Chapter Forty One #2
“But after some thinking I realized—that’s how things are supposed to be.
We are growing up and spreading out. You and Bear have found this relationship together, Kayla and I are solidifying ours.
It’s natural not to be in the room for every decision, every event, every moment anymore.
Now I’m not saying you can’t be hurt—you definitely can be and I’m really sorry I hurt you.
I love you; you’re my big brother no matter how old we get.
I’m always going to want to go where you go.
And Bear too. But if you could be hurt and understand why it wasn’t something I ran to tell you or even our parents—I would be pretty relieved.
” Felix takes a deep breath—anxiously looking around the table.
I give him a small, encouraging smile as Kayla holds his hand on the table. I still haven’t looked at Aaron.
“Fe—I’m not upset with you. You don’t owe me an explanation.
I just… I used to carry you to bed at night—you know?
” I hear Aaron sniffle and know that both Archer boys are tearing up.
“You used to tackle-hug me every time you saw me—or piss yourself with excitement if I crashed whatever you and Bear were doing.”
“Bear was excited too!” Felix protests—laughing through the tears.
“But not as excited. It’s less of a you problem and more a me needing to let go problem. You’re just a bit further along on the emotional-maturity thing than I am, I guess.” Kayla cackles at that.
“Sure—” Felix covers her mouth.
“Thanks, Bub. Hey—in your speech at the wedding, maybe don’t tell people that I was obsessed with my brother growing up.”
“That is absolutely the first thing I’m saying.” Aaron responds.
I hardly look at Aaron for the rest of dinner or the drive home and now as I’m showering, I’m starting to think that maybe I really fucked it.
I should have minded my business. I am happy they talked though—and so is Kayla.
I feel like it was a very productive dinner for their relationship.
I just wish it didn’t come at the cost of hurting my relationship.
I sigh—bowing my head as the water beats down on me. Fucking idiot. If I don’t have some major life issues to work through, I just sabotage myself—a real pro at suffering, I guess.
I feel the cool air as the door to the shower opens and closes behind me. I don’t turn around. Aaron presses his body to my back—soaking himself under the showerhead with me, sighing under the hot water.
“Button—” he says, so gently I could cry. “You’re avoiding me.” Avoiding? Maybe. Self-preservation.
“Sorry.” I mumble, reaching for the shampoo. Aaron takes it from my hands, pouring some in his palm as he pulls me out of the water to start lathering it in my hair—scrubbing my scalp. I sigh—relax against him.
“What did I do?”
“Huh?” I turn to look up at him.
“Close your eyes!”
“Ow!” Fucking idiot. I lean back into the falling water and rinse my eyes. When they don’t burn anymore, I keep them closed and lean back. “Sorry.” I mumble again.
“Say sorry to your poor eyes—not me.” Aaron laughs, resuming his scrubbing.
“Anyway—you’re avoiding me. Was I too harsh on you earlier?
You can make decisions if you want to, baby.
I won’t be mad.” My heart is in my throat, so to give myself a moment to not cry, I pull away from him and rinse the soap out of my hair.
Then I lean back to stand right in front of him—wiping the water from my eyes to look up at him.
He looks sincere—a bit worried, and a little guilty.
“Aaron—” I start, trying my best to sound completely serious.
“I do not want to make decisions. I mean sure—I want to choose the movie sometimes—but you know what I mean. If I wanted to have that control, we would have a very different relationship.” Aaron looks a little relieved for a moment, then mostly just confused.
“Then… are you mad because of the sex? Did I hurt you in a way you didn’t like?” This startles a laugh from me, at how ridiculous it sounds. Aaron narrows his eyes at me.
“No—I was not hurt in a way I didn’t like. Aaron—I’m not mad at you at all. I’m avoiding you because I feel bad about setting up that dinner with Kayla. I know it upset you. I feel like…” I swallow the lump of fire in my throat again. “All I do is upset you.”
“Oh.” Aaron sounds far away as he stares down at me.
“So, you aren’t mad at me.” I shake my head.
“Button—I’m not mad about the dinner. I was very startled and would have preferred if you had told me literally anything about it—but you had good intentions.
” I look at the tile floor—feeling that guilt again.
I really could have told him. He was the only one blindsided.
Aaron lifts my chin to look into my eyes and continues.
“None of that. If I felt like this was something to worry about, I would have mentioned it. But I don’t and I’m not upset with you, okay?
” I nod—even if I’m not fully convinced.
“And you’re not always upsetting me. Where is that coming from?
” I grab the body wash and lather a clean rag.
Starting from the top, I begin to wash Aaron’s body. After a moment—I respond.
