Chapter Forty #2
“Then let’s just merge as one. One of us will have to sacrifice our skin, but it’ll be fine.” This startles another laugh out of me as I pull him back to stare at his mischievous smile.
“You little demon.”
“CAKE!” Cammie screams yet again, and we finally head into the living room where the lights are dimmed and the 22 is lit and placed on the cake Darian had made for him. I put Benjamin at the center and let everyone circle around him.
When he looks down at the cake he laughs so loud everyone else in the room starts laughing too. I made the mistake of leaving design up to Darian, the one trusted guy friend I have. He had a picture of the two of us shirtless and flexing at the gym blown up and printed onto the white frosting.
“Oh my God—” Benjamin says. “This is fucking perfect. But you guys do realize this means you can’t eat this cake, right?” Cammie slams a hand onto the table.
“What?! What kind of fucked-up rule is that?!” Benjamin shrugs.
“No one’s allowed to eat Aaron. Look at him. He’s all half-naked. I’ll have to keep the whole thing.” He sighs like this is a huge inconvenience for him.
“What if I only eat from the Darian side?” Cammie negotiates—leaning in hopefully.
“Nope.” He shakes his head. “See there? Their arms are touching. That makes the Darian side off-limits too.” Everyone but Cammie is losing it at this point.
“Blow out the candles!” Angie yells.
I lean over Benjamin’s shoulder and whisper into his ear— “Don’t forget to make a wish.”
He pauses and turns to meet my eyes. The green is so bright tonight, and he looks so fucking happy with those dimples—with that sun smile.
“I don’t have one anymore.” This time I blush.
“Great—let me use it. I wish for cake!” Cammie yells and Benjamin laughs, blowing out the candles.
Amber comes back in with her cake box—having left at some point. “Hold your clit girl, I have you covered.”
“I’m sorry—my what?” Cammie looks incredibly confused and I’m not that far behind her on the what-the-fuck train. The cake box opens and it’s a standard-sized cake with chocolate frosting. On the top in neat, white letters someone has written—
You are stronger than the things in life that hurt you
I hear Benjamin’s breath catch and I remember what he always used to say—his motto: all things in my life must hurt me at least once.
Did she know? He’s trembling beneath my hands as they rest on his hips. Everyone in the room can sense this is some kind of pivotal moment for him, something that marks the beginning of a different leg of his journey. Of healing. He looks at Amber.
“Cutie Bear. I’ve known you since you were a ridiculously beautiful sixteen-year-old and Aaron wouldn’t stop having wet dreams over you.”
“Hey!” I protest.
“You are so much stronger than you let your mind convince you you are. I have never seen or heard of a single person go through everything you have—let alone push through it still looking like that when coming out the other side.” Benjamin gives a laugh that sounds a bit like a sob.
“We all love you. And I’ve loved watching you grow.
I’ll always regret what I said to you that day at the hospital.
I promise not to bully your boyfriend too much in return.
” Amber grins at me—then turns a soft smile back to Benjamin. “Happy birthday, Cutie Bear.”
He runs to her—giving her a ridiculously big hug that makes a breath audibly leave her lungs.
“You’re still 5’11! I’m not Aaron!” She yells and he pulls away from her, smiling down at her.
“Sorry—your attitude makes you seem way taller than you are.”
“Motherfucker! Give my cake back.”
“No!” Cammie screams—already cutting into it. Benjamin returns to me quickly. I kiss his forehead and wrap an arm around his waist, the two of us watching our friends bicker over Amber’s cake.
“Yours is red velvet.” I say and he turns to look up at me.
“Really? That’s my favorite.” I shake my head at him.
“Yeah—I know. You told me.” He doesn’t remember. He looks confused. “At the river, back in 2017. You told me you liked baking in the sun like a red velvet cake because it’s your favorite.” I remind him and he turns fully toward me, head slightly tilted, a curious and pleased look on his face.
“You remember that?” I nod, trying to hide my grin.
“Of course I do. You were laying there in those tiny shorts all sweaty, flashing me those dimples and putting my finger in your mouth.” He flushes. “I remember every second of that day.”
“I remember that part.” He mumbles, looking away from me, embarrassed.
“You perv.” I kiss his temple.
“Can I interrupt?” It’s Felix.
“Be my guest.” They walk a couple feet away and I can see Felix’s face—but Benjamin has his back to me.
I can imagine they’re having a moment like the one Amber and him had over the cake.
It’s just more… personal. Best friends for over a decade—sharing the same bed, the same chairs, the same food. They were one person.
