You never really talked about it again, and a couple of weeks ago she started talking to me.
” When I don’t speak, Felix continues. “We hit it off and started texting a lot—turns out she loves the same shows I do! Anyways, I saw her at the party, and I went over to talk to her. One thing led to another and now I’m taking her on a date tonight…
” I notice then that Felix has a pair of nice slacks and a polo laid out at the end of the bed.
I study him and as he panics I try so fucking hard to understand because—who?
“Okay—I—Felix.” He closes his eyes, bracing himself. “Who the fuck is Kayla?” His green eyes shoot open, taken aback.
“Kayla? Kayla Anderson? Hottest girl in our year? You were interested in each other last year. Red hair…”
“Ah!” Recognition hits me. Felix and I walking downstairs before our trip to the river, asking him who the hottest girl in our grade was. Then later, after catching Aaron and Amber about to do…whatever it is they were going to do, saying I’d text her back. I never did.
Felix is looking at the floor, half confused and half terrified, like now that I remember I’ll hate him for having a crush.
“Fe.” He looks at me. “I never even messaged her back. You don’t have anything to feel bad about. I’m happy you guys hit it off, really. I was never really that interested anyway.” Felix takes a step towards me, hands shaking, eyes lighting up as he wipes them.
“Really? You’re not just saying that?” I laugh.
“Really. I wish you would have told me in the beginning. Could have saved yourself this stress.” He’s in my arms, throwing us back onto his bed, squishing me.
“I know. I’m sorry. I know trust is important between us. I won’t do anything like that again.”
Trust. Right. I rub his back and swallow thickly. I don’t need his apology, not when I am keeping something much, much worse hidden away.
“So, this date. When and where?” Felix sits up, and we face each other crisscross applesauce on the bed. He’s blushing.
“I’m going to pick her up at five, and we’re going to get ramen. Then, bowling. I’m not too sure after that.” He shrugs.
“That sounds really fun, actually.” Felix laughs.
“Don’t worry, Bear. I’ll take you next.” Shoving his shoulder, I move to lay my head in his lap, letting him run fingers through my tangled hair. I soak in his comfort.
“Where is Aaron anyway?” I ask as nonchalantly as possible. If he’s hiding in his room, maybe I’ll bump into him soon.
“Not sure—he left with Amber like an hour ago.” Of course.
Why would he be home? Just like last time, he runs.
I won’t see him for days, then when I do, things will be awkward till one of us throws a life raft and we’ll never talk about any of it again.
This cycle definitely doesn’t make me feel worthless.
“Oh, about Drew. Yeah, I’ll invite him over. When do you want to? I gave him my number, so I’ll call him.” Felix scratches at my scalp and hums.