“I don’t know. Most of the time it’s an accident but occasionally it’s intentional.
But sometimes I get nervous that just because I like to be punished doesn’t mean you like to constantly deal with a bratty 22-year-old.
” I feel vulnerable as hell. Most of the time he really does seem into it—but I hear Drew so frequently in my mind—telling me how weird non-vanilla sex is.
What would people say about our relationship style?
Is he secretly embarrassed? Is he not into it anymore and only staying here with me out of fear that I’d kill myself? Fuck.
Aaron grabs my face between his palms and forces me to look him in the eyes. I drop the hand that holds the rag to my side.
“Benjamin—you have been bratty since you were eight and I have still fallen in love with you over and over again. I like having a hot submissive boyfriend who likes to piss me off so I’ll push him around.
It turns me on. I like living my day-to-day life making sure you’re being a good boy and keeping our home safe for you.
I want to live like this until I die. So don’t be nervous.
I’ve loved every moment of our time together as much as you have. ”
I can’t tell if what he’s said has made me emotional or insanely horny—so I just stare at him.
“So—you’re not upset with me at all? And even when you are—you like it?” I ask him after a beat or two, fidgeting with the rag and nervously searching his eyes. They’re so full of love and amusement—so fucking vivid.
“Exactly. Even when you’re pissing me off, I get excited because I know what it means I get to do to you.” I shiver against him at those words—watching as a predatory grin creeps over his face. “You’re getting hard again, kitten.”
He’s backing me up into the warmth of the water—hands still holding my face. I rest mine on his sides as the rag falls to the tile floor, the blue bird soaring beneath my fingertips.
“I can’t help it when you talk to me like that.” I whine—every bit the spoiled little brat he’s turned me into.
“Aw, I know, baby. Want me to fix it?” He coos and I shiver once more—nodding quickly. “Hey—” he says as he gets on his knees under the water, grinning up at me. “Doesn’t this feel familiar?”
The tile—the hot water—him on his knees. Can I help you with this? Damn—six years ago already? I touch his cheek and give him a sweet smile.
“Benjamin at sixteen had no idea what to do with you—with this pleasure. Sometimes I still don’t. That’s how much I love you.” Aaron moans against my thigh as he drapes it over his shoulder.
“Benjamin at sixteen was fucking evil. Such a little temptress—always so cruel to me.” This makes me smile harder, thinking about how oblivious I was.
“Well, you put his dick in your mouth and he literally never recovered. So forgive him—he was fighting his own demons.” Aaron chuckles, licking a flat strip up my thigh, right over my scar, his right hand reaching up to play with a nipple piercing.
“When I was watching you—” He continues, staring up at me again.
“I remember I thought to myself—I can be good and walk away right now, live the rest of my life with this tortuous memory. Or go inside and make you come with my own two hands. I guess I doomed us right then and there listening to your little sighs and whimpers as you jerked off to the thought of me.” I flush red—running a hand into his wet hair—watching as he bites my thigh on the surface to not break skin.
“Well—if we’re doomed then I’m pretty chill with it.”
“Yeah? How was it?” I’m confused by his sudden question—there’s no proper context. “Being touched for the first time. Receiving pleasure—coming at the mercy of someone else’s hands.”
“Aaron—” I groan, leaning forward just a bit. “You talk so dirty.” He’s grinning wider now—like he’s achieved something.
“Tell me, baby.”
“God—it was intense and overwhelming. I didn’t want it to end.
” He’s humming—licking at my hips—sucking at the skin between them.
“You were saying things I’d never heard before, touching me in ways I’d never thought of.
” I’m watching in real time as my words push him further and further to the ledge—to his breaking point.
“Toying with me—getting jealous and possessive—and then coming right in front of me, telling me how good you felt. It was so fucking erotic.” Aaron’s on his feet, backing me up against the wall.
I shiver at the feel of the cold tile—the lack of water.
“Yeah? Was it that good?” He presses, pushing his hard erection into mine.
“Mm, yeah.” I touch his jaw with my fingertips. He’s looking at me like I’m something precious—like we’re back in that pool house again—like it’s only ever just been me and him. “After all—I was only sixteen. I’d never been touched before.”
“Aw, fuck.”
Aaron begins to pull me apart—licking every piece—eating me slowly.
He’s taking his time as he devours me. His obsession with being the first one—I’m not sure if it started there in that pool house or if it lit the fire.
But from that night on—I was his no matter how far I ran—how hard I tried to get away.
To be fair, I didn’t really try that hard. And thank God I didn’t. Nothing is more perfect than this. Any moment with him.