I can see it there on Felix’s face. He looks as if he’s tearing out a piece of himself and setting it free—like he’s losing Benjamin. Felix reaches out and wipes at Benjamin’s cheeks which tells me he’s crying. So, Fe cries too.
Benjamin is nodding furiously—pulling Felix against him so tightly his eyes widen for a moment before he grabs him back—eyes closed, soaking it in.
When they pull back, Felix kisses Benjamin on the forehead, then the top of his head.
I love you. I read it on his lips as he says it and my heart warms, aches.
I think back to when all of this started—when it was only a normal day if they were laid on top of each other—sharing the same breath, living in the same little piece of this world. They walk back over to me.
“You can have him back now. Fucking thief.” Felix glares at me.
“What?!” How did this get turned onto me? Benjamin laughs, eyes swollen and red. He’s so beautiful.
“Fe says you took me from him. I’d still be with him if it weren’t for you.” I shoot Fe a glare.
“Listen here brother—this was set into motion a very long time ago. Ask Mom—she’ll tell you.” Both of their heads whip toward me and I immediately realize I let our brotherly taunting out me. “I uh… might have cried to her once or twice.” Felix bursts into a fit of laughter. Benjamin grabs my face.
“Aw—my sensitive boy. Poor baby.” He’s using his baby-talk voice and if we were alone, I might just let him do it. But right now—I’m blushing. So, I smack his ass. Not hard, just enough to startle. He yelps.
“Watch it.” He nods once—cheeks burning, eyes heating as he stares up at me.
“So—” Felix says, taking the attention away from my horny boyfriend. “Let’s play Alex’s game of who can find the most pictures of Bear. They’re all over the house. GO!”
“What the fuck?”
“Josh—see me on your way out.”
◆◆◆
A few hours later our friends have left, and Benjamin and I are eating a piece of the Aaron cake—sitting on the floor in front of the couch.
“Ugh.” He groans. “Listen—I loved the party. Five stars. But fuck I’m exhausted.” I chuckle at him, bumping our thighs together as we eat.
After a few minutes of idle chatter, I can’t take the nerves anymore, so I excuse myself for a moment.
The black velvet box is pretty enough for a jewelry holder.
Inside on the red velvet pillow is his gift—the one I’m terrified he won’t like.
I keep reminding myself I know him well, to calm down, and I walk back into the living room.
I sit next to him again and when he looks at me, I hold out the box.
“What’s this?” He asks, looking between me and the gift.
“Your birthday present.” I say, giving him a nervous smile.
“Aaron. This huge-ass party was more than enough. You didn’t have to get me anything else. This already meant so much to me.” He’s staring at me like I’m crazy for even thinking of buying him the present.
“Open the damn gift or you won’t be coming on my dick tonight.” He snatches the box out of my hand and I laugh—successfully easing my nervousness. He gives me one last cautious stare.
Benjamin opens the black box and proceeds to choke on his own spit. Laying on the cushion is a bracelet. It’s thin and dainty like the rest of his jewelry—an 18-karat gold chain with an A in the middle that’s lined with diamonds. Lab-grown—obviously.
Slowly, he turns his head to look at me—hands shaking.
“Aaron. What the fuck is this?” He sounds panicked—like I just handed him a child.
“You don’t like it?” Fuck. I really thought it was perfectly tailored to him. I really thought I’d done good with this one.
“Like it? It’s the prettiest piece of jewelry I’ve ever seen in my life.” My heart warms again and that fear—that tension leaves my body.
“So what’s wrong?” He stares at the bracelet again, mouth opening and closing for a moment before he’s able to respond.
“How expensive was this? You just started working at The Pen House. You can’t… no. Not for my birthday. You have to return this.” Benjamin tries to shove the now-closed box into my hand and I deflect.
“Woah, woah. For one—why the hell are you saying my birthday like it means nothing? I literally followed you into death, so forgive me if your literal birth is a big holiday for me.” Benjamin’s bottom lip begins to tremble, eyes widening.
“Second—why does my job matter? If I couldn’t afford it, I wouldn’t have bought it.
Third—” I grab his jaw, feeling his falling tears soak into my skin.
I’m studying his face, trying to find if there are any hidden issues here. “Since when do you command me?”
Now—to be fair—quite frequently do I do what Benjamin tells me to. Or don’t do what he says not to. But not in these matters and not in the bedroom. He’s lost his mind.
I watch his eyes heat—widening just a bit more. He blinks twice.
“Right. Never. So, you’ll be good and keep it?” When Benjamin blinks once I let him go and he opens the box again.