Chapter Forty Two #3
“Ah, but he didn’t.” I counter—rocking on my heels—hands behind my back so he doesn’t see them shake.
“Because I stopped him.” The glare Aaron is leveling me with is actually quite terrifying. “While you just kept kneeling for him.”
“You’re making it sound worse than it is— this is Felix we’re talking about. I’ve slept naked with him.” He shrugs, still drumming away at the table.
“Before you were officially mine, yes.”
“Aaron—”
“It’s not about your intentions, Benjamin.
I know what they were. It’s about teaching you what boundaries look like—what you shouldn’t do with other men.
” I swallow harshly, nodding. “For example: never let another man see you on your knees for him again.” I try not to get hard as I nod some more—watching him with wide, panicked eyes.
“I’m sorry.” I say quietly. He tilts his head just a bit. Oh fuck.
“We’ll see.”
◆◆◆
Thirty minutes later I’m standing by the bar when Aaron approaches me. I haven’t gone near him since the Felix fallout. I’m scared of popping a boner. But now he walks up to me—staring down at me with a stern expression.
“Dance with me.” He says—holding a hand out for me. Even in his anger he wants to do these romantic couple things and that makes my heart flutter.
“Okay.” I say. Aaron holds one of my hands out to our side to guide us and wraps his other arm low around my waist. He’s pulled me tightly against him as we step—keeping to a small little circle of our own making.
I rest my head on the front of his shoulder next to his collarbone.
He’s buried his face into my hair—breathing me in deeply—repeatedly.
“Are you okay?” Aaron suddenly asks and I shrug.
“In what sense?” Because I can’t say yes without lying. He reads me like a stripped-down—soaking-wet—hot-to-the-touch—open book.
“There’s been something bothering you since the ceremony. What is it?” I sigh against him—turning my face more toward his skin.
“We can talk about it later. This is Fe’s day—not mine.”
“No one can hear you but me, and every day is your day in my world.” This makes me laugh a little as I pull back and rest my arm around his shoulders while we dance.
“I… I think I’m having a hard time seeing it. It’s already sucky imagining how I don’t have any family to experience things like this with—but going to an actual wedding and seeing it… it depresses me.” Aaron tilts his head at me, eyes sad and curious.
“What things are you talking about?” I shrug.
“I don’t know. Having a family to sit on my side of the pews or what about when he says in front of your friends and family and I’m like—yeah try again—they’re dead.
” I sigh again—defeated. “Kayla looked so beautiful with her dad walking her down the aisle and I realized once again that I really wish I had a dad who loved me. Even just a little bit. I don’t even have my mom’s ashes anymore.
” Aaron kisses my forehead, wiping away the stray tear has fallen.
“I know it doesn’t fix it—but I’ll love you enough for all of them.” I grin at him.
“Yeah? That’s a lot. Like—so much that you’d probably just forgive me—”
“Not a chance.” I groan—tipping my head back and looking at the fairy lights above me.
“I won’t have a relative to make a speech for me.
No one to invite to a proposal or to celebrate anything I might achieve.
” I look back at Aaron and give him a sad smile.
“I’m very happy for people who have that—because I know what it’s like not to.
But sometimes it’s really hard to sit and watch it, knowing it’s just out of reach. ”
“Aw, Button.” He coos, grabbing the back of my head and burying my face into his neck. “I’m sorry you have to deal with that. That’s horrible, I can’t even imagine… Hey—let’s just start our own family.” I pop back up to look at him with wide eyes.
“What?!”
“Yeah—we can find the people in the world who love us most and make them our family.” Oh—I really thought he was going to suggest— “and then you can have my kids and we’ll be daddies.” Aaron laughs at whatever face I make at that—I can’t even tell.
“Aaron—I can’t have your kids—I’m a man.”
“Yes you can.” He insists, face serious.
“No—I can’t.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Aaron—”
“Can’t we pretend? At least for like—a year or two?” He’s pleading with me, bottom lip pouting and hands rubbing at the dimples on my back.
“Okay.” I say—I can never deny him. He grins.
“Great. So, we’ll find our own people and then you’ll have my babies. Hey—no eye-rolling.”
“Right—yes Aaron—let’s find our new family and I’ll have our babies.” The smile that breaks out onto Aaron’s face is worth pretending I can bear children for my entire lifetime. He’s so fucking happy—so much so that I’m very disappointed I can’t actually have his kids.
“How exciting!” He exclaims, kissing my forehead again, making me laugh.
“So, you’re not upset anymore?” I pull back and his face is right back to stern Aaron—so fast I get whiplash. “What the?!”
“Having my children doesn’t excuse getting on your knees for another man, Benjamin.” Oh my fucking God.
“Wow—you even went from babies to children. You’re really mad.” He says nothing and does nothing. I can’t help but grin a little when I whisper— “How exciting.”